Dan Bongino Threatens To Cancel Culture Himself Over Vaccine Mandate, OH NOES!

Conspiracy theories

Screw you guys! Dan Bongino is taking his ball and going home. He's not going to shout inanities on the radio if THE MAN forces him to get the devil shot. Because no one owns the Bong! He's nobody's slave and he's not going to put up with some corporate pinhead telling him what to do with his body, dammit.

Except ...

As the Daily Beast reports, Bongino is already vaccinated. So Cumulus Media's August 12 announcement that all employees would have to get at least one shot before October 11 had exactly zero effect on him personally. Bongino is threatening to break his contract with Cumulus, which distributes his daily 12-3 stream of consciousness rant through its subsidiary Westwood One, because other employees have been fired because they refuse to get the coronavirus shot.


"I want you to know I'm not letting this go. I'm not even considering letting it go. I'm announcing it publicly so you know I'm not letting it go. I'm announcing it to them on their airwaves so they know, you know, I know, we know, and they know nobody's letting it go," Bongino said in his inimitable syntax. "But I promise you I have no intentions of letting these guys get let go, get harassed, because they made a private and personal medical decision on only one of the biggest issues of our time."

Dr. Bongino went on to epidemiologysplain that "there is a very real thing called natural immunity," before lawsplaining that "there's an even realer thing called freedom and liberty, this is a constitutional republic." Hello, more "natural immunity" flapdoodle!

Got that, kids?

Now Dan Bongino knows that companies are free to do whatever crazy shit they want to employees — he ain't no commie! But this was a "political decision," and Dan Bongino wants Cumulus to "at least recognize that the company's earning a lot of money every day off people who have the opposite political view."

Unless that means catering to gay families, in which case it is woke culture run amok.

Then Bongino pivoted to the poor starving children who will become homeless because Cumulus takes basic health measures to protect its employees.

"Imagine the countless individuals having to explain to their — have these companies ever thought of that? The countless numbers of moms and dads who are sitting at some kitchen table having to explain to their kids how they may have to move out, how daddy doesn't have a job, because a bunch of people in a C-suite thought it'd be a good idea to sit around and play pretend Dr. Fauci for a moment and mandate people jam something in their bodies that they don't want to take?" he said indignantly, before returning to his main topic, which is, of course Dan Bongino, the working class hero.

"You know, I grew up without a lot of money. My mom used to make bologna sandwiches for dinner. And when the bologna was no good, you'd cook it, and you'd make it good right quick, right? I'm not leaving any of those guys behind. You can have me, or you can have the mandate. But you can't have both of us."

And by "you," he means Cumulus. He does not mean Fox, which simulcasts his show and has its own vaccine mandate. Because a man's got to have a code, but not, like, one he lives by when it's inconvenient.

[Beast / WaPo]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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