Nothing but class and dignity, the kind that women should aspire to

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Our Royal Decree proclaiming that Ivanka Trump can just go fuck herself right in the ear generated a heck of a lot of traffic this week, becoming the top post of the week -- no doubt in part because people like Rosie O'Donnell and Sandra Bernhard retweeted it, squeeee! Needless to say, it also generated a great deal of derp, such as this triumphant LOL-filled message from "Soyouthinkyoumakesense," who doesn't, really, not so much:

so much hate ....GO IVANKA!!!!...liberals losers are LOSING their mind...you must be doing something very right !!!

from your favorite deplorable

hahahahahaha LOL....

You have to love the sheer formal perfection of this. The CAPSLOCK. The ellipses... the redundant "hahahahahaha LOL...." And the assumption that liberals are being driven CA-RAYZEEE by the Trumps' brilliant victories, which just keep coming. We are thinking of having this thing bronzed, then gilded, then spray-painted with gold paint, lit with neon, and hung in the lobby of a failing casino. But only if we can find a way to stiff the contractors.

"Gene W. Jr" created a brand new account just to sniff,

What a terribly written article where an author has to use so make expletives to make a point.

Indeed. If you can't make your point without obscenities, you ought to just stay silent.

"Betty R.," who we've decided we like enough to not banhammer just yet because she's kind of a hoot, jumped in after someone asked poor Gene W. "Ever read JD Salinger?" Betty's witty riposte?

Nope. Ever read any Ayn Rand?

Guess she got us there, because when it comes to obscenity, you really can't beat the Randian worldview. Betty had several other thoughts on naughty language!

• You poor misguided and extremely uninformed person. I'll pray for you.

• And I thought this was a classy forum. My bad. You little twerps have to use expletives (look it up) to get your points across. Sad.

• Can't express yourself without using curse words? That's a sure sign of low class mores.

• Hey, and hers I thought you were such a classy person; what with the fancy verbiage and such. My mistake. Potty mouth usually doesn't know much about proper grammar.

Betty's first couple of posts in the Ivanka thread indicated a certain uncertainty about what exactly the article was about. But she saw names, and that was all she needed:

• ah poor misunderstood Kathy Griffin; your mediocre career is over. (crying laughing emoji) And Bill Maher is right behind you cupcake. (thumbs up emoji, sunglasses smiley emoji)

• Are you referring to Learjet Leo di Caprio?

Haw haw, he sometimes travels by private jet, so climate change is a complete myth! That must have been what she was getting at when she posted a bit later, this enigmatic trio of words:

Pure logic Twinkie.

Could be a Twinkie made out of pure logic, which sounds yummy, or maybe she was calling someone a Twinkie while insisting some prior statement was pure logic, like all her other brilliance. She has to be smart: She doesn't cuss.

We got a good scolding about how shallow and superficial and not deep we all were from "JX," who truly did move us to worry that s/he might expire from sighing so much at the fallen state of our sick sad world. Really, our envy of Ivanka Trump is but a symptom of how everyone has been manipulated into a state of dangerous mental narcolepsy. We think "JX" was trying to say we're kinda dumb:

Reads like jealousy and insecurity. I'd be insecure too if I wrote that way, had nothing to be proud of, and looked at things with such superficial understanding. If anything Ivanka's demonstrated nothing but class and dignity, the kind that women should aspire to, and in better times, universally admired. I blame the Internet, it's made every clown in the world think they have a valid opinion when in fact they're just marching to the technocrat drumbeat, as dumb and in the dark as they ever were, now just programmed to be angry. Wake up people on both sides, your ideas are shallow and unenlightened, you're as dumb as you ever were despite 24 hour access to Facebook, and you're all being commanded from afar in servitude to some superior self-interest.... and you don't even know it.

Winning reply of the week goes to alert Wonkette Operative "TX Dept. of Space Tacos," who simply said,

"it's made every clown in the world think they have a valid opinion"

Ironic, innit?

