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Three of the hackiest, stupidest people in all of American public life were all on the same TV screen last night.

Add in Glenn Greenwald, Michael Tracey, Diamond and Silk, and you'd have ... seven of the hackiest, stupidest people in all of American public life!

Anyway, Devin Nunes is SO MAD ABOUT THE DOSSIER, as he explained to Trump butt fluffer Sean Hannity last night. But it's not the dossier he's usually mad about, the one Hillary Clinton concocted late one night after a quick round of Benghazi-ing (it's like yoga but with more MURDERRRRRR), which was compiled by former MI6 spy Christopher Steele, one of the foremost Russia experts on the globe. He's mad now about the MUELLER DOSSIER, which is funny, because we thought it totally exonerated Donald Trump. That's what they've been saying, right?


DEVIN THE COW WHISPERER: I think people should be LEERY about receiving what I call the MUELLER DOSSIER. Partisans wrote this document. What I'm interested in is not just to receive the MUELLER DOSSIER. I want all the information that fed into this, because I'm sure -- just like everything else we've dealt with over the last two years -- there's gonna be a lot of FAKE INNUENDO in the MUELLER DOSSIER.

(All caps added so it reads like the Breitbart comment it was meant to be.)

Anyway, when he says"partisans," what he means is "career professionals." And when he says MUELLER DOSSIER, he means to MAKE 80-YEAR-OLD HALF-SENILE FOX NEWS VIEWERS SHIT THEIR PANTS IN ANGER AND CONFUSION AND ALSO BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THEY USUALLY SHIT. It is literally the only thing messaging strategy (and Trump) have left.

While Trump and a lot of Republicans did a half-ass job of pretending they wanted transparency for the Mueller report for like a week, until the media really started to grasp the truth about the cover-up Bill Barr was performing in service of his Dear Leader, you could tell braindead shitholes like Nunes never really quite got their game faces on.

Nunes also said on Fox News the other day -- with a straight fucking face -- that the Democrats only want the Mueller report so they can "leak it to all their buddies in the media," which is hilarious because we are old enough to remember when Devin Nunes was chairman of the House Intelligence Committee and was running around Washington smelling of cow romance (allegedly), begging the DoJ to RELEASE THE MEMO that his own office wrote, and demanding documents from DoJ related to ongoing investigations, which would somehow as if by magic end up in Sean Hannity's mouth within literal minutes.

(For an exhaustive and lovely list of all the things Devin Nunes has done to obstruct justice for Vladimir Putin's Russia and its [probable] intelligence asset Donald Trump, check out his file at the Moscow Project at the Center For American Progress.)

And of course, one of Nunes's first responses was to try to shame Adam Schiff into resigning as the chair of the Intel Committee (that worked out well for the Republicans, didn't it?), and to announce he was sending criminal referrals to the FBI, to make the FBI lock itself up in jail for doing COLLUSION WITCH HOAX to sweet and innocent Donald Trump. Of course, he hasn't actually followed through on that yet, but Nunes now says he might be sending TWO DOZEN criminal referrals to DoJ, which we're sure they'll get right on, that's right, Devin, MOOOOOOOOO. Of course, he still hasn't said who those TWO DOZEN people might be, so we'll just re-up our prediction from the last time we wrote about Nunes's very serious criminal referrals to DoJ, which we're sure they'll get right on, that's right, Devin, MOOOOOOOOO:

Hillary Clinton, James Comey, Peter Strzok, James Clapper, John Brennan, John Lennon, James Taylor, Peter Paul And Mary, Andrew McCabe, Bruce Ohr, Bruce Vilanch, Lisa Page, Lisa Turtle, Jessie Spano, Kelly Kapowski, Cow #1, Cow #2, Cows Gone Wild, Cows In Space, The Cow Of Christmas Past, The Cow Who Came In From The Cold, and British spy Christopher Steele.

Remarkably, that is EXACTLY two dozen people. Is Wonkette MISS CLEO? Call us now, if so!

Anyway, Devin Nunes is a piece of shit again, the end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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