Why do my hit squads only go after low-level people instead of my biggest enemies? I'll never tell.


Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator is no stranger to sockpuppet accounts; we all know and are very tired of Turgid Love-Muscle Guy, who shows up a couple times a month, always with a new name, copy-pastes the same stuff about buttsex he's been posting since well before the first time we noticed him in 2015, and gets banhammered to smithereens. Today, we'd like to highlight the dubious accomplishments of some idiot who managed to infest the comments thread on a single post with no fewer than six different Disqus identities. We're pretty sure that's some kind of Wonkette record -- sure, TLM guy has gone through far more disposable accounts over the years, but as far as we can tell, we've never had one idiot pretend to be six idiots in a single thread before. Not that we're really laying down a challenge, please.

The Multi-Moron dropped by our story on the revival of the conspiracy-theory circus surrounding last July's murder of Seth Rich, a DNC staffer shot in Washington DC, and who -- because he worked at the DNC and died 12 days before the first of the Wikileaks document dumps -- has been seized on by wingnuts as the obvious source of all the leaks, and was just as obviously murdered by Hillary Clinton's death squads. (For a good overview of the story, see this Washington City Paper piece from December.)

The revival of the story, (with fictitious "evidence" that was debunked within hours), brought out the loons. Or loon, really. One guy masqueraded as six separate commenters for the sake of arguing with all the foolish liberals at Wonkette who don't even care that a liberal just like them got murdered! Now, most users with multiple identities at least bother using a VPN or other toy to hide their computer's IP address; it's why TLM guy keeps coming back even though we ban his IP address. Spoof the IP address, and Disqus welcomes your new account with open arms. But this dip just created six accounts that all proudly carried the same address, somewhere in New Jersey (we didn't try to find out if he weighs 400 pounds or was sitting on his bed). He was "SgtSlaughter17" and "Theodore Willoughby" and "Scott Gierda" AND "Christopher Spader" AND "Sean Geissler" AND "TB," although that very last identity only posted a single comment. And wouldn't you know it, this all happened on a Tuesday when the news exploded all over us, so I was slow on checking the flagged comments -- he'd posted well over 2,000 words under his multiple guises before he gave up and left.

We won't bother tracking which comments went with which identity, since they all sounded the same anyway, and we should note that the story did garner one (1) conspiracy-leaning comment from one (1) person, "Ryan Rji Rji," who had a different IP address, whose detective work on the non-case really could have stood in for almost everything the other guy said again and again:

They solved the murder??? Who is the proven killer? Oh wait, a year later and still no leads or suspects. Well, nothing to see here, let's just ignore it and let it go cold. It's definitely not political! Stop asking questions!

Yep, if a person who worked for a political party is murdered, then obviously it's part of a plot, not a tragic crime. Maybe the internet can solve it, just like all the other cases it's cracked, like, uh.... Pizzagate?

In any case, let's take a look at how our brave multi-Tool tried to troll us. There was the "Thank god a libreral died" gambit:

  • Hahaha, a dead DNC staffer. Funny. Like Ron Brown. hahahaha. Deceased.
  • Meh, it's just another dead democrat. No love lost here. I hope the killer tags a few more DC locals while he's at it.
  • I think it's funny, the more dead liberals, the better. Chalk up another win. Hopefully the killer scores a few more.
  • This makes me hornier than an unsolved murder of a liberal

He also tried variations on "Don't you stupid liberals care that one of your own was killed? Doesn't that fill you with rage? You must be a sociopath if Seth Rich's murder leaves you unmoved!"

  • Man, this country is f'd. It's to the point where liberals don't even care about murder anymore. Even when it's a fellow lib that gets killed.
  • Man you people are weird on this site. Someone is dead, there's a killer roaming free, there's no leads in the case....do you care? No. Is it that white lives don't matter?
  • Bizarre attitude you have considering someone is dead. You're a sociopath.
  • Congrats to democrats for letting their people get killed and doing nothing about it at all
  • [Reply to someone who called him a rightwing troll:] Can always count on libs for some raw hate. Look how much they hated Seth Rich. Don't even want the murder solved. Disturbingly sociopathic.

He tried to suggest we simply don't care about a killer running free -- a strange tactic for someone who was so looking forward to more liberals dying:

  • Yup, chalk it up as a botched robbery and let it be. Doesn't matter if a few more people get killed by the same loose killer. Who cares it's just DC locals dying anyway
  • Just rubber stamp "Botched Robbery - No Suspects" on every murder. Man being a DC cop is an easy gig. Remind me to stay the hell out of that town.
  • Does it bother anyone that there is a potential serial killer roaming the streets of the nation's capital executing people?
  • [Reply to someone who asked where he came up with this "serial killer" nonsense:] Um, killers tend to kill people. Usually if you can kill one, you're capable of killing multiple. Usually it's considered a public safety risk to allow murders to go unsolved.

