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We've got a little of everything in the ol' sludgepile this week, so let's get right to it. Actually, make that "a little bit of everything, and it's all BAD." Our Leadoff Derp today is a reply to our top story of the week on Michelle Obama and her Flawless Rhetorical Victory over grabby, grabby Trumpman. Not everyone loved that post, for some reason! Someone with the enimgatic username "dgh69" did not care for Michelle Obama's complete failure to recognize that Beyonce has sung things with words that are far more offensive than the things Donald Trump has actually bragged about doing, which was a real thing on the right last week. Quoth "dgh69":

She does not want her childrens tender ears to hear what Trump says. I don't hear the indigent bitch saying anything about rap music which has the most vile disgusting lyrics you will ever hear...of course it is done by her people so that makes it QK!!!!

The minute any rapper wins a major party's nomination, we'll be sure to bring that up. Because popular music is exactly the same as a presidential candidate talking about how much he likes to get handsy with women and get away with it because he's famous.

"Jill Cares-Newsome" combined the Beyonce outrage with the video that allegedly showed Barack Obama displaying his O-BAMMER to a bunch of reporters, for a veritable frothy ragegasm, because once again, no equivalency has ever been false:

Ok I've had it now! She has some damn nerve! That's rich coming from the woman whose husband stood on a plane and flaunted his erection in front of a planeload of female reporters as they giggled and took video and snapped pictures as fast as they could while he posed with one leg up on a seat so they could get a better view.

Wasn't it Michelle Obama who once said of Hillary Clinton "if you can't keep your own house in order you sure can't keep the White House in order?" Oh yes it was! Try again Michelle. And one step further... You're a hypocrite to say that his words bother you when you listen to and call Beyonce a role model to young women...These words prove my point... A few of Beyonces lyrics...

Woo! You will never need another lover

Woo! Cause you a milf and I'm a motherfucker

Told you give the drummer some, now the drummer cummin'

I'm pa rum pa pum pumin' all on your stomach

Yeah, tonight I see some super freaky hoes

That could go from bein' stripper to a super C.E.O

I don't know the way you do it, but you do it to me though

And you always told your girlfriends you need you a TV show

Now you got your own money, you don't need nobody else

But far as handlin' all that ass, I think you gon' need some help

Let me remind you, you got a, you got a great future behind you

You gotta tell me what we tryna do

I ain't no pastor, don't do missionary

I know good pussy when I see it, I'm a visionary

I know them haters talkin', always had us very wary

Yup! On the 35th of Nevuary

Yup! You love the way I'm turnt

After all the money you earned, still show daddy what you learned

That cowgirl, you reverse that cowgirl

You reverse, you reverse, and I impregnated your mouth, girl, ooooh

That's when I knew you could be my spouse, girl

We fuckin' all over the house, girl, we just messed up a brand new couch, girl

You ain't on site then you on Skype

I put you on that bike, you bound, girl

We too wild, won't turn down

We drunk in love, fuck them...

NOPE sorry cupcake! I don't buy that you are offended.... NOPE!

Heaven knows, songs about consensual sex are every bit as bad as a presidential candidate who brags about groping women. WHY ARE YOU LIBERALS SO BLIND TO THIS PERFECTLY OBVIOUS POINT? We can only assume that somewhere in "Jill Cares-Newsome's" mind, the whole controversy is about the word "pussy," not the rapey-molesty-uninvited-grabbing thing. Let's clarify: It would still be every bit as offensive if Trump had said that when you're a celebrity, you can "grasp women by the pudenda" without their permission and they'll let you. Really! ("Pudenda" is a word we learned while reading Peter Benchley's Jaws in eighth grade, by the way. Reading expands your horizons.)

Our favorite angry note about Michelle Obama's terrible, terrible, unfair speech about Mr. Trump came from someone whose username is -- we swear we are not making this up -- "Tiffany Topping." Not only is it reminiscent of "Tiffany Aching," lead character of some of Terry Pratchett's finest work, it would also be a great name for a My Little Pony character who works at a bakery or ice cream parlor, no? And Ms. Topping's comment is one of the purest expressions of inchoate, misspelled, CAPSLOCK ABUSING rage and illogic we've seen in a while. Enjoy!

At 18 minutes Micheal becomes the hyprocritical politician I have come to expect from all politicians. By staying with Bill; Hillary is doing the same thing Micheal claims anyone who votes for TRUMP is doing. Validating intimidation, bullying and BIGGOTRY! HYPROCROCY IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST PET PEAVES!!!!!

I'm voting JILL STEIN. She may not win, but at least I know I voted for someone who truly cares for every single American. Including BILLS VICTIMS that Hillary threatened and intimidated in order to protect her political climb to the top!!!!!

Jill has never been investigated or even alledged of reality fraud or working with the enemy, as Hillary has.

Yup, I'm voting for Jill Stein, and when this country falls to shit, as it's bound to with Hillary as president, I will sleep with a clean concious knowing I didn't vote for her.

