Devin Nunes Can't Shut Up! Wonkagenda For Thurs., March 23, 2017
Morning Wonketariat! Did you get some sleep? Crom knows we didn't! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
- London police are continuing to investigate a crazy British-born asshole who killed several people outside of Parliament yesterday. There's no jokes here.
- CNN is reporting that the FBI has evidence Trump's minions communicated and coordinated with Russian agents, but seeing as how they're all as rotten as the cocktail shrimp at a Vegas salad bar, who the fuck knows which lying S.O.B. they're talking about.
- After Trump slut and House Intel Chair Devin Nunes ran to teevee people to say that Trump (or his people) might have been overheard by US intel agencies, Ranking Member Rep. Adam Schiff held his own press conference and was all, "Yeah, no fucking shit," but surmised that Nunes ruined the investigation after he ran around the Hill waggling his dick at reporters because the evidence is "more than circumstantial."
- Trump feels "somewhat vindicated," which is weird because it raises the question as to why anyone would be happy about being lawfully investigated by the fucking FBI for corruption and/or collusion with a foreign government.
- John McCain thinks those whippersnappers in the House have just shit the bed, and that the Senate should create a Select Committee to investigate Trump and his officials ties to Russia. Why not both? [Video]
- Neil Gorsuch continued to tongue bathe the GOP while Democrats wondered if he could actually answer a question without violating his Heritage Foundation Stepford programming.
- House Republicans spent all night tweaking their shit sandwich designed to replace Obamacare, and even Trump is acting like he gives a damn. The new negotiations are reported to kill even more benefits as it takes a sharp right turn. Though the vote is tonight, there's still no confirmation on whether or not there are enough votes to ram through this poorly disguised tax cut for the super-rich.
- The Koch Brothers are starting a 2018 Republican reelection fund but only for those (Republican) Congress weasels who vote against TrumpCare/RyanCare. Money for votes? That's probably legal now.
- The Secret Service is asking for an extra $60 million in funding next year since it has to divide itself over Trump's garish yuppie crap that sits in multiple states, his family, their recklessly extravagant lifestyle, and the usual foreign dignitaries.
- Alex Acosta's confirmation hearing did not go well yesterday as Democrats wondered why he was pallin' around with a billionare pedophile, and had a history of bending to political pressure.
- Career government employees are scared of being doxxed by Breitbart and other right-wing "news" outlets simply because they decided to become public servants as opposed to greedy self-serving shills without scruples.
- The Senate used the Congressional Review Act (again) to rid us of a pesky rule that limited hunting methods in national wildlife refuges in Alaska. Now we can look forward to more videos of Sarah Palin hunting wolves with automatic rifles from a helicopter.
- Rex Tillerson woke and wrote some memos directing diplomatic missions on how to institute Trump's idea of "extreme vetting" which included 15 years of previous vacation destinations and home address, social media and email handles, prior passport numbers, and (where applicable) a stool sample, urine sample, breast size, penile length and girth, and a semen sample.
- Spoiled brat Donald Trump Jr. had the balls to criticize London's Muslim mayor, Sadiq Khan, who said terrorist attacks are part of living in a major city and so people need to be aware, and Britons are pissed.
- Jared Kushner's newspaper is reporting that Trump is suing some kid who made a web game that allowed people to use kittens to bat around Trump's head, but Yr Wonkette can't independently verify the information at this time because it's Jared Kushner's newspaper.
- A cash-strapped VFW hall outside of Baltimore accidentally started renting its hall to some skinheads, and that's when the legal shenanigans began!
- Texas police are confused why 18-year-old Breana Harmon Talbott faked a kidnapping and accused three black men of gang raping her, and the alt-right crazies are suddenly silent.
- David Brock had a heart attack but he's getting better. Fingers crossed!
- People are salivating at grabbing the Senate seat from New Jersey's scumbag Senator Bob Menendez whose corruption trial is still moving forward (unlike Joe Piscopo's political ambitions).
- The Wingnut-o-sphere has just about had it with Shep Smith ruining Fox News with all his so-called "facts" and off-script "truth" stuff.
- And here's your late night wrap-up! Colbert poked fun at TrumpCare's rebranding strategy, then talked to sexxy sex voice man H. Jon Benjamin; Trevor Noah shined a light on why Africans couldn't make it stateside for an African economic conference; and Sam Bee 'splainered Trump's budget and not-so-secret Hungarian Nazi sympathizer and devout Trumpkin Sebastian Gorka.
- And here's your morning Nice Time! It's a Sulawesi crested macaque! They're super cute!
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