Deli Owner: No One Liked My White History Month Celebration, Please Send Bigot Bucks Now!
Hello, it is your Wonkette, and we are here to report to you that this whole "I'm a bigot, give me all the cash on GoFundMe" thing is no longer a random occurrence, nor is it a pattern, it's a damned INDUSTRY. Meet your new grifter, Jim Boggess of Flemington, New Jersey! What act of bigotry and subsequent backlash has beset poor Jim? Oh, just that he put a sign in the window of his establishment, Jimbo's Deli, asking people to celebrate their "white heritage" for the month of March. Apparently Boggess never got the memo that ALL THE MONTHS are White History Month, including the one where Americans perfunctorily make note of famous black Americans through history.
Well, of course, people said all kinds of mean things to Boggess, and he lost a ton of business, and despite the fact that he SHOOK HANDS with the mixed-race customer who complained in the first place, people still think he's an asshole. And he's begging for YOUR bigot money with a GoFundMe called "Jimbos white history sign gone bad." [Sic, obviously.]
Fuh real, y'all. Get a load of this money beg:
It was only supposed to be a white thing but people read more into it than that. I did get tons of supporting letters from all across the USA. Which was very comforting during such a stressful time. Then the bottom dropped out and customers were no longer coming into my deli, and now I am forced to close down my Deli and lose my American dream. I have become heavily in debt and getting shut off notices from everywhere for both business and home. I don't think I deserve this just because I wanted to be proud of being white and be able to celebrate my heritage like everyone else does. If you read this , please leave a comment and what state your from so I can see where my support is coming from. Thank you for all the support and. I WILL stay strong and hope to find a job.
Well golly gosh, Jimbo, we can't imagine why people would "read more into" a bitter old white man whining that nobody is paying attention to his "white heritage." Sorry, dude, but you done fucked up ya OWN American Dream! Also, we are very curious if Jimbo even knows what his "white heritage" is, because if he had been a little more specific -- say, if he were Irish-American -- we don't think anyone would have batted an eye! Accompanying the beg is this picture, yes really, this picture:
Yes, he was FORCED OUT of business, just for saying that maybe, you know, we could think of the Whites once in a while! The good news is that, as of this writing, poor Jimbo's GoFundMe only has $215, sadface. But for some reason, we have a feeling it will grow.
And all this time, Wonkette has been trying to get its slice of the bigot GoFundMe pie, saying look, we fired a gay, for freedom, and for Jesus, and we've gotten a LITTLE, but nowhere near what these bigots with their pizza and their flowers have gotten. The pizza people can retire, and the florist lady can go to Branson as many times as she wants, WHERE IS OUR BIGOT MONEY?
So, we are going to have to double down. Wonkette promises that, if somehow it happens that we get big enough that we need a personal assistant, we will not hire a gay for that position, unless we think he is really hot, or if he's otherwise "qualified" for the position. WE PROMISE. We will reject all gay applicants out of hand, unless we don't want to. WON'T YOU CHIP IN $5 TO HELP US GET BIG ENOUGH THAT WE NEED A PERSONAL ASSISTANT, WHO WILL NOT BE GAY, UNLESS WE WANT HIM TO BE? Or her. It could be a she-gay. That would be fine too.
It's what baby Jesus, the Founding Fathers and America herself would want, dammit.
[NJ.com via tipster "Louis"]
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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