Devin Nunes Says Dems Gonna Create Fake Biden Holograms To Make Him Sound Smart As Old 'Best Words' Trump
BREAKING! Joe Biden is a hologram, and Kamala Harris is a computer generated image, and Devin Nunes is ... completely sane and in control of all his faculties.
Sporting his best "smell a fart smile" (just watch it, you'll see), the California GOP congressman complained to Fox's Maria Bartiromo about the manifest unfairness of trying to attack a guy whose speeches are so boring that you can't even excerpt a soundbite for attack ads. Well, more or less.
"You know it's getting bad when the propaganda machine that the Democratic socialists control in this country — they control 95 percent of the media or so — and then you take the big tech oligarchs that control and censor what we receive via social media. When that poison gets to the average independent American, that propaganda, you know it's bad when they can't even find a 15- or 30-second soundbite out of a full-hour town hall that they can plug into their own propaganda machine."
NUNES: It's getting really bad. It's not just the president. They can't get any soundbites from the vice president either. They're almost to the point, Maria, when they're going to have to start using computer generated graphics in order to give to the propaganda machine, because they can't get good clips to sell what they're trying to sell here in Washington, which are policies which are running the country into the ground.
You heard it here first, kids. Well, you heard it first on Fox, and then on Raw Story, who watches that shit for the greater good. But ACHTUNG, BREAKING, Dems are going to have to Princess Leia up our boring-ass president because he doesn't go around telling people to drink bleach and stick a tanning bed up their bums to cure Covid. If only we had a leader who supplied us with endless viral clips of him shoving other world leaders, praising Vladimir Putin, and whining that it takes ten flushes to dispose of his burnt steak bowel movements.
But worry no more! Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, our Pixar overlords will soon be supplying us with an endless loop of President Dullsville and VP Snoozefest throwing paper towels at hurricane victims, staring at the sun during an eclipse, saluting a North Korean general, and drawing dicks on weather maps.
"Yo Semite," hologram Biden will shout, praising the beauty of our national parks, before greeting college athletes with platters of cold Big Macs, and asking a kid if he still believes in Santa, because "at seven, it's marginal, right?"
If Devin Nunes says that Democrats are planning CGI Biden, then you can take that to the bank.
It could be like every other bloody accusation those nihilist bastards hurl our way, which is to say, a confession. Because the same people who screamed FAKE NEWS, while flooding the zone with shit, already have a history of doctoring video of Speaker Nancy Pelosi to make her seem drunk. So you can bet your bottom dollar that when Nunes whines that "they can't get any soundbites" to feed to ye olde "propaganda machine," he means "we can't get traction to attack a guy who comes off as fundamentally decent and not deranged." And when he says "they're going to have to start using computer generated graphics," he could mean that the Red Team is cooking up some spectacularly fake videos for the midterms of a caliber that would make Project Veritas look like responsible journalists.
Be ready. That train is never, never late.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.