Whoa hey is it almost the 2010s? And here I am still writing "Fuck the Pope" on my checks. Well, let's start the first of a Very Long Series of special "year ender" journamalism features of the kind you could once find in your "local newspaper" this time of year, back when there were newspapers.
You remember, maybe, a bunch of half-ass thumbsuckers and "retrospectives" typed by conventional-wisdom newspaper reporters so they could take off a whole week at Christmas and yet still have "evergreen" articles in the paper, alongside a bunch of obvious AP graphics and re-used Photos of the Year? ANYWAY: Did you know that this was a really terrible decade, in every measurable way?
But let's focus on the Positive, and all gather around the YouTube clip of a Yule Log as we celebrate the Top 100 special moments of this nameless 'tardtastic decade, "The first decade of the Third Millennium."
100. John Edwards chased into a Los Angeles hotel bathroom by National Enquirer reporters.
99. Nevada governor Jim Gibbons imitating the Hip Hop by putting a napkin on his head, on a cruise ship.
98. YouTube.
97. Barack Obama's DNC speech, in the Year 2000. Or whenever it was .... we didn't see it, but this is how he became president, is that right?
96. Meghan McCain's "children's book" which was just some awful propaganda about her war-criminal crank dad printed alongside the world's shittiest faux-Rockwell illustrations.
95. Just the whole concept of Meghan McCain, in general.
94. Mark Foley, Republican congressional star of Florida, just cold fuckin' boys and drunkenly trying to hump on House pages. Bonus: He used AIM.
93. Everybody got hugely fat, and also poor. Wait that is pretty much a bad thing, right? Let's move on.
92. PUMAs!
90. Warblogging.
89. Teabagging.
88. The first season -- and only the first season, really -- of the pay-teevee cable western, Deadwood.
87. Ron Paul's presidential campaign.
86. Ron Paul's BLIMP.
85. Freedom Fries.
84. Eh, maybe we should break this up into *sections,* yes, for Maximum Page Views. Page Views! That was something from the 2000s, right? (And also from the 1990s, which look so much better from the rear-view of the 2000s.)
83. Profit?
