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Could you make all your posts about rocks? That would really improve them.


Our deleted comments bag is full of the usual colorful array of comments from lackwits, poltroons, and twaddlemongers this week, plus a rare treat: an actual hate email to Yr Editrix, which we'll give pride of place by running it first. It's not in reaction to any particular story, more just a disappointed comment on how sad it is that a once good blog has declined in quality from its glory days. You know it's gonna be good from the subject line alone:

To: tips at Wonkette dot com

From: doncho sachev

Subject: so, so bad

Dear Wonkette,

But maybe not so dear. During Obama presidency Wonkette like every pro-democrat blog became a travesty of media. Critisim to american president suddenly vanished. Everyting and everywhere is excellent. I thought comunism finally arrive in America and that was so sad. Wonkette became a troll factory, a propaganda machine of the Brave New World. You missed so many stopries and instead prefere to write about every bullshit republicans said. But If America elects Trump Wonkette suddenly will wake up and realize everithing is fucked up, the wolrd is ruins, but Obama and Hillary are not guilty of anything...I miss Ken Layne.

It's that last line that makes us fall in love, as if former Wonkette owner Ken Layne had been a rare voice of conservative reason whose short anti-Marxist tenure at Wonkette was all too brutally shut down by the Powers That Be. Still, we share doncho sachev's shock and surprise that with the election of Barack Obama, we suddenly stopped criticizing President George W. Bush. It's almost as if we lost our moral compass.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600291/maine-gov-paul-lepage-will-teach-democrats-lesson-by-refusing-to-swear-any-of-them-in"[/wonkbar]Our story on Maine Gov. Paul LePage's tantrum last week, in which he cancelled the swearing in of a Democratic state senator elected in a special election, gave a bright idea to Kongfish, who wants to know why any self-respecting American would ever let a Democrat take office, regardless of whether people were stupid enough to vote for one. As always in Dear Shitferbrains, all spelling and punctuation is verbatim:

He'll, truth be known, it's an act of tresion to swear any demacrat into office anywhere in the United States of America. Based on the views and beliefs of any Progressive, socialist, Liberial, Demacrat, or communist they all mean the same exact thing. They just keep changing the name to hide their history from the next generation of kids they cycle through the brainwashing program propagated by the Dept. Of Education.

I can't understand why these socialist want to live in a Republic, they just want to steal our piece of paradise and turn it into another 1944 Socialist Berlin.

Clearly, Kongfish is possessed of a historical knowledge unavailable to the average reader, who might think Berlin in 1944 was still under Nazi control. Kongfish's entire Disqus comment history reads pretty much like this, complete with references to the "54 people that have woke up dead" because they were murdered by the Clintons, a press corps made up of "heidnistic rich kids that all went to Columbia University, (AKA) 'Communist central'," and a warning that when it comes to child predators, the leftwing media is "the pipe piper." Still, he's happy with one thing Barack Obama has done: Bombing that Doctors Without Borders hospital in Afghanistan, which blew up "a bunch of communist liberals." We can see why he's so angry at America's education system.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600197/little-marco-rubio-drunk-texts-gop-begs-for-one-more-hot-night-with-his-delegates"[/wonkbar]We received a special ray of sunshine last week from "DJ," whose comment on Evan's piece about Marco Rubio drunk-texting the GOP was composed with some special character set that we frankly didn't recognize. Neither did Wordpress, so here's a screenshot:

DJ message to Evan

We think DJ didn't like the piece. The picture of the toilet gave it away. Again, if you look at his comment history, this is apparently something DJ is really into. He doesn't so much have a train of thought as a wayward rebus.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600073/deleted-comments-stop-failing-to-recognize-donald-trumps-genius"[/wonkbar]A recent Dear Shitferbrains featured some rightwing idiots bloviating about the evils of Islam, which moved someone with the username "DL" to offer, by contrast, some moderate bloviating about the evils of Islam. After all, why should the haters and racists control the anti-Islam discourse?

The uncomfortable fact that many (most) on the left don't want to admit is that: for all the right-wing, proto-fascist nonsense that comes out of the mouths of people like Trump, they are at least acknowledging Islamic Jihadism as the massive global threat that it really is. It would be nice if more left-leaning folks would stop with the instant apologetics for Islam when we get our monthly/weekly bombing or whatever from yet another crazed follower and actually confronted the real problems with avoiding the necessary and logical critique of so-called "Muslim culture" (which usually just amounts to the boring claim that somehow the religion is not to blame..just other things that all happen to be tied to Islam). Or the usual "oh but all religions have their extremists" (yes, because there is a wave of Amish terrorism we must be concerned with here in the U.S.) If the left would just finally admit that Islam *is* the problem, it would mean that people in the right-wing echo chamber would lose their ability to fear-monger and use kneejerk racism to lure followers and a much more rational and honest discussion could take place about how best to deal with the problem without it sounding like a televised Klan meeting.

Look, if you'd simply recognize that 1.6 billion members of a diverse religion with many branches are all devoted to a dangerous sect that is the root of all terrorism, then we wouldn't have to see all these rightwing rabble-rousers leading the conversation. Instead, we could have a nice calm discussion of why all the Muslims are trying to kill us. Only then can we solve the problem. Which is Islam.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600307/white-idiots-with-guns-meet-black-panthers-with-guns-retreat-declare-perfect-victory"[/wonkbar]Our story on the nice white patriot militia dudes who decided to make a strategic retreat from their armed protest at a Nation of Islam mosque in South Dallas -- after several hundred black counter-protesters showed up, including the similarly armed members of the New Black Panthers and the Huey P. Newton Gun Club -- elicited some thoughts from "Pamela," who sought to clarify the differing motives of the two groups:

The "whites" showed up to protest Muslims radicalizing kids to attack all Americans. Racist "blacks" showed up to protest white skin.

Yet, the Racist Anti-white media will stand with Racist black groups, who stand with terrorists, against all Americans, because they hate whites.

Things are going to get fun. Keep pushing. Might get you race war, you're begging for.

200,000,000 whites with "lots" of guns vs. 40,000,000 blacks.

We get the feeling we're not the ones dreaming of a race war. We looked over the article again and didn't see a single place where we said, "hey, let's have us a race war." We'll have to be clearer about that next time we write on the topic.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600458/nice-time-ellen-degeneres-tells-mississippi-where-to-ram-its-new-gay-hatin-law"[/wonkbar]Finally, we got trolled, big-time, by a wag calling himself "Donald Stern," who infested our thread on Ellen DeGeneres telling Mississippi what it could do with its brand new gay-hating law. Here are a few nuggets from Donald:

  • Mississippi is a thriving economy...By 2021 it was surpass Cal as the Richest state in America.
  • Mississippi has 2 of the best Universities in America ( Miss St.) (Ole Miss)...Mississippi is more religious than the Republic of Cal...Cal right now has the 10th largest economy in the World but by 2021 things will shift dramatically.
  • Cal needs to leave the U.S....Who knows maybe a 9.7 will break it from America.
  • Mississippi ain't perfect but Republic of Cal is just...Is just...is just Cal. Our scholls are movink up in the south...Nothing beats southern Hospitality or our great meals....
  • I dont drink but I do it gator meat.
  • There would be no U.S [without Mississippi]...a lot of your Crap, Fish, Schrimp comes from the Mississippi river plain and simple.
  • Mississippi has hard working Americans....I've been to Cal oh boy is it a mess...Gangsters...Drugs....illegals....Crime etc etc.
  • Yes I have been to Mississippi it is my home and always Wil....But Cal is pretty bad} Dope heads on every street corner..Drive by Shootings daily..Scholls are way overcrowded..illegals getting Welfare free health care etc etc.
  • Uganda is in Africa where most live very poor...Mississippi is way better than Uganda. We work very hard here...I kill Gators for a living make ( Boots) (Belts) ( Vest) ( Gator Meat) it brings in good dolars.
  • You have a Right to be wrong and I can't take that away from you...I was just exactly like you but I turned to Christ and my life is my better...I am making more $$$ with my business.

Everybody had a fine old time laughing at the gator-eating doofus, except once you look at his comment history, you quickly see that "Donald Stern" is a Universal Troll -- on one site he'll post "Trump/Palin 2016!" and on another he'll insist that Ted Cruz is the only conservative who can save America. Elsewhere he mocks "RepubliCUNTS" and "CUNTservatives," says he isn't worried about Islam nearly as much as he's worried by right-wing bigots, and even said that an economic boycott of Mississippi would be pointless, because "what the F** K is there to boycott in Mississippi?" Not one mention of gators. And whatever costume he puts on, his spelling is always a lot better than it was during his brief visit to Wonkette. So hey, excellent trolling, Mr. "Stern," and we guess you taught us an important lesson, which was that, as Aristotle warned, you can't believe everything you read on the internet. We suppose we could follow up with Kurt Vonnegut's warning from Mother Night: "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." But then you'd just show up pretending to be a Tralfamadorian, and then where would we be?

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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