Conservatives Cancel Shampoo, Take Bold Stand Against Letting Trans Kids Wash Their Hair

Culture Wars

For years, the Right has been trying to control access to public bathrooms, wanting to be able to control who should be allowed to use them and who should, we guess, just go behind a tree.

And now they are coming for our private bathrooms.

Apparently, while conservatives have spent the last several weeks sobbing about how we are stealing all the Dr. Suess and all the Mr. Potatoheads from them, they have been out here trying to cancel shampoo. To be specific, they have been very, very mad at Pantene for doing a commercial about a young trans girl and how her hair helps her feel more like herself.

Judging by Twitter, this has been going on since at least the middle of the month, frequently coming from the very same voices we traditionally hear screaming about "cancel culture."


Matt Walsh: "Pantene becomes the latest brand to endorse the abuse of children through transgender indoctrination. This ad is sick and depraved on multiple levels. Anyone who says a young boy is capable of making this kind of decision is insane or lying."

But now they're making it official with a One Million Moms boycott of Pantene and all Proctor and Gamble products, complaining that the commercial "glamorizes the LGBTQ lifestyle," by encouraging young trans children to have healthier, shinier, more glamorous hair.

The One Million Moms (who are actually just one mom named Monica Cole) write:

Pantene just released an online commercial that has resulted in backlash from Christians and non-Christians alike. Sawyer, a transgender girl, and Sawyer's two moms are featured in the latest Pantene ad, which glamorizes the LGBTQ lifestyle.

"Just be yourself and don't let anybody tell you who you are" is one of the extremely misleading taglines from the new Pantene ad. A feel-good nod to those who falsely believe gender can be chosen, the tagline sadly goes against the biblical truth that God created us and decided who we were before forming us in our mothers' wombs.

That's not really a "truth" so much as "a thing you believe because it is your religion" or even "a thing you believe because it is your interpretation of your religion." In order to be a "truth" something must actually be provably true in real life and not just in your heart.

Of course, nothing offends the One Million Moms, or the right in general, like telling them they don't get to tell people who they are. It's kind of their whole deal.

The moms then explain that this is not the first time that Procter & Gamble has not only acknowledged the existence of LGBTQ people, but the fact that they shower:

Procter & Gamble, Pantene's parent company, also owns several other lines of products that conservatives should avoid purchasing and supporting. This ad is not the first time P&G has pushed the LGBTQ agenda in their commercials.

In fact, 1Million Moms has launched campaigns and voiced our concern in the past regarding P&G's transgender Gillette ad for Father's Day, as well as their lesbian Head & Shoulders ad for prom.

Apparently their hope is that if no one ever markets personal care products to LGBTQ people, they will just not use them and then become very unglamorous, and once they don't look so good, everyone will stop bothering the One Million Moms / Monica /Jesus by choosing to be gay or trans.

I'm actually not entirely clear on how they think this all works.

But instead of ditching its politically-charged messages, P&G took their message to an even deeper level with this transgender Pantene ad. So let this serve as a warning from One Million Moms to P&G customers that do not want to support ideology that pediatricians actually call "child abuse."

Yeah, no. The American Academy of Pediatrics has in fact issued helpful guidelines for providing gender-affirmative care for transgender children. They do not think it is "child abuse." The group that called it "child abuse" was a very small, politically motivated group that call themselves the "American College of Pediatricians." ACPeds exists primarily to push a socially conservative agenda regarding abortion, conversion therapy and being horrible to transgender children and is in fact listed as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

But go on.

We wanted to let you know that, once again, P&G has decided to cater to homosexuals and their sinful lifestyle choice. And since a portion of each sale goes to help finance P&G's social agenda that has nothing to do with hair care products, it's time to find another, family-friendly brand and product line. After all, there are plenty of hair care products on the market for moms to buy for their families that do not support liberal causes. We have a choice.

They do have a choice, although it's going to get increasingly difficult to find companies that do not acknowledge the existence of LGBTQ people at all. Heck, as far as I know, there isn't a hair care company on earth that specifically prohibits LGBTQ people from buying and using their products, or a ban anywhere on LGBTQ adults or children washing their hair or hands or anything else for that matter. It is even legal in every state in America for trans children to brush their teeth. Imagine that!

The One Million Moms then attempt to explain that all they want is for personal care products to "remain neutral" in the culture war:

Openly supporting the homosexual agenda versus remaining neutral in the cultural war is just bad business. If Christians cannot find corporate neutrality with Pantene, they will vote with their pocketbook and support companies that are neutral.

IT'S NOT AN ACTUAL WAR, MONICA.

Pantene is irresponsible to air such a commercial, especially when families are likely to be watching. It is extremely destructive and damaging to impressionable children viewing the commercial. Everyone knows children mimic what they see and hear.

So basically they think that cisgender kids will see this transgender child and her lovely, clean hair and go "Oh boy, guess I want to be transgender also?" That seems about as likely to happen as me magically achieving the fancy waterfall hair that ladies in Pantene commercials had while I was growing up. As glamorous as I may have thought they were, that just was not how my hair was or was ever going to be. Just like how kids who are not trans are not going to watch a commercial and then decide to be trans ... any more than if they watched any media showing anyone of the gender, sexual orientation, or anything else they are not.

Like, I can watch Cary Grant all day and I'm not gonna start wanting to be a guy, no matter how charming he may be.

I was also perfectly capable of reading books about The Berenstain Bears as a child without ever attempting to become a bear, and I don't think the only reason for that was that Mama Bear never changed out of her pajamas.

If kids are actually trans, they may see this commercial and feel safer about coming out or feel more included, and that's awesome. But it's not going to make anyone anything they're not — just like stupid campaigns by the One Million Moms are not actually going to keep anyone from being gay or transgender, even if they successfully bully them into pretending to be straight or cisgender. Because people who are gay or transgender are gay or transgender whether they come out or not.

It is my fervent hope that every personal care company on earth comes out with an ad "glamorizing the LGBTQ lifestyle" so that we may deprive the One Million Moms and their supporters of glamour and toiletries forever.

And with that ... this is now your OPEN THREAD!


[One Million Moms]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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