Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge
Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you stories that didn't quite merit a post of their own, but that were too stupid to ignore altogether. As always, you may want to fortify yourself with whatever you believe necessary to get through the experience -- we suggest a couple of pan-galactic gargleblasters.
Huffington Post did some math and some journalisming on all this, noting that
For 2014, the minimum penalty for an individual is $95 or 1 percent of your taxable income minus the first $10,150, whichever is higher. The penalty is capped at $3,600 for a single person this year...
And they also note that even if Drudge pays his estimated tax on a quarterly basis and added in a guesstimate of the penalty, the IRS hasn't even established a means of collecting the fines for taxpayers yet, since, again, the penalty won't be assessed until next year. In two later tweets -- both now deleted -- Drudge claimed that he had been forced to pay the penalty because of quarterly filings:
Dazed team Obama media reporters think Opt-Out tax 'year away'? Not for small businesses that file Qtr estimates. We're there NOW, baby #pay
Strange that he'd claim that he's being penalized for filing as a small business, since the penalty for businesses with under 100 employees was delayed until 2016. Are we supposed to believe Matt Drudge has over 100 employees? Or that he's filing quarterly as an individual and adding a penalty that the IRS is not yet set up to process? At most, Matt Drudge may be over-paying his taxes, but none of it is really going to pay his fakey LIBERTY TAX. The White House tweeted:
In any case, Dead Breitbart's Home For Dyspeptic Banshees has determined that all stories questioning Drudge are Liberal Lies.
Maybe if Matty were to release copies of his taxes, that might settle it?
"And I swear that I don't have a gun."
— Kurt Cobain, "Come As You Are"
Despite the pledge in those lyrics that went around the world in the early 1990s, police in Seattle say that Kurt Cobain did have at least one gun.
CNN scrubbed that lede shortly afterward, but the smartasses at Deadspin decided they'd try to top it. We would be remiss if we didn't bring you a few of their attempts:
- "Here we are now / Entertain us," Kurt Cobain once sang, but apparently we weren't entertaining enough, because he shot himself.
- "I'm so happy / 'Cause today I found my friends / They're in my head," sang Kurt Cobain on "Lithium," possibly an ironic reference to the shotgun pellets that would later rip through his skull, ending his life.
- "Load up on guns, bring your friends / It's fun to lose and to pretend," sang Kurt Cobain, who eventually did load up his gun, but there was nothing fun or pretend about what he did next.
You get the idea. Obviously, this is a game that Wonketters are far too classy to indulge in, we bet!
Also, wingnut columnist Erik Rush is now promoting a version of fellow wingnut Jim Garrow's crazyplane theory that Barack Obama ordered the CIA to remotely seize control of it, forcing it to land at the US base on Diego Garcia. Then a bunch of computer guys on the flight were tortured to extract their secrets, and then Obama just plain murdered everyone else aboard because he is a James Bond movie villain. Rush insisted that his information "has been confirmed at the highest levels of our government, though not the current one, if that’s cryptic enough for you.
You know, the real government. The one that made Steve Guttenberg a star.
It's a slur against equality for Albany and Florida to be labeled "16" and "1." Who is to say Florida is better than Albany or Albany better than Florida? Why not share the best Gators with the Great Danes to make it more of an equal playing field, eh, equal court?
Conservative satire at its finest, folks. Oh, and also, just for good measure, please be outraged that "Pieces of Ukraine are falling apart and the health care plan's a mess. But we finally have a president who really knows basketball, and for the next three weeks that's all that matters."
Yes, yes, Inpeach, etc. Is it just us, or does it feel like they aren't even trying to be outraged anymore?
“His group’s presence affirms the need for this year’s Pride theme, ‘We Have Won When We’re One.’ Straight is great -- as long as there’s no hate.”
Donahue also claimed that the organizers were going to make him wear "LGBT paraphernalia," which we'll just assume was maybe a card identifying him as a registered participant. The organizers, speaking gay English, issued a gay denial and said they had not asked him to wear any particular outfit. And then they rolled their gay eyes and shook their gay heads.
That is all the derp we have for you today. How on earth did we get through this without a single story about a Florida Man?
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.