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SUCK IT


If you have been wondering "IS OUR DNC DOING ANYTHING TODAY?" we have some news for you, and it is that the DNC is suing the fuck out of the Trump campaign and the Russian Federation and WikiLeaks, for all being in conspiracy together to bone the 2016 election in favor of Donald Trump. Nice! The Democrats explain in a blog post that while their eye is still very much on the ball when it comes to winning the 2018 midterm elections, part of doing that is PROTECTING our elections, and this lawsuit is a good start on that, since Congress hasn't done fuckall about election interference, and the Trump administration has done even less.

From WaPo:

The complaint, filed in federal district court in Manhattan, alleges that top Trump campaign officials conspired with the Russian government and its military spy agency to hurt Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton and help Trump by hacking the computer networks of the Democratic Party and disseminating stolen material found there.

“During the 2016 presidential campaign, Russia launched an all-out assault on our democracy, and it found a willing and active partner in Donald Trump’s campaign,” DNC Chairman Tom Perez said in a statement.

“This constituted an act of unprecedented treachery: the campaign of a nominee for President of the United States in league with a hostile foreign power to bolster its own chance to win the presidency,” he said.

That sounds exactly accurate! The DNC's argument is that Russian hacking, plus all kinds of Trump people doing sexxxytime contacts with Russians, plus the way Trump would stand on stage and dare Russia to HACK MOAR EMAILS, amounted to a full-blown conspiracy. And we think they're right! While not everything in the lawsuit has been proven -- and some will probably have to come out in the Robert Mueller investigation -- this is an interesting lawsuit because it will subject defendants to discovery, so hey Donald Trump, another investigation! Aren't you SEXCITED?

The DNC explains more of its reasoning:

We believe that Russia found a willing partner in the Trump campaign, who shared their goal of damaging the Democratic Party and helping elect Donald Trump. The Trump campaign had repeated secretive communications with Russian agents and WikiLeaks. Russian agents told Trump advisors that the Kremlin wanted to help Trump and had stolen emails and other material that could damage Trump’s opponent. And Trump’s closest political advisor, Roger Stone, had advance knowledge of a major release of stolen Democratic emails.

WaPo notes that suing a whole country is pretty hard, but also notes that the DNC filed a similar lawsuit after the Watergate break-in. Then, as it is now, the offending parties had broken into THEIR SHIT, therefore they say suing Russia is fair game.

While President Dinglebritches himself is not named in the lawsuit, all his friends and family are, including Indicted Paul Manafort, Guilty Rick Gates, Dumbfuck Donald Trump Jr., and Fucking Jared Kushner. Oh yeah, and Russian military intelligence. And Julian Assange. And Roger Stone. And Trump campaign "coffee boy" George Smurf-a-derp-o-lous and his his spy professor friend, Joseph Mifsud, who told Derp about all the Russian hacked emails just four days after Russia pulled off a big hack on the DNC. And Aras and Emin Agalarov, the father-son oligarch duo who did Moscow Miss Universe with Trump in 2013.

In short, the DNC is suing ERRBODY!

Let's see what a real live smart lawyer (which we are not!) thinks about the lawsuit! Is this dumb and going nowhere, or is it fascinating and innovative?

Fuck yeah, fascinating and innovative!

Guess we'll just have to see where this case goes and whether we have a big enough jail to put ALL OF RUSSIA AND THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN in it.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a fairly regular Wonkette reader and have had a nagging little voice for some time saying “you should throw Wonkette a buck every month”? We would surely appreciate it!

[Washington Post / DNC blog post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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