Desperate Americans Beg Queen 'Please Take Us Back!'
Throughout the colony of Virginia, thousands of sad "Americans" have gathered to beg Queen Elizabeth II for forgiveness and a chance to rejoin the British Empire.
"I'm just so sad all the time," said a Richmond Republican seen weeping with so many others today as they awaited their monarch. "The whole thing, independence or whatever, has really turned out bad."
While the Queen is likely to accept Virginia and eventually the entire "United States" back into the Empire, Americans will likely be disappointed at what the British have become in the ensuing centuries: a bunch of fat slags who listen to shit music and don't even drink tea anymore.