Donate

It's Classic Images Day at Wonkette


We need to get started on our pre-election substance intake (scotch, rye and half-price Halloween candy. Don't judge) so today's Dear ShitFerBrains will be brief-ish. Needless to say, the election is much on the minds of the Derpitariat, so let's put on our hip boots and wade right in.

From "Jonathan Craig," this angry reply to our Saturday story about several judicial decisions rolling back Republican attempts at voter intimidation and suppression. Mr. Craig apparently doesn't like democracy to have too much voting in it, because he watches Fox and really believes voter fraud is rampant:

Seems the anti American person who wrote this article doesn't care if illegal aliens, criminals or even dead people vote so long as they vote left. If these cases of voting leaned right this moron would probably be slamming the fraudulent process instead of fighting to uphold election fraud which to use his words throws democracy down the toilet.

Really, it's not that great a Dear ShitFerBrains submission, except for one tiny thing: in the time between he glanced at the article's first paragraph and the time he wrote his devastating takedown, he seems not to have noticed that what we'd actually written was that the courts had "thwarted Republican efforts to throw democracy down a well."

So. If he really doesn't know the difference between a toilet and a well, we can only conclude Jonathan Craig is either one of those dogs on the internet, or that we definitely do not ever want to visit his survivalist compound. Sadly, his Disqus history is remarkably sparse, with only four comments: the above brilliance, a post at Breitbart saying Hillary Clinton is more corrupt and immoral than Donald Trump, a post at CNBC explaining we don't need gun control, we need Muslim control, haw-haw, and of course the inevitable post at some gaming forum complaining that when he plays Pokemon Go, "I cant et any candy for my charmander." Considering where he drinks from, we're not surprised.

Our post on the hilarious MRA meme that'll win the election for Donald Trump drew this amusing photo response from one "Louis Marschalko," an alleged human with a Pepe the Frog picture for an avatar, who thinks this dumb thing might fool anyone into thinking they've voted with their cell phone:

Why, sure. That'll work.

Apparently this is a thing that existed on Twitter for a couple days last week, because some Trump supporters love ratfucking so much they believe people might be fooled into "voting" by sending a text message. Having texted "Hillary" to the number in the ads, the foolish low-information voter would supposedly stay home on election day, content they had "voted." Or they might not have, considering how badly-executed the scam was: when Mashable tried it, they immediately received a message from the mobile company the scammers tried to use, which was on top of the hoax and doing some due diligence:

The ad you saw was not approved by iVisionMobile OR Hillary For America in any way. To opt-in to the real HFA list, text HFA to 47246. Reply STOP to cancel.

So half a cheer for iVisionMobile, though it would have been better had the auto-reply actually said "NO, YOU DID NOT VOTE." And we'd like to introduce "Louis Marschalko" to "Jonathan Craig" so they could have a little chat about who's organizing attempts to send democracy down the toilet.

Our story on that one time when Hillary Clinton almost went to jail because she fired her travel agent drew about a bejillion comments from "justsomeguy," who got really tiresome really fast, because the only thing he wanted to talk about was the ONE ISSUE that will surely bring down the Clinton campaign: Hillary Clinton's approval of pederasty rings in Afghanistan:

The remnants of hillbillary's democrat party are all the types who're stereotypically predisposed to ignore epidemic homosexual child rape and heroin production. these are the facts. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/21/world/asia/us-soldiers-told-to-ignore-afghan-allies-abuse-of-boys.html

For what it's worth, the New York Times story linked in "justsomeguy's" comment is real, and we wrote about it and called it horrifying when it was published in 2015. It's a shocking, horrible story about the Pentagon's apparent willingness to overlook sexual abuse of boys by Afghan military commanders, for the sake of not alienating our allies -- and the story has fuck-all to do with Hillary Clinton, who, as Secretary of State, ran the State Department, not the military. Beyond his singleminded focus on this one topic, the other fun thing about "justsomeguy" was that he had a list of logical fallacies he found on the internet somewhere, and loved trotting out all the argumentam ad poopium and post hoc, ergo proctologist hawk he could find to prove everyone who replied to him was wrong. Which eventually got us to this lovely sentence:

i'm not using a fallacy wrong. you're using a fallacy wrong by using a fallacy.

We suppose that makes a certain sense -- there really is no right way to use a fallacy, huh? In any case, we would like to congratulate "justsomeguy," who appears to post about nothing else, for typing the word "pederasty" more times on Wonkette than anyone else in 2016. Not that it's a record to brag about.

And finally, in reply to our October story on Donald Trump doing all the groping, we heard from "Umina," who had Thoughts about who's credible, and why:

  • PLEEEEASSE! The Fascists are the Democrats - they actually believe scientists who disagree with their 1st grade global warming science should be jailed for their opinion. We all know that Progressives are Socialists, and some of you may know at Fascists Socialists were once called Nazi's, and that is the Democratic Party today.
  • The Democrats bring up sex all the time, as though they have the moral corner which everyone knows (except them) is insane. Feminism is dead, its just that no one has told the Feminists yet. Just look around you. I was shocked when I learned young guys could get laid for a Happy Meal. Today it doesn't even take that. I heard one young man bragging he scored for a bottle of water.
  • The Hillary plants are not going to bring down Trump. The bigger issue is what do we do to women who make false allegations. If we could stop that then when it did happen, everyone would take it seriously. It's Peter and the Wolf all over again.
  • Its very simple. Most of the people she will deal with are actually men. But I think Hillary's own appetites will be exposed, and that will be a huge issue. If Hillary were true to her alleged principles, she'd divorce Bill and create her own identity. There is no doubt she has played a major role in his sexual escapades, and his behavior is an issue because of that.
  • Apparently you haven't had many men in your life. Locker room talk is locker room talk - and the Hillary funded bimbos are ridiculous.
  • Stupid liberals, with their fake science and their loose morals and their trading sex for a bottle of water! Hillary's own appetites will be exposed, and no women have ever been groped, except by Bill Clinton, with Hillary's help. Also, Nazis. Hope those comments helped you all fill in your Wingnut Bingo cards this week! Frankly, it looks like even our trolls are getting bored with this nonsense. TRY HARDER.

    Doktor Zoom

    Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

    Donate

    How often would you like to donate?

    Select an amount (USD)

    Newsletter

    ©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc