Dairy Farmer Devin Nunes Real Quick Gonna Teach Supreme Court Chief Justice What 'Law' Is

Devin Nunes Lawsplains, Dear God!

We shit you not, Devin Nunes, the guy with a Master's in making cows reproduce more baby cows, thinks he's going to haul Chief Justice John Roberts before the House Intelligence Committee and teach him how to law good. Here's a link to Devin's awesome Lawsplainer on yesterday's Hugh Hewitt Show. Take a listen!

JUST KIDDING! Your Wonkette listened to that shit for you, because we are service-y like that. Spoiler alert: Send us money.

DEVIN opened with a summary of his worldview, which is that you can judge how right you are by the number of people telling you that you're wrong. For instance, last year when everybody said DEVIN, YOU IGNORANT SLUT, THERE IS NO UNMASKING SCANDAL, well, he knew he must be on the right track.

It actually feels good, because you know that you’re right over the target when you’re taking on all this incoming. So they almost, it’s almost predictable, because the more they throw at you, the more you know to keep digging, because you’re getting really, really close. And you know, I learned this last year when we uncovered the unmasking debacle that was going on in the administration, I just got blasted across all spectrums of the mainstream media and by the left and by the Obama people, which immediately made me know it was 100 percent correct and accurate. So once we kept digging, it became pretty obvious here that the attacks came from the same people, so I knew that I was right.

An accurate summary of the scientific method!

Then Nunes made some more lies about the ILLEGAL FOOTNOTE in the application for a FISA warrant on Carter Page, before admitting that the warrant had zero effect on Trump's campaign.

HH: To your knowledge, did the Carter Page FISA warrant yield intelligence or surveillance on any member of the President’s campaign staff or transition team?

DN: Not that I am aware of, no.

HH: Were there any other warrants issued at that time that are in the category of the Carter Page warrant that raise your eyebrows about appropriateness?

DN: Not that I’m aware of.

But still, it is Devin's sacred obligation to inform Justice Roberts of the grave issues in the FISA program that he, Devin Nunes, voted to reauthorize three weeks ago.

HH: Now the Chief Justice appoints the FISA judges. Have you had a chance to chat with him or any of the FISA judges about what went on at the FISA Court with regard to the Page application?

DN: This is something that we grappled with, that we’ve been grappling with all through this investigation. We decided that we wanted to complete the FISA abuse portion before we approached the courts. Our next step with the courts is to make them aware, if they’re not aware already, that this happened by watching the news, so we will be sending a letter to the court. There is a, there’s a debate now into whether just send it to the Supreme Court or to send it to the FISA Court, and here’s why. And Hugh, you’d be a good guy to actually get your opinion on this. If, somehow, this case ends up at the Supreme Court, somehow, some way, by sending a letter to Roberts, do you conflict the Court?

HH: The answer to that is no.

DN: Okay.

So weird that Chief Justice Roberts isn't meeting drooling idiot Devin Nunes at Starbucks for a Frapuccino'n'kibitz session! And those FISA Court judges declined to sit down for a friendly chat with Donald Trump's Best Errand Boy about ongoing classified cases in their courts? Why ever not? Devin will get to the bottom of this mystery!

Now, in fairness, Hugh Hewitt is an IRL lawyer. So he's talking out his ass when he suggests that the FISA judges might "chat" with Nunes. But he's right that Nunes won't "conflict the Court" by sending it a letter. Any fucking moron can put a stamp on an envelope and mail it -- SCOTUS ain't care if it's from Congressman Blockhead or Snooki from the Jersey Shore.

So this is something that we have, like I said, we have thought a lot about this. And the answer is we don’t know the correct way to proceed because of the separation of powers issue. So as you know, you know, we have, I’m not aware of, I’m aware of members of Congress going to the Supreme Court and having coffee with the judges, just to shoot the bull. I’m aware of, you know, dinners where congressmen have been with Supreme Court justices. But I’m not aware of any time where a judge has, for lack of a better term, testified before the Congress.

That's weird, Devin. Because we spent about five seconds googling it before we found this video of Justices Breyer and Kennedy testifying before the House Appropriations Committee in 2015 about the Supreme Court's Budget.

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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