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Dick Cheney To Shoot At Mitt Romney For Fundraising Stunt

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Poor Mitt Romney, the sadnesses keep piling atop sadnesses, until all the sadness is drained, and there is nothing. Just a few days ago he was enjoying a lil' R&R at the actual ancient forest palace that he owns. Riding the boat, competitive nail hammering, all the summer activities that he loves, he was doing. And then things begin to come undone: He has to leave to address a convention of blahs, and they don't like him. Then Obama and everyone gets all up in his bum about outsourcing, tax returns, Bain, murder. And really, weare surprised at how competently and relentlessly the Obama campaign is managing to nuke Mitt Romney this week. It's not a fun time for Mittens! And it won't get any better tonight, when Mittens has to walk a dirt road by his lonesome all the way to a haunted house in Wyoming, where Dick Cheney will be waiting to molest him.


Romney, the Associated Press reminds us, has been dodging Cheney and W. Bush for months. The problem is that swing voters, according to recent polling, still consider those two "fucking assholes." But the wingnuts still love old Dick, and they'd be honored to share their stacks of oil and natural gas money in ten gallon hats with the Mitt Romney campaign as long as Cheney is hosting.

Besides, Dick Cheney is going to tell Mitt Romney who should be vice president. Will Dick Cheney pick himself, again?

JACKSON, Wyo. (AP) — Former Vice President Dick Cheney is using his popularity with Republican conservatives to give a boost to Mitt Romney, hosting a fundraiser for the party's likely nominee at a mountain valley resort as well as a private dinner at his Wyoming home. [...]

Romney's visit with the GOP sage comes as he's in the final stages of picking his own No. 2. Cheney is familiar with the process: He was charged with leading Bush's vice presidential search in 2000 and ended up vice president himself. Romney has tasked longtime aide Beth Myers with leading his own vice presidential search.

Which would be a funnier Romney VP pick: Cheney or Palin? Oh, poo to them all. Dick Cheney should be running for president himself, anyway, as Jon Meacham once argued in the shittiest piece of shit article ever written.

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We have been hearing ever since late last week that Michael Cohen is probably about to be arrested and probably going to be indicted on one million charges and probably maybe might be about to try to flip and make a deal so that he doesn't end up in prison for the rest of his natural life. In fact, we have been hanging our hopes on it, because everything else sucks. Sure, we are still filled with joy over how Paul Manafort is on day four of JAIL, MOTHERFUCKER, JAIL, but then we remembered what is happening on the border and what we are saying right now is we need something happy.

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