Democrats Have Civilized Debate, No Trump Penis Allowed

Don't drink the water

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are at it again, preparing for another of those civilized discussions of how they disagree on some stuff but are both 100% dead certain that either of them would be a jillion times better than any of the screeching rage-whores with an "R" after their names. Not that they'd ever stoop to such indelicate language. The difference between Thursday's Republican debate and tonight's Democratic debate is pretty much going to feel like you've switched your TV box (or other device) from WWE Smackdown to that Dear Downtown Abby thing that the nice people watch. Do not expect any talk of penis size, advocacy of war crimes, or any such folderol from your #DemDebate. And while we're sure Bernie and Hillary will both have nice things to say about the late Nancy Reagan, we can also be fairly certain that neither candidate will waste too much time aspiring to be the next incarnation of Saint Ronnie. Thank the merciful Coincidence that it's a Democratic debate tonight, is what we're saying.

Also, in honor of Nancy Reagan's quiet dignity and classiness, the next Republican debate will begin with a moment of silence in her memory before the candidates start screaming at each other like howler monkeys on a meth bender.

So! Let's go over What You Need To Know!

So, another Democratic debate on a weekend night, huh?

You bet your ass it is. Say hi to Debbie Wasserman Schultz, will you? Still, as someone pointed out the last time we griped about a Sunday debate, Sunday is the night when a lot of Americans are parked in front of their Teevees, albeit usually to get a big dose of zombies, games with thrones, or other entertainments, not necessarily politics.

Fine, Fine, Where and When?

We like your no-nonsense attitude. 8 p.m. Eastern, which is 5 Pacific, and [remember to add "Mountain Time Zone" joke here]. On CNN, which means that you have to have cable to watch the fecker, even on your computer, because CNN sucks harder than a young Nancy Davis and won't even do you the courtesy of smiling up at you after. Those of you without cable can at least find the audio stream on CNN "radio" right here. The debate will come to you live from Flint, Michigan, seeing as how Michigan's primary is coming up on Tuesday.

Will the candidates say more about Flint's water crisis tonight than the Republicans have in all their debates combined?

[contextly_sidebar id="qCEdZ7EakDfpfSlCPH2BNHQqZNaw8dXZ"]They already have, in debates that weren't held in Flint. For chrissakes, the Republican debate in Detroit barely mentioned Flint, and then they blamed the water crisis on Democrats, which makes all kinds of sense. 

Any other political news that might affect tonight's debate?

Maybe they'll congratulate Marco Rubio on winning the Puerto Rico Republican primary. Also, results from Maine's weirdass Democratic caucus will be coming in just around debate time, so there's that, too.

Update 10: 30 EST:Oh, hey, Bernie won the Maine caucuses. Good for him, but caucuses are still sucky and undemocratic. 

So, now that "Negan" has finally been mentioned in The Walking Dead, how closely do you think the show will follow the comic?

Shh. No spoilers, you!

Will Wonkette be liveblogging this one?

Oh, sure, just like we've liveblogged the other weekend debates. Which means, no, but Yr Dok Zoom will be down there in the comments with you, throwing popcorn at the teevee screen. Plus, we already set the Tivo to catch The Walking Dead.