And of course, the DC Police are either lazy, corrupt, or actively covering up, because since when has anyone been killed by a would-be mugger who fled before taking the victim's wallet or watch? That is simply UNPOSSIBLE, possibly because in multi-bore's mind, all robberies are always successful and no one with a gun ever shoots someone then panics:

  • There isn't any evidence it was a robbery, at all. He was beaten and shot in the back and nothing was taken from him. That is not evidence of a robbery. That's evidence of a premeditated murder and that he was targeted.
  • In a mugging, things are stolen, you don't leave expensive watches, cell phones, wallets, etc. Nothing was taken. That isn't a mugging, that's a murder.

At one point, when he unveiled a new identity, he pretended to be a very civic-minded person appealing to all of us Democrats, just like he is:

DC police are doing a horrible job protecting the nation's capital from assassins. I think it's time we all joined together in calling for an independant special prosecutor to have a fresh look at this case. The family of this dedicated Democrat deserves closure.

The pose sort of fell apart when he started making funny jokes about "independent prostitutes" and " an "independent special space vagina." Four times.

The many-faced troll insisted Wonkete readers who didn't dispute the botched robbery story were, obviously, big ol' racists:

  • Right pal, some black guy just shot him for no reason. Blame the local minority population and call it a day.
  • Man you really are that dumb huh? Wow. No wonder there's no leads. Probably a bunch of morons like you looking for 'some black guy' because it was 'probably just a robbery'.
  • Do the statistics in that neighborhood also suggest it was a black guy?

He conflated Seth Rich with Shawn Lucas, a lawyer who died in Washington last summer, whose cause of death was determined to be a drug overdose (how convenient!!!!):

He had just served the DNC with a lawsuit, glibly recorded himself doing it, and put it on youtube. He was upset about Bernie Sanders. Those are known facts. Other known facts include John Podesta saying that 'an example needed to be made of leakers.'

If he was in fact the leaker, which he may have been, since he had access to the computer systems and was sore about Bernie, it's possible they, in accordance with John Podesta's words 'made an example' out of him.

I'm not sure why this seems so out of the question to you.

It's certainly more feasible than the "Some black guy robbed him but didn't steal anything" theory.

Which of course only makes sense, given that John Podesta is part of Hillary's pizzagate sex murder death cult. Sigh. But when somebody called him on the confusion, our intrepid troll had an easy answer:

  • Hard to keep all these dead kids connected to the DNC straight isn't it?
  • Yes I mixed Seth Rich up with Shawn Lucas, the other dead guy. It was Shawn Lucas that served the DNC. Seth Rich leaked to wikileaks. That's why each of them are dead.
  • They killed Shawn Lucas too?? Nah no pattern here at all!
  • Oh lol I'm sorry, I mixed Seth up with Shawn Lucas, ANOTHER DEAD GUY that crossed the DNC and the Clintons.

And then there were the truly gross ones, where he insisted he only wants Seth Rich's murder solved for the sake of Rich's poor, poor family, and what kind of monsters are we that we don't care about his poor mother, who might be the murderer's next victim? The Riches live in Nebraska, but you know, the political assassin OR street criminal could be stalking her right now, and you terrible liberals don't even care about a grieving mother who Hillary is plotting to kill?

  • Hey Trump will be alright. It's not like someone killed his child and there's zero arrests, leads, witnesses, or evidence in the case. That must suck.
  • I wonder if she's worried that he might come for her next. It must be unnerving to know someone who killed your child is still free
  • [reply to "go fuck yourself" gif] Yes perfect, tell Seth Rich's mom that too.

    Womp womp. No justice for you. Womp.

  • [Reply to "Run along, dear"] Tell it to Seth Rich's mother
  • Wonker: As if you give a shit about his family. You're exploiting his murder for attention and politics. Spare us your phony concern."Christopher": Nobody gives a s**t about his family let's be real.
  • That's fine, they're still laughing in the wake of Seth Rich's death. They've done nothing for the family, they laugh as the murder goes cold. Keep laughing.
  • I'm expressing concern while you just give me s**t for caring. How about a gofundme for the family? Not in this case? No one likes the Rich family?
  • [Why don't you] express ANY degree of outrage about the fact that it's unsolved after nearly a year. I mean, do SOMETHING to help. Look for witnesses, offer a reward for info, wtf are you people good for?

