Oh Nothing, Just Tucker Giggling With The Trump Men About How Weird THIS OTHER GUY Is At Sex

Y'all know that thing where Donald Trump was forced to endorse JD Vance in Ohio's Republican Senate primary, at least partially because Vance's creepy weird unfuckable opponent Josh Mandel is, in Trump's estimation, "fucking weird," and how Trump reportedly is always talking about Mandel's alleged sexual proclivities, "often in disgust," as the Daily Beast put it?

Well, Rolling Stoneis out with the political story of the year, about a conversation that happened before that fateful endorsement, which really does seem to be changing the Ohio primary. It's the tale of Trump sitting on the phone with all the coolest and most normal and most sexually well-adjusted guys — his son GrundleNut Junior and Tucker Carlson — and giggling like a bunch of schoolboys about how this other guy was weird at sex. Not Josh Mandel, but David McIntosh, the head of the Club For Growth, which supports Mandel. And the Trumps were riveted by the story Tucker was telling them.

Asawin Suebsaeng and Adam Rawnsley report:


“You can’t trust” David McIntosh, the president of the conservative Club for Growth and a top backer of Vance’s rival Josh Mandel, Carlson claimed. McIntosh had just concluded his own phone call with Trump during that same midday meeting. The reason, Carlson asserted, is that McIntosh has an embarrassing and “chronic” personal sexual habit.

Rolling Stone cannot confirm the claim and will not repeat it. But during that phone call, the twice-impeached former president spent a notable amount of time gossiping and laughing about the prominent Republican’s penis and how “fucking disgusting” and “fucking gross” he allegedly was.

OK wait. Wait. OK. Wait, OK. OK wait.

"You can't trust" David McIntosh of the Club for Growth, because of something he does in the sex way, which is "chronic." And this is according to known healthy psychosexual textbook case study Tucker Carlson. And this is something that's so funny that Donald Trump and his son could not stop giggling and talking about how "fucking disgusting" and "fucking gross" it was.

What?

Is this specifically about dude's penis? Because Donald Trump doesn't have a weird one of those at all, nor does he have the pubis of a Yeti.

Is dude a Club For Growther, not a Club For Showther, if you know what we mean? (WE MEAN HIS WEENUS MAXIMUS.)

Does he like to go to Moscow and have hookers pee on the bed while he claps his hands, allegedly? Does he beat up gay guys he thinks are looking at him funny in the bathroom?

What is it?

And how could this thing be "chronic" in such a way that "you can't trust" him?

Rolling Stone goes through the thing about how daddy Trump is obsessed with what Josh Mandel allegedly does under the sheets, but says this story from Tucker — again, Tucker, who is normal in every way and isn't known for his strange fixations with his own masculine insecurities — had the Trumps in "fits of laughter."

As the collective chortling wound down, the Fox News host told Trump that it is typically the most publicly strait-laced seeming individuals who end up being the most off-kilter, troubled, or sexually aberrant in private. “You know, that’s so true. That’s so true,” the ex-president concurred, according to two sources familiar with the meeting.

Just three regular guys, talking about things they have absolutely no personal experience with.

Whether this phone call was the final straw that made Trump support JD Vance is unclear. But he did indeed do that. Rolling Stone notes that the very next week was when Tucker started pushing his weird homoerotic "End of Men" documentary with the ball tanning and whatnot. And Trump endorsed JD Vance, who, upon Wonkette's reflection (probably) isn't weird at sex at all.

Think about it. Scientifically speaking, JD Vance is a 60-foot-tall roadside attraction sculpture made out of genuine butt hair. Pretty difficult to do sex when you are literally just an enormous pile of butt hair that's visible from seven states.

(To be fair, we can't say for sure JD Vance isn't weird at sex. For all we know maybe "Hillbilly Elegy" was his name for his penis before it was his name for his book. Or maybe he calls it something else strange like "The Great Yodeling Appalachian Grundle Staff." We don't know.)

Man, the gods are smiling on Wonkette with this story right now, what riches.

David McIntosh denies the very vague insinuation that there is something weird about his peen todger or the way he does coitus:



Well then! Rumors of [REDACTED] denied!

Rolling Stone says earlier that day, McIntosh talked to Trump and his gross son and tried to convince him to endorse Mandel, but it sounds like the Trumps weren't having it. And then there was this similar call with Tucker, who promised Trump that Vance was fully brainwashed into being a stupid MAGA pig and definitely no longer thought Trump was "America's Hitler." And they talked about the other candidates in the primary, and how much they sucked.

And then they talked about the guy who leads Club For Growth and something about his penis and something about how he does sex in an untrustworthy way and they laughed and laughed and laughed.

And the rest is history!

This will be a very serious scene when the documentary is made.

[Rolling Stone]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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