Cool Pope Francis Stone Cold Firing All The Cardinal Dicks

Cool Pope Francis Stone Cold Firing All The Cardinal Dicks

It has been at least a week since Cool Pope did anything awesome, so he ismaking up for it in spades. How about demoting asshole Cardinal Raymond Burke -- again! -- to a ceremonial job with no influence and no ability to dick over American Catholics with the gall to be liberals, and no say on how any of the world's Catholics do shit? Okay, we guess we will take it.

So who is Cardinal Raymond Burke, and why do we hate that fucking guy? Well, your first clue is he was created cardinal by Pope Ratzi, the Nazi Pope, and that guy was the worst. How did Burke so endear himself to the shithead wing of the Church that he was created cardinal? By loudly blustering that American Democrats like Nancy Pelosi and John Kerry must be refused Communion, because they were hellbound abortionists what did all the bortions. "But wait," you are thinking, because you are an idiot, "the Catholic Church is also against the death penalty! Shouldn't all the Republican Catholics have been denied Communion too?" You are adorable. No.

In fact, not only were Pelosi and Kerry committing mortal sins by keeping abortion legal, but even voting for them was a mortal sin too! Sounds like someone needs his tax-exempt status looked into, stat! Lois Lerner, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

What are some other total dick moves Burke did?

  • He "interdicted" a nun -- blocked her from receiving the sacraments, almost an excommunication -- because she had the temerity to say out loud she thought women should be priests. Her community describes her as "near saintly." You know who no one describes that way? Raymond Burke.
  • He thinks your kids should not ever be around a gay person because they are "profoundly disordered." (Gay people, not your kids. OR ARE THEY?) Hate the sin, love the sinner, but definitely don't let your brother come to Thanksgiving if he likes a throbbing cock in his butt.

    ‘If homosexual relationships are intrinsically disordered, which indeed they are … then what would it mean to grandchildren to have present at a family gathering a family member who is living [in] a disordered relationship with another person?

    ‘If it were another kind of relationship – something that was profoundly disordered and harmful – we wouldn't expose our children to that relationship, to the direct experience of it.

    ‘And neither should we do it in the context of a family member who not only suffers from same-sex attraction, but who has chosen to live out that attraction, to act upon it, committing acts which are always and everywhere wrong, evil.’

    ‘Families have to find a way … to try to draw the person away from a relationship which is disordered.’

  • He was some fuckin' bullshit on letting child molesters come work in the St. Louis Archdiocese, for years and years and all the years.
  • He talks a bunch of shit about Cool Pope, like, fuckin' constantly.

And now Cool Pope Francis is all, oh, here is your stupid ceremonial role where you have no possibility of judging doctrine, or judging nuns, or judging cases in the Vatican Supreme Court, you are fired.

An interdict would have been nicer though. Maybe next time.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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