Donate

Desperate Corzine May Pick Reality Teevee's 'Apprentice' Winner As Lieut. Governor Candidate

News

Silly Jon Corzine once abandoned his comfy job as a United States Senator in order to waste all of his money on a bid for Governor of New Jersey, that scorching slab of rocks and trash soundtracked to the din of furious rats screaming about property taxes. But as Corzine would soon discover, trying to balance the budget during a Great New Depression that your state's top earners spent years engineering at their day jobs across the Hudson will make you VERY UNPOPULAR. And now that Corzine's trailing by double-digits in his bid for reelection this November, his magic 8-ball of Despair hasrecommended selecting 38-year-old Randal Pinkett, winner of NBC's The Apprentice, Season 4, as his running mate -- "to energize the African-American base." Politics is easy! [The Awl]

$
Donate with CC

Fox News has been LI'L BIT CONFUSED about how to cover Donald Trump's treason meeting with Vladimir Putin. There was a lot of tut-tutting from Fox's daytime journalists (the "real" ones) on Monday, but then it was Double Dipshit Time on Monday night as Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took over the commentary. Carlson found the real election hackers (brown Mexican people who either move to America and become legal citizens who vote or brown Mexican people who are just born here, as if THAT is allowed!) and declared that Russian meddling is like number 115 on the list of things that threaten America. (The other 114 are the blacks and the Mexicans and the gypsies, because Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist.) Meanwhile, Hannity hosted Donald Trump for some kind of mutual lick-off session where Trump said that Putin had informed him that there was NO COLLUSION. It's good to have a KGB handler who remembers stuff like that!

But even then, there was a hopeful moment! Fox News's Chris Wallace committed an actual act of journalism Monday night when he interviewed Vladimir Putin, going so far as to stick Robert Mueller's indictments in the Russian leader's stupid fucking face and dare him to read them. He even asked Putin why he constantly murders people with poison. GO GET HIM, CHRIS WALLACE!

Usually the next morning's "Fox & Friends" is like Carlson and Hannity's afterbirth, but Tuesday morning was a little bit different! For some reason, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and Abby Huntsman were not 100% pleased with Dear Leader's behavior in Helsinki! So they put on their Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski masks and did their best impression of a more dumber version of "Morning Joe," and oh my god it was SO WEIRD. Like, they would be outraged for a second, but then they would immediately compliment him and reassure him that he is a Very Good Boy who won that presidential election fair and square.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Image by Mariordo, Wikimedia Commons

In what seems like a perfectly logical move where corporations are people, MGM International Resorts is suing all the victims of the Las Vegas massacre in federal court. But don't worry -- at least the company isn't seeking damages from them for its own corporate pain and suffering! Instead, the lawsuit is a maneuver to head off liability claims related to the mass shooting last October 1, as is only right and just. All they want is what's coming to them, like immunity from damages and some ill will from consumers, which will no doubt blow over eventually.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc