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Debate Prep: John McCain To Practice With One Black Guy He Knows

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Hoorah the first debate is Friday, in Confederate Mississippi! Will the plantation owners even let Barack Obama onto the debate stage, or will he have to shout his answers from the balcony? That would be sure to spark a national conversation about race, between no one. But! We'll see. This week, however,each campaign has assembled a team of debating "vets" for rigorous preparatory regimens. John McCain, for example, will practice-debate with the one black Republican, so as to learn all of "their" tricks. Watch the eyes, Walnuts! THEY SHIFT. And Barack Obama will be debating some old coot he kidnapped at Costco.


And to prepare, Sen. McCain will spar this week in mock debates with Michael Steele. Mr. Steele, the former lieutenant governor of Maryland and a prominent black Republican, will play Sen. Obama and use many of his speaking patterns, tactics and body language. Sen. Obama will practice with Greg Craig, a Washington lawyer and former official in the Clinton administration who is one of his few gray-haired advisers.

Tee hee. Walnuts has to learn how to talk to a black fella! It's worth noting that, despite their shared swarthiness, Michael Steele and Barack Obama have polar opposite personalities. But it's not like the Republicans had any other black mime to stand in.

...Oh God this is terrible, we were just trying to think of another black Republican who could stand in. Complete mental blank. J.C. WATTS! There.

Stand-Ins, Naps Help Debate Preparation [WSJ]

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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