We've got a bit of a backlog in the ol' comments queue, so let's try to plow through them fairly quickly, OK? Turns out that we're still getting a lot of comments on guns, because if there's anything we're clearly wrong about, it's the miraculous power of a gun! Just listen to would-be commenter "Breethwithme," who wants us to do some deep breathing exercises we guess, and also to set us straight on guns, in response to our story aboutthat knife attack in Pennsylvania. You see, here is why the Second Amendment is in the Constitution:


All these anti constitution people on here. Let me tell you why I carry a gun. I went to work for a construction company in Las Vegas. I got there and went to my hotel there was four of us I went to go get some pizza and beers for everybody I came back and the door was locked so I knocked this black guy opened the door. I said oops must be the wrong room he pulled out his pistol and said nope right room and pulled me in. When I got in all my friends where tied up. With another black guy pointing there guns at them. They took everything even the pizza and beer. So until something happens to you and it changes your mind don't stomp on my right to defend myself. It don't happen to everybody but when it dose it makes u think that the cops only show up after the crime has already been committed

We guess we understand -- if only Breethwithme had been packing heat at the time, he could have tried to pull his gun and shoot the guy at the door, and somehow also shoot the second guy as well, before the second guy could have killed any of his friends. As it is, they were robbed -- but if he'd been armed, a couple of them could be dead, too! Or maybe if all of them had been armed, they could have fought off the invading blacks of Las Vegas, who took even their pizza and beer.

We certainly feel much safer, knowing that somewhere out there, a guy with a gun is playing this experience over and over in his head, entering every social interaction ready to shoot to kill.

That story also brought this comment from "NRAmember1911," who had some interesting thoughts on the relative lethality of various weapons, and also did not care for a Wonkette commenter who referred to "gun nuts":

What rock did your crawl out from under? what the hell is a gun nut. the only nut here is you. The real issue is mental health who cares if he used a knife a gun or a bomb the result is that same. Get off your high horse and stop living in the past. Get a life.

Heaven knows that a switchblade, an AR-15, and a pipe bomb have no discernible differences, so why are pipe bombs illegal, huh? The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a pipe bomb is a good guy with a pipe bomb, after all. If you want to take my pipe bomb away, you'll have to take it from my cold shredded stumps.

A different gun story, about the hero Rhode Island state senator who told an Alex Jones toady to Gently Caress Himself, elicited a couple of replies from a creative soul who chose the username "UckfayOuyay," because nothing gets a vehement curse across like putting it in pig Latin. After Sen. Josh Miller told the InfoWarrior to engage in autocoitus, says UckfayOuyay, Rhode Island's gun-fondling community was greatly invigorated:

The best part about this? It just set off a firestorm in the gun owning community, bash all you want but we win every time, we are in the majority now, and the more angry we get the more scary it gets for you freak outcasts. Have fun, got to live disposable accts where I dont have to see your ignorant screed in my email c unts.

Haha, he thinks we filter out cuss words. He also seems to think that Yr Wonkette is going to come after him through his email or something. UckfayOuayay left a second comment as well, explaining that we were "lol fu ck tards," and we were briefly tempted to let him (probably a guy, don't you think?) have an account, just so he could have a place on the interwebs where he could write his favorite swears with all four letters together. But tough sh it for him.

We continue to get comments on the Great Bundy Ranch FreedomPalooza, too, including several from someone with the Tolkienesque moniker "nerkbuck." Nerkbuck, in a hazy reply to someone else's comment, manages to drag in 9/11 trutherism while claiming that American Freedom is protected by self-appointed militiamen standing up for a man's right to ignore the law:

Probably the fact that they are fighting against Tyranny. Keep believing a guy in a cave working with guys with boxcutters brought down 3 buildings with 2 planes. Those people out there, the ones carrying the flag, are the ones that protect your freedoms.

