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LIVEBLOG UP!

The second half of the second Democratic debate will be held tonight, and we're just itching to see how CNN can improve on its first outing last night, which wasted an assload of time on the national anthem, introducing the candidates, explaining the game-show rules, and for some reason having Anderson Cooper drive a teensy little Shriners car around the stage delivering bouquets to each candidate at her or his lectern (viewers without the CNN MushroomVision Cable Package may have missed that part). At least once things got rolling, each candidate had nearly a full minute to explain how they'd solve racism, plus a three-minute reply by John Delaney.

Tonight, they're doing it all again, only with another 10 Democrats, several of whom may also appear on subsequent debate stages! Let's preview the fun!*

* Actual fun not guaranteed**

**[Dok is trying to be cynical, I LOVED THE DEBATE! He is probably fired again, just like I fired him yesterday because Robyn posted a song so bad in the chatcave that I had to fire everyone, by law. -- Editrix]


For starters, we have this erudite debate summation by John Kennedy, an actual Republican US Senator from Louisiana. He explained there's no truth to the fake media narrative about last night's debate being a clash between "progressives" and "moderates," because all he saw on his TV was Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, and Dimitri Kissov arguing over how many American babies they'd abort.

Kennedy "quipped,"

I would remind you the lesser of two socialists is still a socialist. And what I heard last night, even from the so-called less liberal candidates, and I'm not impugning their integrity, but even from the less liberal candidates, I heard a job-killing, soul-crushing, socialist agenda. The only thing missing was the Cuban national anthem.

Same ol' stuff: socialism, illegal immigration, abortion, socialized medicine are moral goods; free enterprise, border security, sanctity of life, your on-the-job health insurance, those are all moral bads.

Yes, and a folksy fascist is still a fascist. Still, guess it's really important for CNN to frame more of its questions in rightwing terms ("Please tell us why you want to outlaw insurance and set old people adrift on the ice, will you?") so Democrats can appeal to those economically anxious Trump voters, huh?

If only anyone had seen that coming, like perhaps Pete Buttigieg last night! Here is Evan's verbatim transcript of Buttigieg's warning that adjusting rhetoric to "avoid" criticism by wingnuts is a mug's game:

WILLIAMSON: I don't think she talked shit about me. But I DOOOOOO have concerns about this Medicare For All, because the Republicans will be mean?

BUTTIGIEG: Can we stop doing policy based on what Republicans will say? We could do basic milquetoast shit and they will call it socialism. We can do mandatory gay space communism, and they will call it mandatory gay space communism. Fuck 'em.

RYAN: Extremely milquetoast thing.

How true this is! Fine, if you want "accuracy," his precise words were:

It is time to stop worrying about what the Republicans will say. It's true that if we embrace a far-left agenda, they are going to say that we're a bunch of crazy socialists. If we embrace a conservative agenda, you know what they're gonna do? They're going to say we're a bunch of crazy socialists.

Forget Marianne Williamson, Pete Buttigieg is the guy who should set up a psychic hotline.

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where you can watch the debate (CNN and maybe streaming, but don't bet on it), and what lousy time it'll be on (8:00 Eastern), and who the stupid candidates are tonight

  • Michael Bennet
  • Joe Biden
  • Cory Booker
  • Julián Castro
  • Bill de Blasio
  • Tulsi Gabbard
  • Kirsten Gillibrand
  • Kamala Harris
  • Jay Inslee
  • Andrew Yang

And also how much time each candidate can talk (not enough, but they'll bring Delaney back to rebut) and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

You can also watch the streaming, probably, right here on Wonkette, where Evan will be liveblooging the whole show and wearing his people shooting hat. At least Evan isn't a phony.

You can watch along and act like you're paying attention. I like it when somebody gets excited about something. It's nice.

See you all at liveblog time! (That is 8:00 Eastern, we already said it. People never notice anything.) Until then, right here is your OPEN THREAD!

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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