Looks Like Devin Nunes Hitched Himself To A Broken Cow

Once upon a time Devin Nunes quit a whole seat in Congress so he could put a saddle on his cow and say "Hey girl, it's time for you and me to go to sunnier pastures." So they rode and they rode and they rode, much further south than cows traditionally go, all the way to Mar-a-Lago, so Devin could become the CEO of the Trump Media & Technology Group, which would be launching the wingnut free speech machine of everybody's dreams very soon, the long-heralded Truth Social.

He told his constituents that he had been "presented with a new opportunity to fight for the most important issues I believe in."

Yes we are talking about the same Donald Trump who couldn't keep a LiveJournal going for more than a few days last year. The one who's only doing all this because he's banned from Twitter.

Yes we are talking about the Donald Trump who is quite lit'rally one of the worst businessmen in America, who seemingly can't Art of the Deal himself out of a paper bag, based on everything we've ever read on the subject.

All of this information was freely available for Devin before he decided to give up a whole seat in Congress. Nobody tricked him.

But, you know, it's like that old saying about Devin's brain: Nobody ever suggested askin' Devin to bring the poppers to the Mensa orgy.

Did Devin actually move to South Florida? We are not sure. Maybe he is working from one of his cow dispensaries or wherever he has historically lived. We sure hope so, because Trump's little MySpace for disaffected incel Nazis is not only poorly functioning, it's poorly performing, ha ha that's what she said:

Former President Trump is blowing the launch of his new social media company, via a series of unforced errors. [...]

The launch itself was buzzy, with Truth Social shooting to the top of Apple's App Store (there isn't yet an Android or web version).

But the vast majority of people downloading the app, me included, were given a waitlist number. Nine days later, most of us remain on that waitlist, with our number unchanged and without a word of communication from the company. A waitlist "refresh" icon doesn't work.

As of this writing, Truth Social has fallen to No. 57 in the App Store, just behind Tinder and Planet Fitness Workouts.

And the best part:

[N]early two weeks after launch, his dormant account has fewer than 80,000 followers. And Trump himself is largely to blame.

Wonkette has somewhere between 70,000 and 80,000 followers on Twitter, the place where Trump is banned from. Just for comparison.

We'd also note that Truth Social would have one extra follower if it hadn't immediately banned @DevinNunesCow in an uproarious act of censorship.


"Trump has posted only once-- about two weeks ago... Instead, he's given his comment to radio and TV hosts," notes author Dan Primack, noting that had he prioritized his comments to the social channel, media outlets would have mentioned the app.

Not great new for the Digital World Acquisition SPAC (special purpose acquisition company) that invested over $1 billion in the launch and wants to take it public at a value of more than $3.5 billion.


So listen, "Digital World Acquisition SPAC," if that is your real name, may we again note that Wonkette has about the same number of Twitter followers as there are followers for Trump on his silly little app. This concludes our sales presentation for GIVE US ONE BILLION DOLLARS.

Anyway, so this is what Devin Nunes gave up a whole seat in Congress for.

Ah, but you are thinking, maybe it's fine because Devin's paycheck will be enormous no matter what and who cares. And that's a valid point. Why put a lot of work into making Donald Trump's website successful when you could just make a lot of money for not doing that? Good thing Donald Trump has never been known in the past for finding a way out of paying his bills.

This has been a blog post about Devin Nunes's life choices.


[Axios / MediaPost]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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