Ah, but "JX" had more wisdom to lay upon us, and just wants us to please, please, stop being such fools, such easily-led wooly quadipedal ruminants, because there are dark -- if very vaguely-defined -- forces at work!

My point is that people haven't gotten any smarter, any more enlightened, than they were 20 years ago. They've only been exposed to excessive amounts of more effective, more pervasive manipulation. Question your ideas more, question what you think you know, what you think is self - evident, and why you think you know it. Everyone on the ground is at war but I haven't heard an original idea in years, only intolerable levels of childlike anger. Doesn't that say anything to you? If only one person reads this and asks themselves who they're really being manipulated by, and why they feel so much hatred for "the other side", it will have been worth my time to express this. Our freedom is at stake. People don't see who the real enemy is, or even realize there is one. They just continue fighting blindly, programmed and activated like sleeper cells.

Somehow, "JX" was too original a thinker to simply wail, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!" Then someone had to go and ask who this "real enemy" is, then, what is really manipulating us and leading us to hate each other so much and preparing to rob us of our freedom, and possibly to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids. (Our money was on the Jews, possibly in the person of George Soros, but that's only because Saul Alinsky programed us to mock virtuous people). "JX" didn't wanna get into it, really:

That's the big question. I have my ideas but I'm not writing this to proselytize, just provoke some thought.

Yeesh, people, if "JX" told us who the enemy was, we'd never use our minds to question everything, think for ourselves, and inevitably come to the same logical conclusion "JX" has. When a Wonker said the mind-bending manipulators were obviously shape-shifting lizard people, "JX" sighed yet again and insisted the identity of the hidden manipulators wasn't the point, not the point at all:

It doesn't really matter who, it just matters how, and what the effects are on the essence of being alive, things like originality, creativity, and freedom. But whoever it is, for either "side" (interesting how there are only two these days), I'm sure it presents a very friendly face. On its most basic level, I don't think this has ever really been in doubt.

There was a good bit more that "JX" had to say on the folly of all the foolish fools who have been fooled into thinking they're original thinkers, when in fact they are but sheep, but good lord we don't want our Dear Readers to be overcome with a bout of ennui and existential angst. And so we led "JX" to the door, to go off and build a bridge of sighs out of straw men somewhere else.

'The Death of a Salesman,' by Duke Ellington

Then there were the garden-variety OMG I AM SO SHOCKED/AMUSED BY YOUR LIBERAL HATRED OF A DECENT NICE RICH GAL HAVE YOU NO DECENCY posts, like this'n from "Atticus Rex" (from the Latin for "King of the attic"):

Such hatred and bitterness erodes destroys the moment and erodes one's health over time... It makes me happy knowing this is happening to you, hurstie wurstie ;)

We'll be sure to warn Evan that his moments may be destroyed. We're sure he'll want to know. Also, we initially misread the scathing playground taunt on Evan's last name as "hurtsie wurtsie," which works too.

And then there was this email from "Bob," sent to everyone whose email address was listed on our "Contact" page. The subject line, "Tips," was actually quite funny, to be honest:

Here's a tip for you wonkette.

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

It's hilarious to watch you liberal lunatics implode.

Conservatism is the new counter culture.

But you just keep doing what you do,

and we'll just keep laughing our asses off while you fucking BURN.

Thanks to Kid Zoom, we learned that "conservatism is the new counter culture" is the brainchild of InfoWars squawker Paul Joseph Watson, who last week celebrated Donald Trump's ditching the Paris accords with this hilarious observation:

Good to see the far right's intellectual thought leaders are having an influence.

