Dana Rohrabacher Ready To Dead-Drop Julian Assange's Love Notes Into Donald Trump's Pants

Dana Rohrabacher (R-Putin)

We've talked about Dana Rohrabacher, the good congressman representing Moscow, quite a bit lately. He's kind of a weird wang-like offshoot of the larger Trump-Russia investigation, because of how he so obviously is working for Russia. (He used to work for the Taliban, no, for real, but he switched parties.) He wants to get rid of all the sanctions on Russia, just like Donald Trump and that Russian lady lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya, who met with Trump's unfortunately shaped first son at Trump Tower.

We also knew Rohrabacher would probably be doing a "rendezvous" with Donald Trump sometime soon, so he could whisper Julian Assange's sweet secrets directly into Donald Trump's B-hole. A couple weeks ago, news broke that AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST Chuck C. Johnson had arranged a lovers' weekend for Rohrabacher and WikiLeaks troll Julian Assange at the Ecuadorian embassy, ostensibly because Rohrabacher wants to make some sort of deal to get Trump to pardon Assange for his many crimes against the United States, instead of locking him up forever like he deserves.

Assange also supposedly told Rohrabacher MANY DELUXE TOP SECRET THINGS, intended for Trump's ears only. For instance, Assange explained that, despite what 17 American intelligence agencies and just regular common sense say, Russia DID NOT do the hacking in last year's election. And now plans for Rohrabacher and Trump to get together for a secret Pussgrab 'n' Chill session are under way, according to Dana Rohrabacher, who filled gullible Trump idiot Sean Hannity in on the details on Monday:

Republican Rep. Dana Rohrabacher said Monday that a "rendezvous" is being set up between him and President Donald Trump to relay information he received from WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange about the hack of the Democratic National Committee last year. [...]

"It is my understanding from other parties who are trying to arrange a rendezvous with myself and the President, it is being arranged for me to give him the firsthand information from (Assange)," Rohrabacher said.

Maybe Assange has uncovered the identity of Trump's 400-pound hacker in New Jersey -- you know, the guy who REALLY did the crime. As CNN reports, Rohrabacher told Hannity he has seen the REAL TRUTH, and it is that the hacks of the Democratic National Committee were an "inside job." His "evidence" likely amounts to some combination of Seth Rich and that stupid debunked motherfucker who wrote the dumbest thing The Nation has ever published. For all we know, it also involves #PizzaGate and Hillary's missing emails.

But Rohrabacher just needs America to know these things!

"If the information comes out, there will be an outrage among the American people that their time has been wasted," Rohrabacher said. [...]

"I'm trying to get this out in the public now where we can get this Julian Assange thing straightened out so that people know that it wasn't the Russians that hacked into the system, and that's not how this information was released," he said.

Eat shit, comrade.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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