Deleted Comments Of The Week: Authentic Frontier ALL-CAPS Gibberish

Scootaloo has just about had it with your bullshit

It was a fine week for deleted comments, and our story on Elizabeth Warren's brilliant Twitter takedown of Donald Trump continued to elicit some prime quality derp. We were particularly taken with this single-paragraph rant from "sweetpoet," who is neither poetic nor particularly sweet. Though perhaps the personal salutation was meant to be endearing:

Doktor, it's this simple. HOW DARE TRUMP WANT TO ACTUALLY ENFORCE THE LAW!!!!! The border laws! And propose a wall, for border security! The border is supposed to be open. Not protected, blocked, and for illegal undocumented people to be prevented from coming in!! and the actual immigration and border laws actually enforced! He's a racist! That's the lib-tard lying goofball hysterical overblown idiotic politically correct dishonest failed stupid line and lie since June 16 2015. And Lizzy Warren, the NON-Native American woman, who lied in college to get special "minority status", with her BS, who really doesn't even like Hillary Clinton much (as Lizzy's past remarks about Hillary show), wants to dump on Trump with the old stupid dishonest distortions and canards. Trump is NOT against immigration. He's against (catch this carefully, people) ONLY ILLEGAL BORDER-CROSSERS. Not "immigration" in general. As the goofball media has wrongly sloppily dishonestly spun it. With asking his wife "you're an immigrant...what do you think of your husband's stance on immigration?" Sighs.... And Melania pwning the interviewer (Mika Brzezinski) with the answer "but I followed the law". Owned.....KNOCK-OUT PUNCH. Duhhh... Trump is not (and never said he was) against immigration in general. Just ILLEGAL BORDER-CROSSERS. Which is something that theoretically ALL people should be against!!! (But of course, many lefty liars are just not......they know that anchor-babies etc tend to vote it helps build a VOTING BLOCK for the left. If the majority of aliens voted Republican though, I guarantee you that Chuck Schumer would be on the border with the Minute Men HELPING THEM STOP ILLEGALS FROM COMING IN. Politics...) But Trump is simply against illegal border-crossers and illegal aliens. Not "immigration" per se. And he did NOT say "all Mexicans are rapists" as that disgusting moron Whoopie Goldberg keeps lying and saying...but said SOME ILLEGAL BORDER CROSSERS HAVE BEEN. And facts show that some have been. But not "Mexicans" in general. And definitely not all Spanish-speakers. But SOME illegal border-crossers and invaders. That's it. But don't count on the lying lefty lunatic media and pundits and goofballs to tell all the truth on Trumpo's position. And as far as being against new Muslim non-citizens coming in.....well ask Swedish female rape victims, (violated by Muslim immigrants there), about that one.... Libbies don't really care about women......just care about protecting and preserving their stupid narratives, hobby-horses, and story lines.

Bravo. You've got a bit of everything in there: all-caps screaming, the "fake Indian" charge against Elizabeth Warren, the assumption that Democrats somehow get votes from illegal aliens, and even a straw man in a sombrero: sure, Trump never said all Mexicans were racists. He even generously admitted that some, he assumed, are good people. On the other hand, he did propagate the even crazier notion that the Mexican government is sending rapists and murderers across the border, a nutty claim the Trump campaign continues to cling to. (In mere reality, that was the Cubans!)

As for whether Donald Trump is a racist, let's just say there are some pretty good reasons he's not so popular with The Blacks. Also, if you want to enjoy some extended copypasted proof that "Darwinism" is simply not scientific, check out sweetpoet's Disqus history, where you'll also learn that "Roman Catholics are NOT real Biblical Christians," but that Catholicism is instead "A PAGAN WARPED DEVILISH DECEPTIVE INSTITUTION, AND NOT TRUE BIBLICAL CHRISTIANITY." Bet you never saw that coming.

Our story on Loretta Lynch kicking North Carolina's ass was very upsetting to "Susan Baumgaertner Fentz," who had a whole lot of old-school rightwing Derp to share with us. It may help if you read her comments as blank verse:

  • You're fooling yourself if you think Loretta Lynch or Barry Soetoro, oops, Barack Obama gives a rat's a$$ about the LGBT community. Let's remember that in 2008. BO was against gay marriage. He only sides with LGBT because he thinks it annoys the right-wing, conservative community -- and he's right.

    I notice a lot of Leftists refer to our country as a "Democracy" when it really is a Republic. If the USA was a true democracy, the LGBT community would have about 3% of the vote. A true Democracy would not change it's laws for 3% of it's citizens.

    So thank those Founding Fathers who you all wrongly call rapists and racists for making America a Republic.

    And trust me, Barry Soetoro who started using his father's name (Barack Obama) so he could play the race card did not "evolve". He still does not believe in gay marriage.

    I suggest you read both autobiographies he wrote before he became president.

    Maybe you want to wait. I'm sure he will be writing another one or two or three.

    Do you think he's a narcissist? No! It's normal to write at least three autobiographies.

  • Do you really feel comfortable having the government tell you where you can or cannot pee?


    I guess so considering you're ok with them thinking we're too stupid to choose our own light bulbs, toilets, cars, car insurance, HEALTH insurance,


    The list goes on and on.


    When I was in High School, I always thought the liberals were the cool ones.

    I've learned that liberals like having (literally) millions of regulations (those are rules in case you don't know). They like having their government tell them ho to do everything.

    You'd think you'd be tired of that since most of you still live at home with your parents.

    At least now you have health insurance until you're almost 30.