Finally, since Evan's post mentioned the Paris agreement, and Ivanka's inactivism on its behalf, we got more than a few folks informing us that a lot of Top Scientists who they couldn't name have actually revealed global warming to be a big fat hoax. There was "shawnanshutz," who appears to have simply transcribed parts of Trump's dumb speech about dropping out of the agreement:

The Paris climate agreement was a horrible situation for the US. Why do you think that all foreign leaders, were so butt hurt about us pulling out? Because it was a great deal for them we would be shilling out the majority of the cost while everyone else was just using our money on anything, there were no checks and balances to make sure they were actually spending our money on climate change. The US and perhaps Europe would be held to a higher standard while all the other countries could do whatever they want with no oversite

That there is some grade-A derp, pretty much every bit of it a mess of illogic and wrong. The foreigners are taking our money! And it's true, kinda-sorta: we agreed to pay into a UN fund to help poorer countries transition to cleaner energy, which we benefit from because if they develop cleaner power, the whole planet warms less. And the USA is actually on the same planet!

Our crowning moment of Stupid came from "Keely Swan," who appears to have been trying to help folks fill out their Wingnut Cliché Bingo cards in a single go. It's a tad long, but you owe it to yourself to at least skim it for its pure rightwing crazy. Spoiler: the globalist elites want everyone to live in poverty so they can implement communism, while the elites whoop it up. To this end, they have forced virtually all scientists to fudge all their data everywhere, because climate scientists want in on the globalist gravy train, too. But that's not nearly as goofy as the thing in all its dull-witted glory:

lol. You left-wing, hate-filled, druidic nutjobs are hilarious. There are many, many very intelligent people/scientists who have openly said they believe "climate change" is a hoax (backed by cooked up numbers) perpetrated by the global elites as an excuse to drive the masses into communism under the pretense of "saving mother earth." The sun goes through natural heating and cooling cycles. THAT is what's causing the natural temperature alterations, you fools.

Meanwhile...

We, the people, are expected to live with less and less, while the elites and their elite friends can consume more and more living in their huge mansions (with astronomical electric consumption), flying on their own private jets (with astronomical pollution, gas, and carbon emissions), etc. The globalists know it's all bullshit. They just want more power and control over the enslaved, impoverished masses.

Obama and Hillary are globalist puppets for the UN. That's why they pushed socialism and poverty the past 8 years. The globalists are purposely wrecking all of the world's economies to drive us into poverty and communism. That is their ultimate plan.

At the UN "Earth Summit" the globalists said the entire world must be driven into poverty and communism to save the earth. The UN claims that overpopulation and industrialization are destroying the earth and causing "climate change" (which is a giant scam), and therefore the only way to save the planet is to de-industrialize the world and drive the masses into poverty to prevent over-consumption of global resources (since poor people consume less). If you don't believe me, feel free to research something called "Agenda 21."

Listen, if you want to live like a 3rd-world peasant in an effort to curb your "carbon footprint" and "save mother earth," by all means, go right ahead. But if you want to convince others of the moral rightness of your position in hopes they will follow your lead, you must first LIVE BY EXAMPLE. Sell everything you own and go live off the land somewhere in abject poverty, consuming the bare minimum of what you need to survive - but DON'T force that bullshit onto the rest of us, you holier-than-thou, self-righteous hypocrites.

Or maybe the idea is to shift, with a certain amount of urgency, from oil to cleaner energy sources that will still provide electricity and power vehicles and stuff, while jobs in the new energy industries employ millions of people. Nahh, now THAT'S a ridiculous fantasy, compared to the perfectly straightforward fact that a worldwide cabal of elitists is getting away with forcing everyone to live in third-world penury (which, by the way, tends to pollute a lot).

But there's so much to love here. "Druidic." The inevitable "We, the people." Agenda 21, which hasn't been seen around these parts in a long, long time. If you're gonna go wingnut, we respect going old-school wingnut, with a soupçon of anti-globalist conspiracy mongering. All that's missing is a declaration that "Keely Swan" will never give up, never surrender, never trade their Ford Expedition for a globalist fascist liberal bicycle.

Bravely done, Keely. We laugh at you from our elitist old apartment where we drink our elitist coffee and plot to drive you into penury. Or perhaps force you to get nasty wind-generated electricity, the horror.

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