Deleted Emails Of The Day: 'Dave's Not Here, Man' Edition

Today, a special treat! For a certain value of "treat," at least. Instead of buttheaded remarks from our comments queue, we have a special sampling from some email correspondence sent to Yr Editrix, from a gentleman named Stephen Hitchcock (we are using his name, because... well, because he's a monumental dick). The first missive was far too long to reproduce in its entirety, so we'll just give you a sample:

Hello Ms. Wonkette,

This morning I made the mistake of browsing the Guardian website and came across your article about Barbara Wa-wa's "worlds most fascinating person for 2013"–Hillary Clinton. In it you gush about how Clinton is "master of how to stay in the spotlight" blah blah blah. Yawn.

What gawd awful reading about a thoroughly mainstream corporate democrat. You must be a shill paid by Clinton's P.R. agency to write that shit. Honestly, how can you even act interested in such a thoroughly mediocre politician, the Clinton monarchy of "more of the same". No different than Obama (both are corporate Wall Street democrats through and through), thoroughly loyal to the right wing AIPAC party, etc.

And what are you doing tossing this shit article out onto the Guardian's "Comment in Free" spot? That's supposed to be for actual writing, in the sense of the term edgy, controversial, debatable. There is nothing even remotely "fascinating" about sell-out Hillary ... [arglebargle deleted]

What a terrible, stupid, pretentious, brown-nose article for the low news cycle Christmas break. Face it: you're actually a shill, an intern for Hillary. I mean nobody could write that shit without getting paid a fat wad of cash.

So, yeah, your basic "I'm a real liberal and Hillary is not, therefore YOU are not" rant. But we haven't written anything about Hillz lately... wait, Guardian? Dude's writing to Ana Marie Cox.

A polite reply is dispatched:

To: Stephen Hitchcock

Dear Stephen,

Ana Marie Cox left Wonkette in 2008, maybe earlier. Maybe next time you could be sure your poison pen letter is going to the right person!


Rebecca Schoenkopf



It is not received well:

Thanks for pointing that out! While we're exchanging helpful advice, here's some for Marie Cox-

a) Have her email address published along with her article.

b) If she left the Wonkette in 2008 maybe its time to update her Guardian profile? To wit-

"Ana Marie Cox is ..."The founding editor of the blog Wonkette, she has written about Washington and national politics for a variety of outlets..."

Reading that anyone would rightly think she's the current editor Wonkette. Oh I get it–just leave out the fact you don't wonk at Wonkette anymore to pump up the CV. What a clever Wonkette Marie is....erm was....erm..has the founding editor.....??? Oh forget it.

Steve "Poison Pen" Hitchcock xox

ps: can't wait for the next Hillary article! With 330 million Americans, I mean, why look any further than Hillary and Bill Clinton. Sure makes for fascinating reading.....zzzzzzz.........

Um. That is some real helpful advice for someone who is, as we are pretty sure we mentioned, no longer here. We bet she'll follow it! And by the way, would you people at the Guardian just stop being so in love with Hillary?

Another reply to Mr. Hitchcock ("master of suspense," my ass):

To: Stephen Hitchcock

I'm not sure why you would give me the helpful advice you mean for AMC? Maybe you are just as big a dick as your first note suggested?

And yet another retort, in which Mr. Hitchcock still seems to want us to do something about Ana Marie Cox's outrageous behavior:

To: Rebecca Schoenkopf

Oh yeah!–I'm a "big dick" for explaining how the mix-up happened. Thanks Ms. Snark_kopf!

Well since you both work for Wonkette (according to her Guardian profile) so maybe it would help if she didn't word her profile to read like she works there? Then you wouldn't get emails meant for her.

Hey guess what? I'm not feeling the "love" vibes from your first email sign mean you actually think I'm a poison penned big dick? Say it ain't so!

Love ya,

Steve "poison pen big dick" Hitchcock xoxo

He seems nice. Stronger measures are called for. But note -- there is still an effort to educate and enlighten:

To: Stephen Hitchcock

No, see, Stephen, you're a dick because instead of saying, "oh, sorry to have dumped hatemail into your inbox when it was meant for someone else," you then tried to mansplain ADVICE for SOMEONE ELSE, TO ME, as if *I* needed the advice!

That is dickish, actually! A simple "my bad" would have gone a long way. Did you do that? You did not!

Go away please.

Needless to say, the gentleman did not appreciate this effort, because obviously, we are in the wrong, both for our pro-Hillary sycophancy and for our subterfuge in suggesting that Ms. Cox was still here:

From my perspective (not sure if that matters to you) your first message to me came across as arrogant and smug: you're quick to judge others and give unsolicited advice (and call them a "big dick" who is now "mansplainin'" things---wow you're a class act. Did I call you a cunt? No, I didn't but maybe I should now).

Yep...that's me....I'm a big dick who is "mansplainin' things. Thanks for the laughs, it's hard to believe you are actually an editor of anything except Women's PMS Rag Monthly LOL :-D

Seig heil Freulein Scheiss_Kopf von Snark_berg, sieg Heil!!!!

Poison Pen big dickish

Yep, there's a fella who knows how to lecture people on how to be a good librul. At this rate, we're doubtful that he's ever going to straighten out that Ana Marie Cox lady, not one bit. And it will have been all our fault.

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He'll come to fix the sink.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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