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presidential as fuck? awww look at that little bitty thing sticking out of his left coat sleeve.


What ... in the hell ... did we just witness? OK, OK, we all know Trump traveled on an aero-plane to the exotic land of Mexico, for the purposes of making his fail-boat of a campaign even more fail-tastic, and boy oh boy, did he succeed! Remember how Trump has spent MORE THAN A YEAR talking all Tuff Guy about how he will stand up to Mexico and he will make them build a beautiful, jewel-encrusted wall, to keep themselves (the Mexicans) out of America? And how he will demand that they front all the money for it?

Yeah, buddy. About that.

After his very exciting meeting with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, the "two leaders" gave a press conference to talk about how much fun they had. We say "two leaders," because Business Insider said that, and Fox News said that, because we guess they are idiots who think Donald Trump is the "leader" of something besides his Twitter account. Ahem, no. Did they braid hair? Did they exchange recipes? NO IT WAS DUMBER THAN THAT, and what you need to know is that Trump said that while they talked about the wall, they did not talk about who would PAY for the wall, which is funny because THAT'S TRUMP'S ENTIRE STUMP SPEECH.

Peña Nieto started it off, by saying nice things about mutual respect and trade between the United States and Mexico. We'll let CNN do the Spanish-to-English translation for us, because we have important Trump Mocking to do:

Peña Nieto began his remarks alongside Trump by saying the two held a constructive exchange of views even though "we might not agree on everything." He then launched into a detailed defense of US-Mexican trade and its benefit to both countries delivered by the North American Free Trade Agreement -- a common punching bag for Trump on the campaign trail.

Sounds fine, but doesn't sound too much like the "standing up to Trump" thing the very unpopular Peña Nieto needed to do to come out of this experience looking like Not A Idiot.

But then it was Trump's turn, oh boy!

Trump spoke about the dangers of drug trafficking, which we are sure the Mexicans present had never heard about. He said a lot of yadda yadda about his views on trade, which are different from Mexico's views, but that's OK, because the whole point of this is that Trump is going to build a wall to keep the drug traffickers out and Make America Great Again by making deals, so many deals, great deals, tremendous deals, to make trade with Mexico better, and Mexico is going to pay for that wall, right? Trump said that in his Mexico press conference, right? LOL no, he most certainly did not.

Trump said they talked about the wall -- maybe they were trying to pick out sconces, or figure out whether it should be constructed in the Southwestern adobe style, or maybe something more elegant, like the wall around a luxurious castle, with turrets, yeah?

But after the presser, a reporter asked a very mean question: Did you talk about who's going to PAY for the wall?

We didn't discuss who pays for the wall, we didn't discuss that.

You had ONE JOB, Donald J. Trump. ONE JOB! And you were too much of a pussy to do it. Remember this?

Another weird moment in the presser came when Trump said he and the Mexican president talked about how Trump loves America and Mexicans love Mexico, and All You Need Is Love, or something like that. Trump says he ESPECIALLY loves Mexican-Americans, because here's why:

I happen to have a tremendous feeling for Mexican-Americans, not only in terms of friendships, but also in terms of the tremendous numbers that I employ in the United States, and they are amazing people, amazing people. I have many friends, so many friends, and so many friends coming to Mexico, and in Mexico. I am proud to say how many people I am employ.

Donald Trump has many Mexicans, so many Mexicans, who go to Mexico, LOL WUT?

Elsewhere in Trump's address, he copy/pasted a bunch of shit about how we need to bring jobs back to America, or create manufacturing jobs, or end illegal immigration, but he made it Mexico-friendly, simply by replacing "America" with "our hemisphere." Here's an example:

There's a lot of value that can be created for both countries by working beautifully together, and that, I am sure, will happen ... Keep manufacturing wealth in our hemisphere. When jobs leave Mexico, the U.S. or Central America, and go overseas, it increases poverty and pressure on social services, as well as pressures on cross-border migration. Tremendous pressure.

That's right, Donald Trump is going to Make Hemisphere Great Again, because it's on his sombrero!

In summary and in conclusion, this was the dumbest thing we've endured in at least a week of covering the Donald Trump campaign, and that is saying a lot, oh my god, what the fuck, and LOL.

[CNN]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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