Ah, but he finally explained exactly how much he cares about the Rich family, who had the bad taste to have a son who got murdered. When someone asked why conspiracy-obsessed jerks refuse to leave the Rich family alone, our Zero With Many Faces replied,

Protip: When your child works in politics, and is gunned down in Washington DC in an unsolved murder, it might turn into a political circus until the murder gets solved. Let's solve this case so they can have some closure.

Nice guy. Before he left, he had one last burning question:

Is this site run by an open socialist?

See? At least one of him wasn't completely clueless.

We also had some belated Hillary-hate from "Chuck," who replied to our story headlined "Hillary Clinton Bringing Out Men’s Scary, Spitty Rage Strokes Again, By Existing" with some scary, spitty rage strokes, in all-caps no less:

  • Bernie will win the presidency in 2020 - Hillary will hopefully be dead by then - she's certainly dead to me. SHE COST US THE PRESIDENCY AND HANDED IT TO DONALD TRUMP! What is wrong with you people - how can you not see this. Oh that's right - it's purely cause SHE'S A WOMAN - and that's it. Name ONE position of hers that was better than Bernie's - just one. What's that you can't - yeah I didn't think so.
  • It's sites like THIS ONE and people who cling to a HORRIBLY FLAWED CANDIDATE like Hillary that causes the division. She had her chance - TWICE - and lost to a black guy named Hussien and a con man named Donald. When will yall get it through your heads - PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE HILLARY CLINTON!
  • These people - this site - they are the sexist ones. They are ONLY standing up for Hillary the Horrible BECAUSE she is female. That is sexist. Congrats for outing yourselves as sexists Wonkettes! It should not MATTER if the person is male or female - all that should matter is - do they have superior ideas? This election - Bernie Sanders clearly had the superior ideas - and yet people on this site still supported the worst candidate I've ever seen in my lifetime in Hillary - why is that? Because THIS SITE is sexist. Thank god for Hillary's "firewall of black people" - her words, not mine - because if it wasn't for the fact that her husband played saxaphone on Arsenio 25 years ago - we would have had Bernie Sanders as president right now! THAT is what should be making these people mad - yet like their horrilbe Hillary - it seems that many of these people have LEARNED NOTHING!

Looks like the healing is going to take a little while. Most of us Bernie voters were able to shrug off the primary loss and support Clinton, but some folks... well, apparently they're just not as sexist as those of us who backed the party's nominee even if she wasn't our first choice. We feel all conflicted about how sexist we are, now. And I guess we're pretty racist, too, for hoodwinking all the simpleminded black people with Bill Clinton's one saxophone trick. If only we were as highly-evolved as "Chuck."

Finally, we heard from "Owen," in response -- sort of -- to our piece on how Ron Rosenstein Borked himself. "Owen" is a guy who, lol, loves to laugh out loud!

  • Is this The Huffington Post? Or one of those other predictable Crock O' Sht Liberal Internet Rags that nobody gives any credibility to. lol
  • The Wonky home of the resistance. That's a good one. lol You 10 or 11 followers just keep on donating. But you'll have to learn to live with the fact that Democrats won't be taken seriously by enough voters again for a long long long time. Probably Never. A Long Time. lol

"Owen's" comment history is simply a jolly festival of mirth, in fact:

At the very credible rightwing site CNSNews, on a story about North Korea:

The Crazy Fat Kid needs a good slap across his Ugly Zipperhead Puss. Is that Declaration of War enough for ya Ping Pong Yang? lol

At Rolling Stone (various articles):

    • Phony Baloney. Just another sad sack bitter loon, who can't handle Hillary's crushing defeat. lol
    • The only damage, is the brain damage coming from anyone stoned enough to pretend that Rolling Stone is a credible 'news source'. lol
    • 'Rolling Stone'. Now there's a credible news source. LOL
    • John Oliver. A typical four eyed Liberal Twirp Weasel if there ever was one. LOL
    • Poor Meryl clearly has mental health problems. lol

And we know it's a bit of a stretch to go back a whole year, but there's this quintessential "Owen" comment at ABC News:

LOL

Remember to keep your spirits up, Wonkers! Here's hoping next week has a bit more variety -- finding out that all those people in the Hillary MurderGate comments were just one guy got us feeling a little solipsistic. lol

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations, lol. Please click the "Donate" clicky to help us out, lol. You know what senator we miss? Connecticut's LOL Weicker, lol.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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