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Captain Kerk! I will be quik, mersssifull, misspelld and in ALL CAPS!


After a weekend off, Yr Dear ShitFerBrains is back and rarin' to go. Straight into the cesspit of the deleted comments queue. Our story on the San Antonio district attorney who wants to put all the vaccines in jail must have made it to some anti-vaxxer forum or listserv or mimeographed newsletter left under windshield wipers, because it generated more than the usual injection of "vaccines R evil, go do your research!" comments, including this brilliant rant from "ioneskye," who is definitely serious about every word of this. Whatever it means:

The Reptilian hybrid that wrote this horrific piece of gruel is a perfect example of the times we are living in. This "writer" and this "magazine" is the poster child for HATE, CRIMINAL behavior, IGNORANCE, UNCONSCIOUSNESS and EVIL. Yes, the wonkette and its followers are truly EVIL. Dark dark entities that have had the empathy gene spliced right out of their Limbic system including but not limited to the amygdalae and insular cortex. This is the saddest most heartbreaking commentary on sentient beings. Look around at how beings are treating others; Lakota Indians, Syrians, poor people, homeless people, animal cruelty, dumping toxic chemicals into the oceans.....the list is endless. We go on hurting each other.

We'll confess this is a first for us. We've been accused of a lot of things, but never before of being a magazine. We also had no idea that we'd been dumping toxic chemicals into the oceans or abusing the Lakota people, whose side we're pretty sure we're on, but then again, we want their kids to be vaccinated and not to get measles, so maybe? We are such Reptilian monsters. But why hybrids? Maybe the pure Reptilians can't type at all, which might explain a lot about Yr Dok Zoom. We go on hurting each other. Can't we stop hurting each other? Gotta stop hurting each other.

Ioneskye's Disqus history is a similar compendium of weird, all on vaccines, like so, from the Vaccine Truth blog:

Its the worst crime against humanity in human history. Some evil entities are doing this on purpose. This has nothing to do with money for the top tier "beings". If they even are beings, they/it may be a malevolent computer game. The lower thinkers(pediatricians, pcps, nurses, lab workers, etc. are just koolaid drinkers who have been brainwashed and dumbed down. Yesterday a friend advised me that the reason "they" are maiming babies and children and adults is because this way people are easier to control. Its a deep rabbit hole. God help us, if there is a god.

The scary thing? Ioneskye claims elsewhere to have "worked as a medical professional for twenty five years in a major childrens hospital watching children injured in numerous ways and even killed with biological toxoids." Fortunately, given their propensity for hyperbole and seeing reptilians and nonhumans among us, that may be every bit as much a fabrication as their medical knowledge of vaccines.

Our preview of the Great Big Bundy Bird Sanctuary Liberation Trial drew this indignant reply from "sassarooch," who doubts our qualifications to write about the pretrial legal maneuverings of a bunch of idiots, apparently because our mamas didn't let us grow up to be cowboys:

All you judgemental hacks commenting and joking about something you obviously know NOTHING about. How infantile and ignorant. No wonder America is so mocked. Uneducated, lazy fisters, who would never be able to work one of these men's normal day. The only workouts you skanks get are your jaws and your palms. Try growing up and reading something thoroughly. What an embarrassment!

Astonishingly, not a single other post in sassarooch's intriguing comment history has anything to do with sovereign citizen legal thought or the noble profession of cowboying; there's a bunch of griping about Islam taking over, and an obsessive interest in the mysterious killings of a bunch of wild peafowl on the Palos Verdes peninsula near Los Angeles. But nobody seems interested in his theory of the case (We bet it's federal agents).

We also heard from the usual contingent of Hillary Health Truthers in response to several articles, including some seriously late comments from "Daniel Burke" on our first piece about the foofaraw:

  • You can deny it all you like - the only nuts here are the left wing nuts. She is very ill.

  • [Donald Trump] is sane and runs successful businesses. But don't let that get in the way of your lack of brains.

  • That's right - call anyone who disagrees with you a Nazi. Get out of here.

  • I don't need to be a doctor to diagnose a heart attack, seizure, or other obvious ailment. Leftie.

  • So that's why even the MSM are reporting it?

  • Calling people stupid isn't an argument and makes you look stupid.

