When we last checked in with our old buddy Sebastian Gorka, he was very busy doing NOT Nazi stuff. Like waving his spiffy new blue badge around the halls of the White House. And blocking people on Twitter. And hollering at college students. And polishing up his Hungarian medals. Which are a tribute to his father, and totally NOT in a Nazi way!

He was also insisting that he must be called DOCTOR GORKA. Because he heals the disease of Islamofascism??? We do not know.

But if we had a [coughcough]"doctorate," rather than a DOCTORATE!!!, we might dial back the Otto von Bismarck act just a tick. But we are not superstar grifters, so don't take our advice.

When DOCTOR GORKA looks in the mirror...

DOCTOR GORKA was born in England to Hungarian expats, but emigrated to Hungary in the early '90s after the fall of Communism. Buzzfeed went to Hungary to shed some light on the good DOCTOR'S illustrious beginnings.

“A young man born in Britain, born to a Hungarian nationalist, who wants to return home and serve Hungary? This all would have sounded very well to me at the time.”

It didn’t always work out as planned. “Some people turned out not to be usable,” [former Defense Minister] Jeszenszky said.

According to Gabor Horvath, editor of a newspaper called Népszava, “anyone coming from the West during this time could get a government job based on this idea that Hungarians who’d grown up in the West were somehow more intelligent and better educated.

Back in London, DOCTOR GORKA was just a kid who'd majored in philosophy. But in Hungary, he was A Founder of Think Tanks, A Serious Political Figure and A Former Agent of Britain's Intelligence Service MI6. OR, he was just a total bullshitter. In 2002, DOCTOR GORKA's request for security clearance for a Hungarian parliamentary committee was denied.

The intelligence officer said the investigation for his security clearance did not believe Gorka was being candid. “These claims were not considered credible because by this point we understood that Gorka and many like him didn’t return to Hungary because of patriotism or skills but rather because they couldn’t be successful in the West, where they were born or raised, and thus wanted to come to Hungary,” the officer said. “So do we believe that he was an MI6 agent like he claimed? No, he’s not smart enough or well-trained enough.”

Well, DOCTOR GORKA knows where he's not wanted! And September 11th, 2001, had given him a whole new plan for grifting: Hate the Muslims! Time for some failing upward in the the Land of Opportunity. And now the DOCTOR could market himself as an expert in how Islamofascism was destroying Europe, having been a high ranking figure in Hungarian politics AND an MI6 agent. Fake it 'til you make it, right Sebs?

There was only one thing missing. He'd already added the middle initial "V" when he pinkyswore allegiance to Vitézi Rend, who are totally NOT Nazis. But he needed some extra letters, to show he was a Serious Expert on the Muslim Sharia Islamo-Terror Crusades. So he buckled down and spent years studying with the best European minds.


No, he hightailed it for the US where he barfed up some gobbledygook on SCARY MUSLIMS, cribbed a few passages from an article his wife had published a few years back, and shipped it back to Hungary to get washed appear before a dissertation committee. Errr... how about "dissertation committee"? Andrew Reynolds, an IRL Ph.D who teaches at the University of North Carolina did a little digging into the robust review process at Corvinus University in Budapest.

The dissertation is online and includes the ‘evaluations’ of three referees who each presented a page of generalized comments – completely at odds with the detailed substantive and methodological evaluations that I’ve seen at every Ph.D defence I’ve been on over the last twenty years.

Two of the three referees did not even have a Ph.D. One was the US Defense Attaché at the American Embassy in Budapest at the time, while the other was employed at the UK’s Defence Academy and just had a BA from Manchester University awarded in 1969. This ‘neutral’ examiner had published a book in Hungary with Gorka three years previously. While graduate students sometimes collaborate with their advisors the independent external examiners must have no nepotistic ties with the candidate. More important, a basic principle of assessing educational achievement is that your examiners have at least the degree level of the degree they are awarding. Undergraduates do not award Ph.Ds. In Gorka’s case the only examiner who lists a doctorate was György Schöpflin – an extreme right wing Hungarian Member of the European Parliament who recently advocated putting pigs heads on a fence on the Hungarian border to keep out Muslims.

Sounds legit! No wonder Breitbart hired this fount of wisdom! And now we all get to share in the benefits of his hard-won expertise. Sadly, it seems you have yet to be granted a security clearance. But surely it is just those Deep State Obama holdovers depriving the president of your wise counsel, the same as they sabotaged him by clearing General Flynn. But you serve your country by appearing on Fox News, Tweeting, and drinking coffee at the White House canteen. A grateful nation salutes you, DOCTOR GORKA! Gratulálok a diplomádhoz!

[Death and Taxes / Prof. Reynolds, UNC / Buzzfeed / LawyersGunsMoneyBlog / AdrianWeale.Com / WaPo / UK Telegraph]

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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