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Decade of Feces: Top 100 Moments of the 2000s

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Photo of the Decade.Whoa hey is it almost the 2010s? And here I am still writing "Fuck the Pope" on my checks. Well, let's start the first of a Very Long Series of special "year ender" journamalism features of the kind you could once find in your "local newspaper" this time of year, back when there were newspapers.


You remember, maybe, a bunch of half-ass thumbsuckers and "retrospectives" typed by conventional-wisdom newspaper reporters so they could take off a whole week at Christmas and yet still have "evergreen" articles in the paper, alongside a bunch of obvious AP graphics and re-used Photos of the Year? ANYWAY: Did you know that this was a really terrible decade, in every measurable way?

But let's focus on the Positive, and all gather around the YouTube clip of a Yule Log as we celebrate the Top 100 special moments of this nameless 'tardtastic decade, "The first decade of the Third Millennium."

100. John Edwards chased into a Los Angeles hotel bathroom by National Enquirer reporters.

99. Nevada governor Jim Gibbons imitating the Hip Hop by putting a napkin on his head, on a cruise ship.

98. YouTube.

Dennis Hastert, remember that fat sack of shit?

97. Barack Obama's DNC speech, in the Year 2000. Or whenever it was .... we didn't see it, but this is how he became president, is that right?

96. Meghan McCain's "children's book" which was just some awful propaganda about her war-criminal crank dad printed alongside the world's shittiest faux-Rockwell illustrations.

95. Just the whole concept of Meghan McCain, in general.

Actual photograph of post-Katrina New Orleans.

94. Mark Foley, Republican congressional star of Florida, just cold fuckin' boys and drunkenly trying to hump on House pages. Bonus: He used AIM.

93. Everybody got hugely fat, and also poor. Wait that is pretty much a bad thing, right? Let's move on.

92. PUMAs!

91. "Mouthpiece Theater."

90. Warblogging.

89. Teabagging.

88. The first season -- and only the first season, really -- of the pay-teevee cable western, Deadwood.

87. Ron Paul's presidential campaign.

86. Ron Paul's BLIMP.

85. Freedom Fries.

84. Eh, maybe we should break this up into *sections,* yes, for Maximum Page Views. Page Views! That was something from the 2000s, right? (And also from the 1990s, which look so much better from the rear-view of the 2000s.)

83. Profit?

And here is an actual photograph of this decade, the 2000s.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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