It's reassuring to know heart attacks and seizures look exactly the same, and can be diagnosed by someone watching TV. You see, they both look precisely like a bad allergic cough, followed by an upper respiratory infection and then pneumonia.

"A H V" was another Hillary Healther, who caught us totally covering up Hillary's obvious Parkinson's Cancer Brain Tumor Death Spiral:

It's getting harder and harder to try for parody without the pretend grin turning into a rubbery frozen rictus, and without straining your meager talents and falling flat on your collectivist faces, eh Wonkettes?

As it is, your "satire" is in and of itself now paralleling the ridiculous Minitru so-called "mainstream" media, which have become a gross parody of themselves

I eagerly await the frantic, inevitable deletion of this comment and the subsequent banning of this Disqus account. Ya silly fuckwads.

Welp, "A H V" was half-right about one thing at least. We banned the account, because we're fairly choosy about who we invite into our Burkean parlor, but we left the comment itself up, because it was good for a few collectivist laughs.

Medical and media expert "Michael Brenner" took issue with our story claiming that Hillary Clinton held a "press conference," apparently because she refused to answer any questions about Benghazi. Not that anyone asked her any questions about Benghazi:

lol...that was not a press conference. And umm..Hillary, really? You wouldn't comment on any press conference you had? You are right on that -- you are so busy refusing to admit you never got briefed on Benghazi being a terrorist attack you refuse to comment on it. Everything else you hang out on your email when any amateur hacker in the world could get it. Nothing like exposing our spies to our enemies so they get knocked off, is there?

In subsequent posts on other sites, Michael Brenner has proven that Clinton didn't actually have pneumonia, because the lamestream media reported she had pneumonia, and if that isn't proof her doctor is lying, then how gullible are you?

Our piece on Hillary Clinton's body double (duh, it's MLP's Ms. Harshwhinny, as drawn by Pixelkitties) was not appreciated by "Kevin Goodman," who suspects Hillary is already in the cold, cold ground:

Hillary is as healthy as a horse on tranquilizers. She was probably just dancing while waiting for the van. You can hear her singing "Free Fallin", by Tom Petty, on her way down. Who is the next weekend at Bernie's candidate the Dems' have, horny Uncle Joe or pervie Uncle Kaine?

Our "Commenters of Few Words, A Sixth of Which are Misspelled" award this week goes to "StabbinCabbin," who took exception to our story about Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin's prophecy that Hillary Clinton's election would KILL US ALL:

Evan Hurst you are a bafoon

Bravoo, sir or madman, bravoo.

And finally, our favorite variation on the "Dems Did Slavery And Nothing Changed After 1964" theme this week, yet another reader who's discovered that Robert Byrd was once in the KKK, but missed the news that he spent the latter decades of his career renouncing the KKK and apologizing for having ever associated with it. This is a twofer from history scholar "robert distasio," who was very upset by our suggestion that radio idiot Michael Savage might be a tad racist. First off, it seems we didn't extend radio idiot Michael Savage the respect he deserves:

It is doctor Michael savage PhD, to you fools. He is not a racist. Listen to his radio show and decide for yourself. This article is pure drivel.

Ahem. First off, we're not sure you want to go touting Savage's academic qualifications, seeing as how "He obtained a PhD in 1978 from the University of California, Berkeley, in nutritional ethnomedicine. His thesis was titled Nutritional Ethnomedicine in Fiji." For godssakes, they'll let people write dissertations on damn near any fool topic. But the real question is why wingnuts think a PhD -- in anything -- is an impressive credential when it belongs to a fellow wingnut, but absolutely worthless -- and indeed, proof of dangerous liberal elitism -- when a bunch of people with PhDs in atmospheric science insist global warming is real?

But enough of that; let's move on to "robert distasio's" amazing discovery about who America's real racists are:

Start by asking hillary Clinton. Her professed mentor is Robert c Byrd the grand dragon of the kkk. By the way, the kkk was created by Democrats, just like segregation. Oh you didn't know Jim Crowe was a Democrat? How about George Wallace. Or FDR with his internment camps. Or Carter expelling all Iranians including students. Wake up, racist

You know that guy Jim Crowe who passed all those segregation laws? Totally a Democrat. Just check out his voter ID.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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