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Oh, golly gee, this will be a fun edition of Dear Shitferbrains, because not only do we have a genuine climate denier in our the ol' comments queue, we also have a concern troll who accuses us of being fascists, a possible Poe's Law enthusiast (or straightforward lunatic), and a Ben Carson fan. AND MORE!


Let's get right to our climate denier, who has the charming moniker "Windy," and was not at all impressed by our piece this week on Real Scientist congresscritter Dan Benishek, who has not seen any evidence of human-caused global warming in peer-reviewed journals. This may have something to do with the fact that his scientific credentials come from being a surgeon, and we bet that climate science doesn't get much mention in surgical journals. But Windy wasn't really interested in the article for its own sake -- mostly, Windy was out to disprove global warming in three brief comments -- two of them with links!

IPCC founded by junior high drop out, led by railway engineer, denounced by many of the scientists that have worked for it. That's where your "Climate Bible " comes from. You're all a bunch of Climate Clowns.

That would be the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, which is thoroughly discredited because its founder, Bert Bolin,  dropped out of junior high school, although we couldn't find any references to that other than Windy's claim. Maybe it happened, though! But somehow, Bolin managed to get master's and doctorate degrees in meteorology from the University of Stockholm, where he also taught for most of his career. Ignore him, because all scientific credibility comes from your junior high school career, maybe. And it is indeed true that the current chair of the IPCC, Rajendra K. Pachauri, began his career as a manager for India's railway system. In the 1970s. He is therefore nothing more than a "railway engineer," despite having headed several environmental science and other international energy and resource groups. This is a very fun deployment of the flexible goalposts of argument via credentials -- if you want to prove that lots of Real Scientists are "climate skeptics," then you include MDs and oilfield engineers as "scientists." But if a technocrat who serves as the top administrator (and not a researcher) of the IPCC isn't a climatologist, then obviously the whole enterprise is fraudulent, as proven by a couple of non-science lines on his résumé, as critiqued by some guy on the interwebs. Stop being such Climate Clowns, you fools!

Windy also explained that the sea level isn't rising, because even if small island nations are being washed away, that's just erosion, dummy:

Jeez, who would have thought living on a sandbar in the middle of the ocean 14 inches above sea level was a precarious proposition. #subsidence. http://www.globalwarminghoaxblog.com/2009/03/sea-...

Ooh, a linky! It's to a 2009 newspaper piece citing the work of an actual science guy, Nils-Axel Mörner, who is certain that ocean levels aren't rising, because the IPCC has just made up the whole thing based on computer models! Except, no, actually, increases in global sea levels are real and measurable, not just projections. Even the International Union for Quaternary Research, which Mörner used to work for, accepts the reality of climate change and has actively distanced itself from Mörner's crackpot claims.

How about another comment, also with a linky?

Video game pilots posting on climate because , you know, why would Bill Nye lie? http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2CiGa82CthU

We especially love this, because we have no idea what "video game pilots" is supposed to refer to -- people who have played Crimson Skies are incapable of really understanding climate science? Wut? Hurry up, Nathan! You're falling behind! Anyway, the video link is to this incredibly boring monotone "it's all a lie" video based on a talk by David M.W. Evans, who, guess what? Has also been debunked in some detail. Just to add to his credibility, Evans likes to hint darkly that climate science is part of a larger conspiracy by sinister behind-the-scenes bad guys -- the usual international bankers and power brokers who secretly run everything, you know.

Moving along to another topic, "Vailbeach" really got our number in this takedown of our piece on the Enormous Scandal revealed by the Washington Post last week: the White House didn't treat a volunteer on its advance team to Cartagena, Columbia as harshly as it did Secret Service agents who hired prostitutes. We were kind of "meh" about it, because the volunteer was a douchey patronage appointment who didn't have any actual involvement in the President's security. Vailbeach says that's exactly why we SHOULD be upset about it:

Boy, is this post the best example yet of smiley-face, morning-zoo style fascism or what!? Congrats for trashing the press for exposing that the WH throws courageous Secret Service agents under the bus while protecting soft-handed rich boys! That'll show the media you've got Obama's back! Leave Britney alone!

Yes, it's true. Wonkette is just one example after another of slack-jawed Obama worship. You got us, Slim.

We aren't sure whether this next one is from a genuinely clueless Muslim person, or from a clueless wingnut pretending to be a Muslim person, or what, but our piece on the poor gun-range lady who is being oppressed for her brave stance on banning Muslims from her business drew this, from "mohammed hossain":

There is not much difrrences between you and a pig. Pigs like to put their mouth in every filthy shits. Even though bible say not to eat pork. Same way you like to bigot about others.

