Devin Nunes Just Met You And This Is Crazy But Here's His Number CALL HIM MAYBE?

The House Intelligence Committee has released its preliminary report on Donald Trump's impeachment-worthy crimes in advance of tomorrow's first hearing in the House Judiciary Committee. Take five minutes and read all 300 pages of it!

One thing reporters noticed quickly is that the report includes call logs the committee subpoenaed that show that OH BOY, committee ranking member Devin Nunes sure has spent a lot of minutes on the phone with the co-conspirators in Trump's Ukraine scheme, including Chucklefuck Lev Parnas, who is under criminal indictment, and Rudy Giuliani, whose federal indictment just might be coming any day now, MAYBE ALLEGEDLY.

(Checks internet to see if Rudy's indicted yet. NOPE not yet!)

There are also lots of calls between Rudy Giuliani and Mick Mulvaney's Office of Management and Budget (OMB), which you'll remember as the chop shop that chopped off Ukraine's military aid, which had already been appropriated by Congress, while Trump was committing bribery and extortion against Ukraine to pressure them into meddling in the 2020 election on his behalf.

(Checks internet to see if Rudy's indicted yet. NOPE not yet!)

(What about Devin? FBI mooing through his keyhole to lure him to the front porch? NOPE not right now!)

In a press conference this afternoon, committee chair Adam Schiff lightly addressed the fact that maybe the guy who sits next to him in committee hearings and spews Russian propagandamight be in Big Trouble Mister, saying it's "deeply concerning that at a time when the President of the United States was using the power of his office to dig up dirt on a political rival, that there may be evidence that there were members of Congress complicit in that activity." Yeah, we'd say!

(Checks internet to see if Rudy is mooing through Devin's keyhole right now. Wonkette cannot say that he is definitively not! But we can't say he is either. This parenthetical aside has nothing to do with indictments, just mooing through keyholes at Devin.)

We had already been learning that -- surprise of ALL surprises! -- Devin Nunes has been super-involved in this shit, including ALLEGEDLY taking a trip to Vienna in 2018 and hiding the trip from Adam Schiff, in order to get dirt on Joe Biden from disgraced corrupt former Ukrainian prosecutor general Viktor Shokin, the guy who's been blowing these Joe Biden lies up Trumpland's ass. We say ALLEGEDLY because Devin Nunes says FAKE NEWS, and he is suing CNN for $435 million for saying FAKE NEWS about him going to Vienna. He will never see a dime of that money.

Wanna see some call logs between Rudy Giuliani, Devin Nunes, and indicted chucklefuck Lev Parnas and also some other folks, including Secretary of State Mike Pompeo? Ryan Goodman tweeted a summary of what the logs show:

Remember, "Harvey" refers to Derek Harvey, one of Nunes's goons. "Kash Patel" refers to "Kash Patel," one of Nunes's goons who ended up at the National Security Council. Somehow, President Dumbshit ended up under the impression that Patel was the NSC's "Ukraine expert." He was not that.

Oh yeah, and "Solomon" refers to bad-faced fuckup John Solomon, who wrote all those dogshit fake news reports in The Hill about made-up allegations of Ukranian election meddling and former Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch, reports that Trump and Giuliani and Fox News slurped up like urinal cakes.

Here's a closer detail of some calls between the Chucklefuck and John Solomon and Devin Nunes and Rudy Giuliani and the White House and TRUMP LAWYER JAY SEKULOW, DON'T MISS THAT ONE, from April 10 and April 12:

Remember, this all happened just before Volodymyr Zelenskyy was elected president of Ukraine, and also just before the Giuliani-led campaign to oust Marie Yovanovitch as the ambassador to Ukraine finally succeeded. Wonder what those guys were all chit-chattin' about!

Here's some timeline context shit, put together by Adam Klasfeld:

Want more sweet delicious call logs? Here are some more calls from April 24, including Rudy G. on the phone with Mickey M.'s OMB at the same time he's talking to the White House and also of course Lev Parnas:

So what were all these conversations? Again, we don't know. We're going to guess that they were committing crimes against Ukraine together and helping Donald Trump abuse his power, but it's also possible all of these people sell Arbonne and were setting up multi-level marketing skincare presentations for themselves and 500 of their closest friends.

Devin Nunes hasn't responded to this, at least that we know of, but Lev Parnas's lawyer Joseph Bondy surely has:

Oh yeah, by the way, on a different but obviously related subject, it appears the House Intel Committee's report confirms recent reports that the famed call where Trump told Gordon Sondland "NO QUID PRO QUO" totally fucking did not happen. So that's a thing.

Anyway, like we said, you should take five minutes and read every word of the House Intel Committee's 300-page impeachment report, embedded right here for both his AND her pleasure:

(Checks to see if Rudy or Devin or anybody else is indicted yet. NOPE not yet!)

More hearings start tomorrow morning! OPEN THREAD starts now!

[House Intel impeachment report]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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