See, we thought it was The Troops who protect our freedoms, along with a lot of help from the ACLU, of course. But apparently our freedoms are actually in the hands of morons taking aim at federal agents from behind a highway barrier. And now we actually do fear for our freedoms. Nerkbuck also didn't like that we made fun of the sovereign-citizen notion that the highest legitimate authority is a county sheriff, but didn't want to get bogged down in all the Constitutional details:

So,,,what is false about that statement? I don't have the time to teach you, but you should look into the validity of his statement.

We certainly will, although we sort of wish you would try to "teach" us. We bet it would be "educational." And in another cryptic comment, nerkbuck scoffs at the notion that the BLM exercised restraint in the Bundy confrontation:

The BLM shot and killed somebody a couple weeks ago there. Idiot

You know, we're pretty sure we'd have heard about it if that had actually happened. We'd never have heard the end of it, in fact. But sure, cool story, bro.

We also got a pretty swift "Gotcha!" from "Dave N." about our story yesterday which revealed that Cliven Bundy's family hasn't exactly been living on his land as long as the rivers run and the grass gets trampled by overgrazing cattle. Dave N. has totally got our number, with this very close parsing of what Bundy has said about his family's ancestral claim to the federal land that he does not own or have any grazing rights to:

Did you notice that the Virgin Valley flows from Utah, through Arizona and into Nevada? It's a big place and it doesn't surprise me at all that his family has been up and down the valley since 1877. There's a big difference between saying "My family has owned this specific piece of land since 1877", which he did NOT say, and what he DID say "My forefathers have been up and down the Virgin Valley here ever since 1877." You can call him a liar if you want, but he didn't say what you think he said.

Ow, Wonket, YA BURNT! Also, Kid Zoom said he would "wake up" at 6:30, not that he would "get out of bed" at 6:30, and he made no promises about "hanging up his towel" after showering. More to the point, no matter where Bundy's family lived from 1870 on, that has no bearing on his alleged right to run cattle for free on federal land that he doesn't own or have rights to use. But thank you for playing, Dave N.!

And finally, a long, long comment on the Bundy story, from "CplShigeko," who had a whole lot to say about stuff that wasn't in our piece about the putative plan to put women in front. We won't paste in the whole tiresome mess, because we like Our Readers. Instead, a few excerpts:

These protesters were told that their 1st amendment rights applied only in designated zones, away from where their meeting and assembly could impede the demolition work of the BLM. In reality, the 1st amendment covers citizens everywhere within the borders of the country at a minimum. The writer of the article suggests that these women were wrong to use their 2nd amendment rights while also using their 1st amendment rights. In reality, women still have 1st and 2nd amendment rights, equal to men in fact. The constitution does not only apply to men.

Yeah, your guess is as good as ours. We'd just like to remind you that the plan was for the women to go up front to get shot, which we suppose is maybe a form of 1st Amendment activity. We have no idea where this person got any of the ideas in those last three sentences. (For what it's worth, we also think the designation of isolated "protest zones," whether during political conventions or standoffs with loons, is a terrible idea.) After some pretty boring stuff about how "both sides overstepped," but mostly the BLM, CplShigeko takes us to task for suggesting that the armed loons at the Bundy Ranch represent anything but the very best of American volunteer spirit:

What is most disturbing about the article is how the writer fails to see that the grass roots militias of the US are not a "wingnut" isolationist phenomenon. Living in a thoroughly blue state, Washington state, I can tell you our numerous local militias are made up of people of color, straight and gay, men and women, sharing similar sentiment about the importance of key constitutional rights, such as the 1st and the 2nd, same as demonstrated by the supporters of the Bundy cause. And you could bet your bottom dollar the 2nd amendment would be used if your 1st amendment right to disagree with the militia is ever challenged by the same federal over-reach.

We aren't entirely sure, but that last tangled sentence sure sounds a whole lot like CplShigeko is offering to kill some Feds on our behalf if the government ever intrudes on our right to make fun of folks like CplShigeko. It's a mighty generous offer, but we'll pass, thanks.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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