  • The GOP is dead. But be aware, the Tea Party is alive and well...and voting for Donald Trump. The GOP consists of the establishment members, the ones you know of.

Again, it's a beautiful smorgasbord, with the birtherism, the Republic-not-a-democracy, the "Barack Obama has fooled you sheeple!" and the erudite explanation that "regulations" is a big word meaning rules. Thank goodness the state of North Carolina has passed a law telling people where they can pee, so the government isn't telling people where they can pee.

"MarieIsabelle Tung" had Thoughts on the matter, too; several of her comments are replies to other readers, which is surprising considering that Wonkette doesn't even allow comments:

  • I cannot believe that Ms Lynch would compare this law to segregation. Can you just imagine one of our children going to the bathroom and there is a man who is all man except for his genitals. How do you think that they will react? And also, I would like to know what they did with the transgender people from before. Title 7 is about job discrimination and 9 is more with sex
  • because he is thinking on the little kids going to the bathroom with either a man or a woman


    how would your child take it?

  • I am 63 and when I was in Japan in one of the temples we went to we had to go thru the men's bathroom to get to the women's and I felt extremely uncomfortable. How do you think a 10 year old girl will feel in a bathroom with a man?
  • why don't you leave politics at home and talk about the bathroom
  • why cannot they make one bathroom for transgender men and one for transgender women?
  • this is not about politics little girl
  • [In reply to someone pointing out that until the Christian right suddenly seized on this issue, no regulation of trans* people in toilets existed] That is because the older generation knew that they should not use a different sex toilet.

Hey! Yr Dok Zoom has something in common with a deleted commenter! We, too, lived in Japan, and it was a little jarring to be using the train station urinal when the nice cleaning lady came in and started mopping without a second thought. And then, you know what happened? We got used to it!

Also, we'd love to leave politics at home and just talk about the toilet. But this is Wonkette, where politics and toilets are inextricably linked, after all.

That image is very disturbing. I wish you'd have chosen something else. I realize that it's a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it's too much.

Our piece on former Arizona governor Jan Brewer's ringing endorsement of male supremacy ("this woman thing has gotten way out of control") must have made it to some rightwing website, because we had a fine slew of wingnut comments on it. "Mtpage" wanted all us sheeple to wake up and smell the Trumpenis:

Ok,,,While you all distract yourselves with who has a "ding-dong" and "dungeons of severed heads", Trump is continually "shlonging" all these biased news outlets and biased political commentators. Time to come out of your safe spaces and face facts

"Joe gideon" crawled out of Rocky Raccoon's hotel room to compare us unfavorably to a quote that no doubt struck him as pretty fresh:

Newton Minow called television "a vast wasteland"; imagine what he would call this den of iniquity and its dull-witted denizens

Dude, when we call ourselves an ugly vile little snark mob, you're going to have to up your insult game to even get noticed. Also, since you mention ol Newt Minow, did you know that Sherwood Schwartz named the shipwrecked charter boat on Gilligan's Island the "SS Minnow" as a snotty reply? But if Newton Minow visited Yr Wonkette, we'd like to think he'd be briefly appalled by our coarseness, then would click a link to TV Tropes and be lost down the rabbit hole forever.

And then there was "D.A.R. Member," who treated us to a fine, all-American wag of the finger:

Thank God for People like Jan Brewer . She is tough as nails .. All of you Haters can sit and spin ,.. your nothing but a bunch of bedwettin commies

Several commenters were moved to nostalgia by that '70s epithet "sit and spin," which really put us in our place. D.A.R. Member's Disqus history is a thing of great beauty; elsewhere on the interwebs, she has informed the world that "LaVoy Finicum was Murdered by corrupt politicians within our government who planned the Ambush and assassination in a cell phone dead zone," and warned of the "DEMOCRATS AND MUSLIMBROTHERHOOD UNHOLY BOND AGAINST CHRISTIANS AND JEWS," complete with a YouTube link, should you find yourself wanting to kill brain cells for 25 minutes.

Finally, the same post brought a crapload of comments from a genuine trolly ol' troll "Bill F Smoothma," who managed to post roughly 20 or 30 comments before he was banhammered into nothingness. Most of it was idiotic insults, plus the usual rightwing tropes about liberals setting up Planned Parenthood to do genocide to black babies, and of course the highly original suggestion that all liberals are in league with al Qaeda and ISIS, never mind that the two aren't even allied with each other.

Bill Effin' Smoothma also had a number of very angry denunciations of "commy big government globalist Uniparty terrorist supporter[s]" and endless praise for "Liberty" which corrects all things, especially the free market (not to be confused with capitalism or socialism)." Sadly, we didn't let him stay long enough to explain how the free market is different from capitalism, so take your own guess. He plaintively cried, "America first. Please feed American homeless children," yet also accused anyone who thinks government might have a meaningful role beyond national defense and keeping illegal aliens out as "government drunk."

Ah, but in his defense, Bill F Smoothma did include a link to this extremely weirdass video, which is apparently a big hit with your fans of conspiracy theories and the like, for which we thank him. All the answers are here, if you choose to read through the nine million blogs explaining its Deep Symbolism. He posted it at the end of a long, long comment which closed, "I think the problems we face in America are related to the size of government. Go Trump! Let the shilling commence!" Prepare to have your MIND BLOWN, SHEEPLE!

We think that clears things up a lot. Also, we have good news! That gum you like is going to come back in style. Too bad it's full of mind-control drugs, not to mention lizard people HAARP weather control rothschilds trilateral commission 666 Illuminati chemtrails COINTELPRO MKUltra Jade Helm 15 john galt Ovaltine. Keep watching the skies.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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