Congressional Florida Man Gives Out Dummy Grenades To Fellow Republican Dummies
Suggested Halloween costume for Rep. Cory Mills (R-Florida). Base photo: Cory Mills on Facebook.

Rep. Cory Mills (R-Florida), one of the fun new Trump-endorsed members of Congress who actually won in the midterms, did his best to make a memorable impression on his new colleagues by handing out grenades (the kind fired by a grenade launcher, not the kind you throw) to other members of Congress, along with a note saying that the grenades were products of the Sunshine and Bath Salts State. It was just his way of saying how pleased he was to be on the House Armed Services Committee, you see.

Nothing to fear, kids; the letter noted that the grenades were inert, much like Kevin McCarthy's future. (Haha, we added that.) You know, just in case the GOP elephant logo printed on the grenades didn't make that clear.

The cheerful letter that accompanied the cheerful projectile read

Welcoming you to a mission-oriented 118th Congress. I am eager to get to work for the American people, and I look forward to working with you to deliver on this commitment. I am honored to be a part of the Armed Services and Foreign Affairs Committees

In that spirit, it is my pleasure to give you a 40mm grenade, made for a MK19 grenade launcher. These are manufactured in the Sunshine State and first developed in the Vietnam War.

Let's come together and get to work on behalf of our constituents. [...]

* These Florida manufactured grenades are inert.

Honestly, nothing says "looking forward to working together" like simulated explosive ordnance like the kind used by Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2: Judgement Day to temporarily blow big holes in the liquid-metal T-1000 death robot.

Mills spokesperson Juan Ayala told the Washington Post that "Per the letter," the whimsical keepsake grenades "are inert, and were cleared through all security metrics."

The fussbudgets at the Post also note that after Republicans took control of the House earlier this month they removed the metal detectors that had been installed following the January 6 insurrection.

The Post also points out the cheerful irony that Mills came to Congress by defeating January 6 Select Committee member Stephanie Murphy, and gosh how things change, don't they?

Mills, the story adds,

is among several new House members who deny that President Biden legitimately won the 2020 presidential election. A veteran and defense contractor, Mills also braggedin his campaign that he “sold tear gas used on Black Lives Matter protesters.”

Well that might have made for a fun hi-howdy-do gift for his new colleagues, too!

No one should read anything into the fun gift, because while many Republicans love paramilitary fantasies, it would take a herculean effort to suggest that there's anything at all worrisome about handing out pretend ammunition to other insurrection-curious Republicans in Congress, or to suggest it brings to mind Marjorie Taylor Greene's wistful reflections that if she'd been in charge on January 6, the insurrectionists would have been armed and would have won.

God, it's just a little inert grenade. We should get a better sense of humor! Cory Mills knows all about humor! When Kevin McCarthy finally got enough votes to become House speaker, Mills tweeted a funny joke saying, "Finally, one less gavel in the Pelosi house for Paul to fight with in his underwear."

That is very amusing, because old men having their heads fractured by a hammer really is humorous if it's not you and you consider violence against your enemies' families very witty. (The officer bodycam footage of Pelosi being attacked right in front of them was released today; it will not make a single conspiracy theorist change their minds, but that is for a different post.)

Welcome to Congress, you amoral soulless ghoul. May you die friendless and alone, of natural causes, long after everyone has forgotten you.

[HuffPo / WaPo / Image: Wonkette photoshoop using Facebook photo by Cory Mills]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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