Conspiracy Theorists Ask Public To Take Them Seriously, Blame Family Guy For Boston Massacre
Two days after the bombings at the Boston Marathon, many of the various stupid ideas andRumpology-divined speculations still persist within certain segments of America’s most embarrassing collection of teenaged-cousins and work acquaintances who need more productive hobbies. But while the masturbatory "guy on roof" and “Saudi National“ theories have been dismissed (or at least mostly forgotten) since yesterday by normal people who only ironically watch the History Channel, the newest obsession on the web regarding the marathon bombing centers on a secret episode of Family Guy that supposedly predicted the whole damn thing. Yup just another thing that you will have to woefully explain to your grandkids while they hysterically laugh about how pathetically dumb we all were in 2013.
Now before you start giving bro-vomitous zillionare Seth Macfarlane credit for coming up with his first-ever premise that wasn’t just plagiarized from The Simpsons, it turns out that the Family Guy episode in question sort of doesn’t exist. As one Mediaite reporter with too much time on his hands explains, the video in question is actually a heavily edited version of a recent episode cobbled together by some enterprising dude with somehow even MORE time on his hands. Nevertheless Fox has mysteriously disappeared the episode from the web, probably not because of this controversy per se, but rather out of the concern that people watching Family Guy while sober for the first time might realize that it is fucking terrible.
So c’est la vie, people being dumb on the internet, how is this news, yada yada right? Well not just yet. Before we leave this embarrassing poop nugget of a story buried deep in the anals of the Wikipedia page about the bombing’s aftermath, we should first humiliate the people who bought this transparently idiotic idea, right? Perhaps someone with influence in the political media besides Alex Jones (whose insanity would be depressing enough if not for the fact that his haloperidol-needing ramblings were one degree away from Mitt Romney policy briefings).
OH LOOK ITS OUR FRIEND JIM HOFT!
Yes Jim Hoft, still licking his wounds from the unnecessary and vicious personal attack/rather mild and substantive criticism leveled against him by our own Dr. Zoom, nonetheless found time in his busy schedule of being the internet’s nasty aquarium catfish to recycle this dumbass idea on his own blog. This sort of ridiculous oversight would shame most sentient people into perhaps avoiding any further half-assed commentary on this developing news story. However if we learned anything about Hoft over these years, it is that no hilariously wet fart of fuck up will keep him down. Because if Jim Hoft stops making bank by being wrong, then the terrorists really have won.