Congress: NASCAR Fans Have the Hepatitis Cooties

nascar.jpgWhile Osama bin Laden continues to veg in some Pakistani anus pit, Homeland Security officials are turning their attention to treacherous biological agents in the United States: NASCAR fans. According to the Charlotte Observer, the House Homeland Security Committee recently planned a "fact-finding trip about public health preparedness at mass gatherings," an intrusion that robber barons from the 1880s would surely smash their monocles over. Of course the massiest of gatherings our country ever sees are NASCAR races, where every attendee has death fever, AIDS or some other shit. Knowing this, the staffers preparing the trip suggested that all researchers going to races "get a range of vaccines before attending," namely hepatitis A, hepatitis B, tetanus, diphtheria and influenza.

Sounds like some paranoid staffers have been playing too much Oregon Trail.

Congress Considers Concord Hazardous? [Charlotte Observer]
Photo via Light on Pixels


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