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Eric Owens has what may be the easiest job at Tucker Carlson's Home for the Chronically Angry -- he's the "Education Editor." So basically, his job is to find news items about teachers who say dumb things, professors who hurt conservative students' delicate sensibilities, and,his favorite topic, the "national epidemic of schoolteachers having sex with underage students," because of course government schools are hotbeds of perversion -- just one more reason to do away with them. And don't even get him started on higher education, where the professors are all Marxist radicals and the students are either indoctrinated drones or privileged burnouts, with a few victimized conservatives thrown in for readers to sympathize with.


Which is why late last week, Owens found it necessary to pretend to be Very Concerned about the terrible oppression of white feminists:

At this year’s edition of “The Vagina Monologues” jointly staged by Columbia University and Barnard College, the producers have outlawed the vaginas of white students.

Outlawed! They have outlawed the white vaginas, by having a cast of women of color! Soon all the white vaginas will be in the FEMA camps, along with all the white vaginas outlawed from the latest production of Raisin in the Sun! We're not sure if he's planning a boycott of this "segregated, separate-but-equal production," or whether the Daily Caller Ladies' Auxiliary plans to picket.

Owens has a good laugh at the production's Facebook page, which "trumpets"

Barnard-Columbia V-Day is excited to announce that our annual production of The Vagina Monologues will feature an all self-identified women of color cast this year ...

The Vagina Monologues has historically overlooked the empowerment of women of color, queer women, and trans* folk, among others—often replicating and perpetuating the same systems of power and privilege that prompted the playwright, Eve Ensler, to write The Vagina Monologues in the first place.

Yeah, it's a little jargony. Imagine that. (Needs more "transgressive" in there, probably.)

Owens duly notes that Columbia and Barnard are both very expensive private universities, with annual tuition costs of $49,000 and $42,000 respectively, because while expensive stuff is virtuous and job-creating in the form of consumer goods, it's a damn waste when it's in the form of higher education for spoiled kids who don't know the value of hard work as an investment banker. All the worse that these elitists now make oppressed white feminists ride in the back of the bio-fueled bus.

[Daily Caller]

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Let's take a break from the awful terrible news for a moment and check in with Donald Trump Jr. and his unfortunate face. As you may remember, Junior and his wife Vanessa are getting divorced, probably because Vanessa Trump is tired of waking up from nightmares about being married to a guy with that face and immediately seeing him sleeping next to her in bed with that face just leaving imprints on their nice luxury pillows. And the divorce has apparently been getting DIRTY, because "somebody" has been leaking stories to the New York Post about how Vanessa Trump used to write love letters to her MS-13 boyfriend in jail and Vanessa Trump used to date 9/11 and Vanessa Trump doesn't need any Trump money because she is swimming in Marinara Buck$, and so on and so forth. Who is whispering these Vanessa Trump Secrets in the New York Post's ear? Definitely not Junior!

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House Republicans, apparently trying to remind America that they're capable of bad decisions on so many more issues than just immigration, have offered a bold new plan to balance the federal budget in just nine years, eschewing the usual 10-year timeline more typical of such rightwing wet dreams to prove they're serious this time. And what an exciting name the thing has: It's called "A Brighter American Future," and it offers such fresh new Republican ideas as massive cuts to Medicare, also privatizing Medicare, chopping Medicaid into little bits, and then stomping on the bits -- all assuming that they've, once again, repealed Obamacare.

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