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Maud Pie has just about had it with your schist


Hi, Wonkers! For all the political news this week, it seems as if Wingnut Nation was happy enough watching the Trumpsterfuck in Cleveland that they didn't feel the need to make their way to Wonkette and get themselves deleted -- we got relatively few absolute stinkers this week. Happily, there's never an shortage of derp, like this deeply-felt outrage from "Yay Bubbles," who is either easily excited by bubbles or has found a way to put yay into bubbles, which would be quite a boon to party planners everywhere. Yay makes the perfectly plausible assertion that they were supporting Hillary, at least until the press started having a field day with Melania Trump's plagiarized speech at the RNC:

Gee Wiz You Are So Edgy!! What an incredible piece of Journalism! I know now so much more about the various issues of day. (sarcasm)

Today was the last straw. Every single media outlet reported on Melanie Trump's vacuous cliche speech being plagiarized. Nobody cares anymore. Just like I stopped listening to Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and ALL THE OTHER RIGHT WING KOOK's, I've now stopped listening to you people as well.

I WAS voting Hillary. She's gotten such a raw deal. Her husband cheated, and SHE GOT BLAMED, her party deserted her for some upstart (Obama) and through it all she's been such a trooper, but too bad.

I don't want a president which will have ZERO MEDIA CRITICISM. All of you people have now proven you have no journalistic ethics, and even if you did, you're aren't smart enough to understand what constitutes news and what does not.

So F IT! Bye Felicia! I'm voting Trump!

Well, then! You people wrote about a thing that happened, so obviously now I have to change my vote because you never write about anything else. Makes sense. We have to wonder why this person was especially worried about the journalistic ethics of a mommyblog whose article mocking the lame GOP defense of the plagiarism included a skeptical lavender unicorn giving Melania the stink-eye. We don't do journalism here, silly, although we are at least more ethical than to pretend we change our political affiliations over a snarky article we saw on a blog. Still, we suppose we should apologize to the Clinton campaign in case we were personally responsible for flipping a key voter. Also notable: Before the banhammer came down, Yay Bubbles copypasted the exact same comment to a wholly unrelated article from last September, and replied to another commenter who said "my...such an intelligent, well-reasoned, ironclad argument as to why you switched your vote!" with a complete nonsequitur:

both are liars. abortion will stay legal no matter who is elected. the problem with hillary is that she will have ZERO checks and balances from the fourth estate.

And no, while we shortened the comment a bit, the person to whom Yay Bubbles replied hadn't said a thing about abortion. We can see why Yay Bubbles is attracted to the thought processes of Donald Trump. Their Disqus history is a a voyage into not-making-sense-land, too, a melange of rants about how terrible Muslims are to gays and impassioned commentary on TV shows. And entirely too many uses of "Bye, Felicia" for one person.

"Ernest Spoon" wasn't at all pleased that we said unkind things about The Young Turks in our story about the near-fisticuffs between Cenk Uygur, Roger Stone, and Alex Jones, and while we didn't actually swing the banhammer, we have to say we were flattered by the rule of thumb Ernest laid out in his comment:

Wonkette: The Bullshit Bolsheviks of the Internet.

Whenever a political column starts with ¨Sane, rational adults...,¨ while a cat-suited dominatrix logo floats nearby, it is a sure sign that the writer is a shill for the soft, gooey, corporatationist center that is so beloved by our triangulating Clintonista dominated Democratic Party.

That seems like an awfully narrow set of criteria, but it's pretty good wordsmithing. Though perhaps a bit logically inconsistent: How can we be both Bolsheviks and corporationist centrists? Perhaps we're simply not Trotskyite enough.

That piece attracted a number of other detractors, like "Mark Paul," who wanted to clear up a little fact about politics in U.S. America:

At this stage, if you are voting for a Democrat, you are unaware of what they have done or you too are morally bankrupt

We hesitate to even include that since it's such a sad attempt at invective, but as we say, slow week.

Much better was this collection of word salad from "sinloVictorCharley," who created a brand new account to post this single comment:

Alex jones ordered to incite, ted nugent ordered to stand down, hmmmm. Both failed. A hundred officers to escort jones and his boyfriends to safety to an suv that just happened to be parked near by, hmmmm. The last group to escort him were wearing Indiana state trooper uniforms hmmmm. Escape route was planned...hmmmm. Who"s the guy in the video with the long gun hmmmm. Who ever is running this black/op is scramblin in their bunker. Time is running out for them. They will be even more dangerous and desperate... But who are their handlers...hmmmm.

