Dan Crenshaw Launches 'Woke Ideology' Whistleblower Site For Military Crybabies
Are you currently serving in the military? Did someone in the military tell you that you were racist after you used a racial slur? Did someone else suggest that you not sexually harass or assault the women you serve with? Did a trans person expect that you use the right pronoun to refer to them instead of being a dick about it? Did LGBTQ soldiers react poorly to you telling them they were going to hell?
Did someone tell you that slavery happened and that people were not actually happy to be kept as slaves? Did they correct you when you referred to The Civil War as The War of Northern Aggression? Did they take down your Confederate flag and your lifesize statue of Robert E. Lee?
Did female soldiers balk when you told them to get back in the kitchen and make you a sandwich?
If so, you may be a military victim of "woke ideology," and Texas Representative Dan Crenshaw wants to be the manager you speak to about that.
Wait, no. You're not a victim, you're an asshole. Still, Dan Crenshaw has your back. The former Navy SEAL has created an online form that "whistleblowers" can use to let him and Tom Cotton know what kind of completely legal things people are doing that make you sad.
On Friday afternoon, he tweeted
Enough is enough. We won't let our military fall to woke ideology. We have just launched a whistleblower webpage where you can submit your story. Your complaint will be legally protected, and go to my office and @SenTomCotton.
With written permission we will anonymously publish egregious complaints on social media and tell the country what's happening in our military.
For too long, progressive Pentagon staffers have been calling the shots for our warfighters, and spineless military commanders have let it happen. Now we are going to expose you.
You know what this is about, right? It's all because there was an army recruitment ad featuring a woman with lesbian moms and the Ted Cruzes of the world were all scared that the Russians were all gonna laugh at us because their recruitment ads featured super macho tough guys shaving their heads and doing push-ups like super macho tough guys do! Also because Crenshaw wants to collect a bunch of "horror stories" he can use to ratchet up his base and get them all upset like they were over that Army lady having parents.
This would not be Rep. Crenshaw's first time fighting "woke ideology" in the military. When a woman who had been a member of his unit was sexually assaulted at a VA facility, Rep. Crenshaw took it upon himself to assist former V.A. Secretary Robert Wilkie in a smear campaign against her, providing Wilkie with potentially false information about her in hopes of destroying her credibility. Real hero move there.
Oddly enough, the actual whistleblowing site doesn't actually include any mention of "woke ideology" or actual examples of the kind of thing he's looking for. It does, however, include a "warning" that there could be "serious risks when you report allegations of wrongdoing."
We advise that whistleblowers use your personal resources and contact information when communicating submitting this form, and that you do not use your work equipment or work contact information. Further, do not submit classified information or other information barred from release through this form or by email.
Various U.S. laws at the federal, state and local level prohibit retaliation against whistleblowers for providing information to Congress. However, you still take serious risks when you report allegations of wrongdoing. We recommend that you consult an attorney experienced in whistleblower law for further guidance. We respect your confidentiality, and we will use your contact information only to follow up with you regarding your submission. You may submit a disclosure anonymously. However, please be aware that anonymous disclosures may limit our ability to respond to the information that you provide.
All submissions will be shared confidentially with the office of Senator Tom Cotton.
The site suggests that "whistleblowers" would be covered from retaliation by the Military Whistleblowers Protection Act. That actually only covers people who provide lawful disclosures of illegal activity. As much as Dan Crenshaw may desire it to be so, "woke ideology" does not constitute an "illegal activity," so these people would not actually be protected by this law.
Curiously, this form does not actually require that anyone prove that they are or were an actual member of the military in any manner whatsoever, which means that pretty much anyone could fill it out and tell Crenshaw any story they want. Surely, this will not backfire on him at all.
I for one would love to know what it is that Rep. Crenshaw even thinks "woke ideology" is. Can he define it? Or explain what it is he thinks is illegal here? Perhaps it is just one of those "I know it when I see it" things wherein he "knows" it because someone is telling him to stop being an asshole.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse