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Freedom's just another word salad for nothing left to say


It took a while, but we finally started hearing from the Ammon Bundy Freedom-N-Liberty-N-Armed Insurrection Fan Club, and they are every bit as nice as you'd expect! Consider this thoughtful critique of our coverage, from "TonyinMO," who took issue with our story on the Frito Bunditos' decision to turn down the local sheriff's offer of safe exit from the state if they'd just get the hell out:

I never seen a bigger group of ignorant know nothings than the author of this article and the majority of the backwardsass imbreds in the comment section. Do any of you fucktards understand the definition of liberty?

So your idea of liberty is being told what to do by the federal government?

[contextly_sidebar id="DcSTHLrn8EvGIjl96OjA0zjJYq9NbjWN"]We'll have to grant him that one. We never seen even a single Backwardass Imbred at all. Perhaps that's one of the rare avian species at the wildlife refuge the Band of Bothers has been illegally occupying.

In reply to another comment (which we do not allow) TonyinMO also explained a few other things about the Constitution and America and Freedom to us, and he got angrier than a backwardass imbred at somebody else's typo, too:

The federal govt. doesn't own jack shit, it's owned by the people. Maybe one day you'll understand just how a republic works and what the 2nd amendment is all about. Until then remain stupid and get yourself spellcheck. "raisons" WTF kind of an uneducated fool are you?

"Owned by the people" means, of course, that The People can do whatever they want, especially if they have guns, which are what create actual freedom. Tony also linked, multiple times, to a very smart Facebook video in which a guy in a hoodie explains how the Lamestream Media lies to We The People all the time:

Still talking out your ass I see. Hard to take a moron like you serious. Here watch this and educate yourself.

(EDIT)You pussies can't handle the truth so the loser Wankette blocks me what a bunch of pussy trolls you are, enjoy your echo chamber, I suggest you all wear trash cans over your heads, you wouldn't want to accidentally come in contact with any knowledge.

Yep, that's us, a bunch of creeps who can't handle the truth, especially when it's shouted at us again and again. (To view the dumb embedded video below, you have to be logged into your FacePlace account -- thanks a lot, Zuckerberg!)

Finally, possibly in reply to someone else or just out of sheer anger at how the Federal Government enslaves us all, TonyinMO complained about how those incompetent fools at the Missouri Dept. Of Social Services keep screwing up his Medicaid. We swear we are not making this up:

I think they sent all the Democrats that got voted out in the last election to answer the phones at the MO Dept. Of Social Services. Those idiots do everything in their power to deny you what little coverage Medicaid offers you.

My spend down is $575 per mo. Our lawmakers have really screwed this up I wish they would move out of state.

Keep Living Free, Tony. You magnificent Militia of One.

[contextly_sidebar id="mqEr6R11N2x0eENjRq9YAzglbljUe4QL"]We also heard from a wit with the username "mike Hunt," which might be funnier if capitalized right. In reply to our story on the pranksters who sent dildos to the Bundetariate, "mike Hunt" employed the classic "I dare you to say that to somebody else's face somewhere else" strategy:

I would love to see the writer of this trash rag to go to Oregon and say things to the face of the ranchers.. It would be hilarious to watch the beating..

Get to it you gutless wonder. Man up. don't hide behind the keybord.

mike Hunt was a pretty tough talker, as befits a tough man who calls out others for hiding behind a keybord while presumably using some other less cowardly input device. Maybe he shoots at letters on a big titanium keybord. (Hmmm... a keyboard operated by shooting at it. Better get on that patent application!) When someone noted that he was likely to win a date with the Banhammer of Loving Correction (© and ™ John Scalzi), he offered to beat up the blog moderators, too:

Oh, scary.. banned from a worthless libtard rag that no one but a few of you retard read..Tell Banhammer to come meet me., I will teach him how it really works.

Thanks for the offer, mike. We're already quite familiar with how the Disqus moderation dashboard works, as you have no doubt noticed. But we appreciate your willingness to be an educational asset to the community.

Soon, mike was explaining that we need to let ranchers graze their already highly subsidized cattle on public land for free, and maybe in wildlife sanctuaries too, because it's a matter of simple economics and we are SO DUMM, not to mention all on welfare:

  • It's going to be hilarious to watch all the keyboard commando liberals cry when beef hits $14 a pound and EBT can't keep up with the increase..
  • News flash morons.. These ranchers you hate. FEED AMERICA..
  • Who are they? THEY FEED AMERICA dipshit.. Meaning when you take your EBT card to the market, you can buy meat because of them.,

    So when you are paying $14 a pound for rotten Chinese beef, don't cry.. just take it.

  • You never paid for anything. it requires taxes, meaning you have to have a JOB.. Fuckin basement dweller.

[contextly_sidebar id="Oze8qDesBvsW2UOJqXuODqDWrDjYJ5yl"]And finally, on a non-Bundy topic for a change, our story on Iran's release of several American prisoners brought in "Randy," who unleashed an impressive string of non sequiturs before being sent to the Memory Hole. He offered a number of trenchant observations on the current political scene; what's impressive is that while they may appear to be replies to other comments, they were posted as standalone comments, either because they were free-floating thoughts, or because Randy couldn't find the "reply" button and simply wrote his replies in the "join the discussion" box at the top of the page:

  • What it looks like is what we been thinking all along..... Trump 2016
  • Truth just hurts those who hate it
  • Blue states moving to reds for jobs, cities across America in ruins run by democrats, google population movement
  • Hillary is old news, stalled , no growth left, all dried up, should fall in the toilet soon
  • Cant Stop Trump
  • 20 % democrats are smart, they are voting Trump 2016
  • Go Trump Fuk Obama ???
  • Bill has black book, at home paaaarrrtey
  • Rs work for Ds, and medias lead the sheep
  • Funny most Trump supporters already knew, something is seriously offf
  • Something going onnnnnn
  • Why would you give the enemy Iraq, and $150 billion, jump sides in the middle of war, leave the sunnis hanging and ISIS grows from 1000 to 75,000 in the last 3 years.....and not vet the enemies to let in, in the news alot now, they here.....Then try to take your guns, or defence, really? HILLARY had a server to cut off government from seeing all that corruption, and foundation growth, secrets, why would you hide that at home, hmmmmmm

    No more, need real patriot, Trump 2016

  • Not racist, got black T on Trump 2016

We like that last one: He's not racist, he's wearing a black t-shirt! HAW HAW HAW!

Randy did manage to hit "Reply" a few times, which is an encouraging sign that even the simplest primates can learn. His replies tended not to make much sense, but they were at least correctly placed. When one reader complained that Randy "can't use proper grammar," Randy replied "To much pc." Apparently any form of correctness is political correctness, which must be shunned. He said pretty much the same thing when someone else pointed out that Randy was repetitious, couldn't spell, and "just ain't very bright." Randy's comeback? "Like PC matters tard."

You know you've got a diehard Trump supporter when he's dead set against "PC" and has no fucking idea what it even is.

We'll close with our favorite, in which a frustrated commenter got tired of Randy's offenses against basic English and posted this short clip of Samuel L. Jackson making an impassioned plea for literate discourse:

Randy's reply? "Example of left racism."

Must be. There's a black guy yelling, it must be racist. Shame on us. We bet Randy would never say that to Samuel L. Jackson's face instead of hiding behind a backwardass imbred keybord.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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