Add Hillary to this nation's all ready piss poor financial and economic CRISIS, not to mention our ever failing foreign relations and policies that continually sell America DOWN RIVER and we are fucked for sure.

FACT.

There's just so much here, starting with the misspelling of "Michelle," which we'll assume is deliberate, a reference to the well-known Science Fact that the First Lady is not-very-secretly a dude. There's the dubious "I'm voting for Jill Stein" claim from someone who sounds like a regular at Breitbart. Sadly, Tiff Topp's comment history is private, so there's no way to check. (NO, THAT IS NOT A CHALLENGE TO DOXX HER, and Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator will be quite cross with anyone who does.) There's the glorious madness of "HYPROCROCY IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST PET PEAVES!!!!!" There's the unintentional racism of accusing a black woman of "selling America down river" (no way does Toffee Tipper know the origins of that phrase). And best of all, there's the dubious assertion that Jill Stein has never been investigated or even alleged of "reality fraud," which might be true -- she doesn't dabble in reality fraud herself, but she's simply very friendly to folks who've chosen to have a non-monogamous relationship with reality. Definite candidate for inclusion in Deleted Comments of the Year (if we do it), even if the headline-winning key phrase isn't quite as ready for a coffee mug as "You are the opitomy of a dumb ass."

FACT.

Not content with filthying up our comments, some dear readers took to our Editrix's email inbox as well, like this nice man, Rick Compton:

Battle axe Obama has no room to talk when it comes to respect. M.O. won't even place her right hand over her heart, while the National anthem is played. She constantly cuts down the country. She gives commencement speeches that can't leave out the down trodden blacks. That woman is a poor excuse for a First Lady. Here she is rolling in dough and instead of telling the blacks that if they aspired for better things, they should strive for it. Michele, until you start acting like a First Lady and treat America with respect and stop the race baiting, keep your trap shut!

#MakeAmericaGreatAgain, or whatever.

In Old Business, we got a BREAKING COMMENT last week on our months-old Wonksplainer about why Hillary Clinton won't be going to email jail, ever, from "UpYourHorse," who we guess is either not a brony or is a big fan of that one insane statue of Nathan Bedford Forrest.

My spouse worked in mid-East intelligence for 16 years. he still can't and won't speak about the classified info that came across his desk, because doing so is against federal law (he had a top secret clearance.) By all rights, Hellary should have gone to federal prison for mishandling classified data.

Well, we'll have you know that a close friend of ours, a former Navy SEAL who now works for the NSA when not tinkering with her cold-fusion-powered time machine and perfecting her disproof of the Theory of Relativity, just happens to know your spouse is full of shit.

And finally, a couple of real puzzlers, actual emails to Yr Editrix, which demand that she please, please, please release the senders from the hell of automatic monthly payments to the Donald Trump Campaign:

  • Rebecca I am very disappointed in the terrible campaign contribution website . I am a staunch Trump supporter and have given over $800.00 to Mr Trump I signed up to provide a reoccurring $100.00 monthly contribution and to my horror I reviewed my bank account this morning and find that your campaign has helped them self to $300.00 in the last 5 days . I want this refunded and stopped immediately. I am very disappointed.
  • Rebecca, I sent a single donation to trump on October 3rd . The money was taken from my account on that date. Now I checked my bank account and on Oct. 7 there was another donation to Trump taken out of my account in the same amount. I am worried that they are going to take out more plus I want my second 100 dollars back. I don't believe I set up weekly donations and four days wouldn't be weekly anyway. Please check my account and cancel and future donations from me. Also send my 100 dollars back to my debt card.

We quickly realized these were from upset Trump supporters who must have searched "stop automatic donations to Trump" and come across our article about that phenomenon, which is a very scummy practice indeed -- and that they hadn't actually read very carefully. You see, we cleverly followed our discussion of how the Trump campaign screws people with a reminder that when you set up a recurring donation or ad-lite subscription to Wonkette, we will cancel it if you ask. Sadly, all these poor mooks saw was the line "if you should decide for any reason you want to change or cancel your subscription, you need only send an email to Yr Editrix…" and ignored everything else. Now the poor dears are good and pissed that we won't cancel their auto-payments to Donald Trump, which we really do refuse to do, since we are not affiliated with the Trump campaign. We don't even like the Trump campaign, not one bit! We've updated the original post with several notes directing people to the unsubscribe instructions figured out by the website Mic.com, which may work, who knows?

See? We are even servicey for rightwing doofuses who didn't read our article good. Damn, we impress us. You'd think the hed, "Want To Unsubscribe From Automated Donations To Trump Campaign? Too Freakin’ Bad!" would have tipped them off bigly. Then again, bless their hearts, they are also people who thought that Donald Trump would make Mexico pay for a wall and make factory and coal jobs reappear out of his ass.

Also, if you have reached THIS article after searching "unsubscribe Trump donations" or suchlike, we'd recommend you try the steps here, and then consider the steps here now that you've come to your senses. You'll note that the second link has a really easy unsubscribe linky.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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