Um. Wut? That's just one grassy knoll short of a faked Moon Landing, if you ask us. With nothing else from this user to go on, we're going to assume it's authentic conspiracy gibberish, but if it was a brilliant parody of conspiratorial thinking, we invite the author to contact us at doktorzoom at wonkette dot com to be unbanned. Poe's Law is a tricky thing. Hmmmmmmm.

And then there was "singingcowboy674," who explained that there was no near-fight between Cenk Uygur's TV crew and Mssrs Jones and Stone, because in fact the whole performace was a charade, like teevee wrasslin'. That's just how your global elite thought leaders roll, it turns out:

Not even CLOSE Nikki. Jones got it ALL. They didn't "invade" Turks set and interrupt. One of Turks people caught up with Jones' team and invited them over as they have some multiple times before. They put on a show for people telling at each other and a "good time is had by all". I guess Cynk must have been on the rag. It's when Jones said something begrudgingly against Killary and threw him a T-Shirt, THAT'S when Cynk pitched a bitch. Jones thought he was PLAYING at first. Due to their common "wressler" hate relationship. But after it was all said and done the cops were called on Jones' people and himself and the cops saw the tape and said Jones did nothing wrong. Then strangely Jones' channel started being pulled by YouTube. Because Cynk and Google has a contract. They didn't want bad joojoo to come down on their not so they tried to shut Jones channel down. Which was useless as the whole thing is up on infowars.com. I hear lawsuits are already being filed.

If you don't think that world power brokers, corporations and governments don't conspire with one another then you are brain dead. I'm conspiring with a friend to go on a road trip. Our company is conspiring together to win the accounts of someone else. Like Hillary is CONSPIRING with the DNC to win the election. I would site the new wikileaks that hacked the emails regarding tactics to push against Sanders.Which I might add, had I proposed this same notion especially to the lefties out there before this wikileaks release, YOU would have ate me for breakfast calling me a right wing nutjob. A "conspiracy theorist". A Trumpkin.

Better pull your head out of your ass sweetheart or life's going to come by and take a chunk of it.

It took us a moment to realize that "Nikki" is supposed to be Dominic the Intern. For a moment we thought SingingCowboy674 was replying to the spambot's roommate who makes $27,000 an hour. And yes, we're still having a good laugh at the idea that Cenk Uygur or Alex Jones is a world power broker. But apparently he is -- when another commenter who said we shouldn't equate Uygur and Jones because while Urgur is merely abrasive, he's not deranged (and I'd say that's a fair cop, guvner), SingingCowboy674 explained that Jones merely has to feign crazy so he won't be caught. Or something:

Jones isn't crazy you dip. He's a informant on the shadow government. Well, less shadow every day really. But for them to let him continue without taking him out, he has to put out some disinformation too. Your coining of Jones as "bat crap crazy" is little more than your personal opinion and not really based on fact at all. But I know kind only use facts when it benefits them. And bury them if they stand in the way.

Let me ask you a question. Without googling it, and be honest -- do you know why we celebrate the 4th of July? Who were the two major players? And what did it lead to?

If you don't know, own up and tell me. I'm just wanting to guage your knowledge of history a bit.

Sadly, he never came back to explain what that "4th of July" thing was about. Almost feel bad about banhammering him, because if he insisted "the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by the Continental Congress" was the wrong answer, we'd have been fascinated to know what that was all about. But he was tracking poo all over the carpets, so he's gone.

And finally, we thought you might enjoy this bit of complete bafflegab that somehow made it past the spam filters, because it is really quite wonderfully awful:

i never believe that there still exist a real spell caster after all this years of disappointment from the enormous spammers on the Internet who go about scamming people, until i was opportune to meet Dr noble , through a close friend Mr Bernard who he (Dr noble) had helped before ,when i contacted him with his email via [email redacted] ,i explain how my ex left me for another woman simply for no justifiable reasons , he assured me not to worry as i have contacted the right person at the right time, i co-operated with him and in less than a week my ex was back begging and i forgive him and now we are back together and stronger all thanks to doctor Noble indeed he is really a noble man ...

Honestly, it made us a little nostalgic for the Nigerian Finance Ministers of olde. Also, a warning to consumers: if you want a reliable spellcaster, write your own D & D character sheet.

Programming note: No Senate Sunday this weekend. We're resting up between conventions.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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