Conservative Web Ad Scaring Wingnuts Into 'Hiding Their Guns'
What happens when the
blacks criminals break into your house? You pick one of your 63 guns off the shelf, shoot them until their brain matter splatters all over you, and lick your fingers after a job well done, right? But what if these criminals are there to take away your God-given Second Amendment rights by stealing all of your guns? This is the premise of a hilarious service, the aptly-named hideyourguns.com, which advertises on conservative websites. This thing wants to sell you a $60 manual (please look at the cover art) that will keep you one step ahead of the criminals who want to steal all of your precious guns.
At first look, this may seem like one of those "I'm a suburban mom that made sixty-thousand acai berries online by following this one old secret" ads that pop up everywhere. But this is DIFFERENT.
As those punks left my house that day they must have been feeling that they had cleaned me out completely. But even with a broken wrist I got the last laugh. Here’s why: I had a secret cache of weapons hidden deep inside my house, where no thugs or even a sophisticated criminal would ever think to look.
I knew that hidden safely away in my house was my real gun collection, the one worth thousands of dollars and including muzzle loaders from the War Between the States and a few guns my grandfather gave me when I was young. The truth is, even if they had known where to look, they wouldn’t have gotten them.
HAHA! See, you have to trick those
blacks criminals into taking your decoy guns, the ones you don't even care about that much! That is part of this ingenious wingnut secret!
I also explain the truth about a ‘panic room’ and how and when it might be a good idea for you to get busy and build one. But that’s not all. I reveal the cold hard truth about buying the right kind of safe for your valuables, including:
When you need a safe and what kind to buy
Where to put your safe so they can’t get into it, even if they manage to find it
What you absolutely must have on the bottom of the safe
Four questions you must ask the safe company before you buy
If you’re like me, you’re not just worried about hiding your guns but gold coins and other valuables as well. The truth is, you should be building an emergency preparedness plan for your family or loved ones right now in the event of a terrorist attack or civil unrest. (I cover all this in the book)
But one warning before I continue...
If you're shocked by straight talk about the nature of the crisis facing our country, this book may not be for you. And if you're a liberal and are offended by talk about God and country, this is definitely not for you.
Oh goody! This important information is only available to us patriots!
But I do give you step by step examples you can implement immediately to secure your guns, gold and other valuables. With this new-found knowledge you’ll remain one of the few armed citizens when most of the pathetic sheep are rendered defenseless.
I have to warn you... this information is likely to send
shockwaves through the liberal media, so be discreet about
how you use it and who you tell about it.
OKAY! OKAY! Secret is safe with us! (Haha, dumb dead libruls.)
This book is the only one of its kind in the world, sort of like having your own private pass to Fort Knox, where your guns and valuables are safe from predators.
Henmejdughhhhldpaddoooopahhhhhhhhhhh! We just came.
Please folks, do not keep your guns in hollowed-out books like the one "Sharkman" shows us in the video and tells us is very popular. Get out your Ron Paul coins and buy this book now!
Now back to you, LeVar Burton. [Hide Your Guns]