March 29, 2007 04:15 PM
Dear President Ahmadinejad: Please Kidnap Kyra Phillips
As Tehran and London and Washington continue their terrifying game of Nuclear Chicken over the captured British sailors, Iran's nuclear energy plans and the way that one guy gave a funny look to the other guy, CNN dingbat Kyra Phillips is in Iraq to bring a welcome dose of bizarre chatter to that wrecked country.
Kyra is driving around with border guards in some sort of military transport, which is like Ecstasy for her. We don't have a picture but we're pretty sure she's wearing some type of man's military helmet or camouflage vest or something. Oh, and Kyra figured out what's motivating the 500 different factions and gangs and clans and militias all killing each other in Iraq:
PHILLIPS: And Heidi, the lead investigator also said to me that these drugs are being used as a tool of motivation, sort of like what we've seen with the children soldiers in Sudan. They're given these drugs, and then they commit these acts of terror, and as the investigator says, they're completely unaware of what they're doing. They're high.Somebody's high. Either that, or Hassan-i Sabbah has returned after a thousand years and Alamut is open for business again.