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Dana Rohrabacher (R-Putin)


We've talked about Dana Rohrabacher, the good congressman representing Moscow, quite a bit lately. He's kind of a weird wang-like offshoot of the larger Trump-Russia investigation, because of how he so obviously is working for Russia. (He used to work for the Taliban, no, for real, but he switched parties.) He wants to get rid of all the sanctions on Russia, just like Donald Trump and that Russian lady lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya, who met with Trump's unfortunately shaped first son at Trump Tower.

We also knew Rohrabacher would probably be doing a "rendezvous" with Donald Trump sometime soon, so he could whisper Julian Assange's sweet secrets directly into Donald Trump's B-hole. A couple weeks ago, news broke that AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST Chuck C. Johnson had arranged a lovers' weekend for Rohrabacher and WikiLeaks troll Julian Assange at the Ecuadorian embassy, ostensibly because Rohrabacher wants to make some sort of deal to get Trump to pardon Assange for his many crimes against the United States, instead of locking him up forever like he deserves.

Assange also supposedly told Rohrabacher MANY DELUXE TOP SECRET THINGS, intended for Trump's ears only. For instance, Assange explained that, despite what 17 American intelligence agencies and just regular common sense say, Russia DID NOT do the hacking in last year's election. And now plans for Rohrabacher and Trump to get together for a secret Pussgrab 'n' Chill session are under way, according to Dana Rohrabacher, who filled gullible Trump idiot Sean Hannity in on the details on Monday:

Republican Rep. Dana Rohrabacher said Monday that a "rendezvous" is being set up between him and President Donald Trump to relay information he received from WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange about the hack of the Democratic National Committee last year. [...]

"It is my understanding from other parties who are trying to arrange a rendezvous with myself and the President, it is being arranged for me to give him the firsthand information from (Assange)," Rohrabacher said.

Maybe Assange has uncovered the identity of Trump's 400-pound hacker in New Jersey -- you know, the guy who REALLY did the crime. As CNN reports, Rohrabacher told Hannity he has seen the REAL TRUTH, and it is that the hacks of the Democratic National Committee were an "inside job." His "evidence" likely amounts to some combination of Seth Rich and that stupid debunked motherfucker who wrote the dumbest thing The Nation has ever published. For all we know, it also involves #PizzaGate and Hillary's missing emails.

But Rohrabacher just needs America to know these things!

"If the information comes out, there will be an outrage among the American people that their time has been wasted," Rohrabacher said. [...]

"I'm trying to get this out in the public now where we can get this Julian Assange thing straightened out so that people know that it wasn't the Russians that hacked into the system, and that's not how this information was released," he said.

Eat shit, comrade.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[CNN]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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