Did you hear he fucks black guys? He fucks black guys, and he wants you to know that.

Wonkette is waiting with bated breath for Milo Yiannopoulos, that very edgy, non-PC "alt-right" white supremacist Breitbart homosexual who is jolly fond of penises of the African-American sort, to pen the autobiography for which he has just been given a $250,000 advance from a Simon & Schuster imprint, according to the Hollywood Reporter:

"I met with top execs at Simon & Schuster earlier in the year and spent half an hour trying to shock them with lewd jokes and outrageous opinions. I thought they were going to have me escorted from the building -- but instead they offered me a wheelbarrow full of money," Yiannopoulos told THR.

Oh, how exciting and groundbreaking it is to hear that a big book publisher might give a right-winger a book deal. It's probably because he's so controversial!

PAUSE POST, because we think we have just received an advance copy of the book, via a funny Twitter internet person. Milo does not have Twitter no more, because he's a bad person, so he probably hasn't seen this:

Just kidding, that is a make-believe conversation between Milo and John Boehner and Ben Carson, based pretty much on exactly how Milo is.

Did you know Milo, the homosexual, is into black dick? He will tell you all about it in his new book, because we're pretty sure every other chapter will be about that.

Possible chapter titles:

  • If I'm So Racist, Then What Am I Sitting And Spinning On Right Now, SPOILER IT IS A BLACK DICK, BECAUSE THAT'S MY FAVORITE
  • I'm Burning This Rainbow Flag To Make A Real Point, For Sure, And Then I Will Go Do Activities With Black Dicks
  • Oh Look At Me, I Wroted A Controversial Breitbart Article About How Ladies Shouldn't Be Allowed To Use Washing Machines Or Something, Oh Boy, My Schtick Has Not Gotten Tired Yet At All!
  • Let Me Do Some Original Poetry At You, That I Copied From The Liner Notes Of Tori Amos's Boys For Pele Record
  • Know What's Gross? Feminists And Gays And Fat People And Leslie Jones And All The Other Lady Ghostbusters Too
  • Know What's Not Gross? My Daddy-Complex Obsession With Donald Trump, Whom I Call "Daddy."
  • I Don't Think Black Lives Matter, But I Think Black Dicks Matter, Because LET ME TELL YOU A SURPRISE ABOUT HOW I LOVE BLACK PENISES IN MY BOTTOM.

Wonkette simply can't wait to never publish our review of this book, since we will not be reading it, on account of ZZZZZZZZZZ.

[The Hollywood Reporter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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