He's going to lose! But, actually, this time we don't think that it's his utter lack of a chance or his poor acting chops that are the problem. Ten seconds into his new commercial, I got palpably dizzy from all the bobbing and weaving his (shrunken-looking) head is doing, and then he announces that it'll feel good getting back to "home territory" in South Carolina. One problem: Fred's from Tennessee, which doesn't even border South Carolina. Uh-oh.


So, I went to WebMD and typed in "uncontrolled movement" and "memory loss" and got: Huntington's Disease, a rare genetic degenerative disorder. Or, he could just be a shitty actor who can't look remotely good on TV or in a movie without serious direction because of his "folksy" attempts to "act" like he's talking, but then I remembered he was on Law and Order and distinct direction isn't exactly a hallmark of that show. So, Fred, for the sake of your remaining time with your much-younger hot wife and adorable children, just stop "running" and head back to Tennessee (it's west of there, by the way).

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