Dear Miss Manners: What's The Proper Way To Wipe Your Nose On A Flag At A Trump Rally?
Donald Trump went to Montana for one of his Please Love Me And Tell Me I'm Loved, NO, MORE! MORE! rallies, and while the words falling out of his dumb dough face were the usual random stream-of-sundowning brainturds we've come to expect, the crowd behind him was more interesting than almost anything he said. While the White House is clearly dysfunctional, the choreographers for Trump's Montana event were fine-tuning the composition of the
chairs on the Titanic people standing behind him as the speech droned on and on.
For the "content" of Trump's speech, the Toronto Star's Daniel Dale provides his usual fine summary, instaquotes, and fact-checking on the fly, and Trump had a few noteworthy crazy things to say, like his very important question, "If I've 'lost it' like they say, how can I give a rally speech for an hour without notes?" Because as we all know, people who've lost it are only able to ramble on and on, telling demonstrable lies, for up to 55 minutes, and then must stop. Trump also said that since Lincoln's Getty'sburg Address was initially mocked and ridiculed -- a claim that irritated several historians -- then maybe in 50 years people will all recognize how truly brilliant Trump is. You bet!
Donald also had some difficulty condemning the anonymous author of that New York Times op-ed, largely because he couldn't manage to pronounce the difficult word "anonymous." Bad denture day, dementia, or drunk? YOU decide!
Anomynous. https://t.co/sJ36OGPgOy— Levi Fishman (@Levi Fishman)1536286386.0
But the real show was in the bleachers behind the Great Man. For instance, there was this young lady who wiped her nose on the holiest patriotic artifact of all, the Beautiful American Flag:
The Trump presidency in 8 seconds... https://t.co/IMVxAWWWDE— Albert MacGloan ➐ (@Albert MacGloan ➐)1536315415.0
Yes, yes, she's young, dazed by TV lights, and obviously not giving any thought at all to how it looks to be wiping snots all over Old Glory, but can you imagine if this had been a black teenager standing within a mile radius of any event involving Barack Obama, let alone right behind him? Fox News would be running the tape on a nonstop loop, the young malefactor would have been identified within 30 minutes, and creeps on Twitter and Breitbart would be calling for her to be sent to Gitmo at a minimum. Her family would have gone into hiding -- if they made it out of their firebombed home alive, of course.
None of which should happen to anyone, and certainly not to this kid. But remember, it's black athletes protesting police killings of unarmed black people who have no respect for Our Flag.
Then there were the strategic interventions in crowd makeup. This guy in the plaid shirt made too many funny faces, and appeared to be mocking the Great Man, so he had to go (no audio in clip, don't turn up the volume and hurt your ears when another vid plays, okay?):
"Why are they so filled with this much hatred? Why? Our country's thriving, jobs are booming, prosperity is soaring… https://t.co/RBDjtV1rgo— David Choi (@David Choi)1536301877.0
Whoops, out you go, grimace-grin boy!
Weirdest thing just happened at Trump rally in Montana. The guy in plaid shirt behind Trump must not hv been cheeri… https://t.co/On8QUGp2Wm— Kikkay (@Kikkay)1536285998.0
Yup, he was quickly Gif'd, too:
He’s already become a GIF! This is why twitter is amazing. https://t.co/g3AAZaWhRp— Andrew Wortman 🏳️🌈 (@Andrew Wortman 🏳️🌈)1536326988.0
After that, just a little more tinkering with the audience was clearly needed!
When you realize halfway through a Trump rally that the people in the bleachers need to be peppier and blonder. https://t.co/NytEn23a9g— Susan Simpson (@Susan Simpson)1536293336.0
Much better. Now, what's the crazy man saying? Screw it, there's no reason to listen. Call us back when he recites the Gettysburg Address from memory.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.