Uh, shame on us, we guess? Whaddya think, Wonkers? Genuinely clueless Muslim who thinks we're attacking Islam in our piece mocking a lady who actually is attacking Islam, or a clever wingnut simulation of an angry Muslim?

Our piece on the irrefutable proof that Obama is the Antichrist (again) -- or at least engaged in Antichrist related program activities -- got this reply from "davehorus371," who wanted to let us know that if we're really serious about proof that Obama is the Antichrist, we need some much more serious reading!

There's a better book suggesting the possibility -- and done very well -- Antichrist 2016-2019

We suppose maybe davehorus371 could be the author, "David Montaigne," or a publicist or fan who wants to pimp the book at every opportunity, but we are mostly just touched by the idea that after we've made fun of one bullshit story of biblical prophecy, what we really want is a much better version of the same bullshit. Then again, it's just nine bucks on Kindle, and we're planning on bringing back "Sundays With the Christianists" real soon, so maybe the bastard just made a sale!

Our story on rightwing clown Jason Mattera following former IRS section director Lois Lerner around and screaming at her was a big hit with "ereck6":

ALRIGHT ! Jason Mattera for president

You rock. Woohoo. All right?

We genuinely enjoy comment moderation most of the time -- it's generally fairly easy to sort out the OK comments from the spam and the candidates for Dear Shitferbrains. But then you get stuff like this, which sort of agrees with the point of the article but also makes us pretty sure we wouldn't want to take a road trip with the would-be commenter. In reply to our piece on conservastud Aaron Schock, who is totally not gay but enjoys running around all shirtless and pecteriffic while playing Army Man, "jaichbin" wrote,

Because he really a bottom and is over compensating. He wants it put to him so bad it scares the hell out of him so let's look macho so nobody will suspect it. How's it working out?

We dunno, maybe this is someone who totally belongs in the commentariate and we're just overly cautious about how much jaichbin seem to be salivating over the shameful prospect that Schock is really a "bottom" and "wants it put to him" -- what do you guys think? Is jaichbin One Of Us, or is his interest in Schock's possible gayness more of a kind with Bryan Fischer, the fundamentalist who just can't stop thinking about gays doing it in the butt? Convince us that jaichbin isn't the latter, and we might just let him join in our reindeer games.

From Sammy_95, some thoughts on the great pro-life Patriot Todd Kincannon, who wants to solve the Ebola crisis by killing everyone diagnosed with the disease, plus burning down their villages with napalm (Dallas not included, maybe?). Sammy_95 thinks we just don't recognize how dangerous Ebola is, because science:

are you guys insane!?!?! why would you guys risk millions of lives for a few africans dying!?!?! i agree with this guy! i would do the same and exterminate all ebola patients and end it once in for all! why should we risk half of the world dying!? this thing can become airborne and if that happens, it will be a disaster and perhaps too late. it's their fault anyways. i mean, who eats bats and monkeys!? like wtf. why should half of the world be at risk for something they did?

Africans are gross and weird and eat weird stuff! Kill 'em all, just to be sure! That is the sane position.

And finally, from "CarpeVeritatum" -- Latin for "Seize the True Tater" -- we have this thoughtful discussion of how Ben Carson is absolutely right in his critique of the AP US History curriculum. Never mind that we were calling Dr. Ben Carson A Idiot -- SeizeTheSpud happens to know that Carson is right, and appears to think that we were endorsing Carson, not mocking him:

Thank you for bringing this to your readers attention. I just finished upper division college courses and was shocked at the hate against this country that some of the professors were trying to get us students to swallow, all the while getting a government paycheck for it! One professor had strategically edited so much history and became so hate filled against this country that he even started cussing! Wow! I had to report him to the Dean for all the good that did! Yes, I agree, that something needs to be done about the indoctrination of students, thank goodness I am older and can see through it but for those poor kids to think they are getting an education when in fact they are not, well I for one am mad that college costs so much yet I have to unlearn everything, because it has become a biased ground for brainwashing and no real skills are taught. Shame on the public school system guys, take heart, listen to more Ben Carson, the voice of reason and truth and maybe you can save up to go to a real college like Hillsdale or something!

Cussing! Just imagine! Then again, maybe that last bit about Hillsdale, the "conservative Harvard," as a "real college" is a hint that this is all a Poe? As always, your guess is as good as ours.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. Ravelry.com – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend, Ravelry.com's founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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One day, God willing, my grandchildren will click open their history textbooks and read about the Central American migrant internment camps. They'll learn about sick kids, locked in cages, kept hungry and dirty and cold for weeks on end, and they'll be horrified.

"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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