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Did you know the Russia investigation is still a thing? America sort of took a break from it (Robert Mueller didn't), so we could focus on being horrified that Donald Trump has been ripping babies out of mommies' arms with such glee you'd think the babies were Big Macs. But here are a couple stories you might have missed in the past couple of days, and they both involve Devin Nunes obstructing justice, because that's the only thing he's good at. (OK, fine, we may have heard a rumor that he is also good at fucking cows, but that is just a rumor, so you guys need to stop being such Gossiping Gwendolyns!)


The first is that the FBI has caved and handed Nunes and Rep. Trey Gowdy all kinds of documents on the Russia investigation, because Nunes and Gowdy need them for "oversight" purposes. (For Nunes, "oversight" should always be read as "leaking to Fox News in order to run interference for Donald Trump.") We haven't covered every single twist and turn of this fight, because it's mostly been Nunes saying "GIVE ME OUR NATION'S DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS" and the DOJ saying "fuck off" and Nunes saying "INPEACH! INPEACH! INPEACH!" Rinse, repeat, and so forth.

Files are now being delivered to the House Intelligence, Judiciary and Oversight committees, about why the Trump-Russia investigation was started, why FBI/DOJ got FISA warrants on actual Russian intelligence asset Carter Page, and how FBI/DOJ used an informant to brush up against the Trump campaign and find out what kind of Russian fuckery was going on there.

We're very certain now that Devin Nunes has gotten all these documents he will shut the fuck up and go bang cows, LOL just kidding, he will obstruct justice FOREVER!

The second story also involves Devin Nunes and document production, but in a Reverse Cowgirl kind of way, because while Nunes just looooooooves to receive documents, he's apparently not much of a giver. Rep. Eric Swalwell, a Democratic member of the intel committee, has some stories to tell about how Trump idiots Roger Stone and Michael Caputo literally lied to the committee's faces (just like Erik Prince did) about their Russian contacts, completely "forgetting" about that time a guy named "Henry Greenberg," who wore a MAGA hat and had a "viscous Russian accent," offered them dirty Hillary Clinton dirt for the low, low price of two million dollars:

Swalwell focused on recent revelations that, at Caputo's instigation, Stone met during the 2016 campaign in Florida with a Russian immigrant and sometime FBI informant named Henry Greenberg who offered "dirt" on Hillary Clinton. [...]

"And so to say that there was 'failure of memory' by both individuals to recall this meeting, I just don't buy it," Swalwell told Yahoo News' chief investigative correspondent Michael Isikoff and editor in chief Daniel Klaidman.

"I think they just lied through their teeth to protect the fact that they were willing and eager to take a meeting with Russians who were offering dirt," he added.

Devin Nunes is part of this because Swalwell says he and Adam Schiff have been wanting to send Robert Mueller the transcripts of all the lies Stone and Caputo told the committee behind closed doors, but Nunes won't let them:

"The Nunes team has refused to cooperate with us on that and at least send [the transcripts] over to Mueller," he added. "And so yes, I do believe that both Caputo and Stone, that special counsel should be able to look at that for perjury."

AND ERIK PRINCE TOO. Good lord, the sheer number of Trump people who have probably perjured themselves in front of Congress, why it'd probably blow Devin Nunes's Love Cow right off her feet if she ever found out about it. (ALLEGEDLY! Like we said, we have no idea if he has a Love Cow, and if he does, we don't know if she is prone to mooing angrily about people perjuring themselves in front of Congress.)

Caputo and Stone have "amended" the lies they told the committee, because apparently Robert Mueller asked Caputo a few things about his Russian contacts, which musta led him to suddenly "remember" that one time a swarthy Russian knocked on his door selling Pampered Chef Hillary Clinton dirt. The good news is that we're fairly certain that no matter how many lies these and other Trump motherfuckers have told Congress, Robert Mueller already knows ALL THE TRUTH.

On that note, did y'all hear the funny thing Sen. Mark Warner, Democratic vice chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee, got caught saying at a Democratic retreat at Martha's Vineyard this weekend?

"If you get me one more glass of wine, I'll tell you stuff only Bob Mueller and I know," Warner joked to party-goers. "If you think you've seen wild stuff so far, buckle up. It's going to be a wild couple of months."

Breitbart is SO EFFING MAD about that quote, but that's OK because it's making us LOL so loudly that we can't even hear Breitbart bitching.

Who's ready for a wild couple of months? WE ARE!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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