Dear Liberals: Please Shut Up About Golf Already

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Perfectly nice Congressional-liberal-electing organization Blue Americaprobably did not expect to get a public tongue-lashing on electioneering strategy from a blog mostly known for political buttsex jokes, back eight months ago when some eager intern added "tips@wonkette.com" to their distribution list. But when your morning editor deviated from his usual policy and actually clicked a link in a press release email breathlessly extolling a new billboard on the side of some Ohio interstate, a contrarian urge was stirred, and now Wonkette must proclaim the following, ex cathedra: golf is a boring and counterproductive trope in attack-ad narratives! Please, please, for the love of God, shut the fuck up about it.


We know, liberals, that you find golf hilariously bougie and pointless. We are 100 percent in agreement with you on this point! Also, golf courses occupy public space for elitist purposes, and in many parts of the country use precious water. But golf is also a game with a lot of cultural prestige, especially among the upper and upper-middle-classes who run the country, politically and business-wise. It is the game that politicians (including "ghetto thug" Barack Obama!) play.

And while they play it, they almost certainly talk about politics, or business, or the business of politics. Remember in the '80s, when all those ladies and minorities sued to force country clubs to allow ladies and minorities to come there and play golf? They didn't do this because they liked playing fucking golf. They did this so they could pretend to like play golf, while "networking" and the like. Golf affords lots of time to do this, because it is incredibly boring, and most of it just involves walking around, or being driven around in a little electric cart. In this way, it is a game more conducive to doing business while relaxing, more so than hipster liberal pastimes like dodgeball, or seeing obscure indie rock bands in sweaty Brooklyn nightclubs. John Boehner probably did a lot of "work" (i.e., destroying America) while golfing.

Also, golf-playing is not relevant to political policy, strictly speaking. Just putting that out there. Plus, we would guess that many of your southern Ohio exurban swing voters, many of whom love golf, drove by that billboard and thought, "119 rounds in a year? That sounds awesome. This Boehner must be a pretty cool guy!"

The email from Blue America promises that this is will be the "first billboard in a series." Here is an idea for your next one: "John Boehner thinks the global economic collapse in which you lost your job wasn't that big of a deal." No more ant pics, though. "John Boehner is orange" and "John Boehner's name looks like 'boner' and so 'beating Boehner' makes people think of masturbation, huh huh" jokes are also acceptable.

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