BREAKING! CRAZY CULT FIGURE TO ATTEND FOOTBALL GAME WITH BRAINWASHED CHILD BRIDE AND ASIAN BABY!
"Reliable Source" has an exclusive! A web-only exclusive! A psychotic former movie star is in our crazy little town!
Dan Snyder asked Tom Cruise to join him at tonight's Redskins game at FedEx field -- and not only did Cruise accept, he's bringing along fiancee Katie Holmes, daughter Isabella, and son Connor.
Even better: The Cruise family -- including baby Suri -- are staying at Snyder's Potomac home.
According to Amy and Roxanne, Cruise spent yesterday at Six Flags (yeesh -- that place is still open?), where they participated in a "closing ceremony at end of the night with the park characters and employees, where Cruise and Snyder led the kids in the Electric Slide, Hokey Pokey and limbo in the park's town square." So, yes, this does mean that the gates of hell have opened and the damned are walking the Earth. In the event of rapture, this blog will continue uninterrupted.
We suppose Tom Cruise sightings and pictures will be posted. But we won't be very proud of ourselves. And while you're hitting 'send', neither should you be.
