Did Devil Give Rick Wiles COVID For Letting Milo Talk About Giving Up Dong On His Show? Sure Why Not.

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Got some wild-ass news for you, which ties together two other very important news stories we've been following.

Crazypants end times pastor idiot Rick Wiles recently got the COVID, after boldly proclaiming he was going to be one of the few survivors of the coming global genocide that is the COVID vaccine. He's fine, or at least he was last time we checked. Said he was getting out of the hospital. Continued thoughts 'n' prayers, etc.

Meanwhile, that batshit Milo character, who says he's "ex-gay" now, claimed recently on Wiles's program that because of how the Lord has healed him from the man-on-man sexytimes, dogs have stopped barking at him. We don't know how these things are correlated, or why dogs were barking at him before, but, just, you know, warmest regards for all these people.

Here's what ties the two stories together. Lauren Witzke, a batshit QAnon idiot who ... yeah, you don't care who she is. (She's been on Wonkette before, as a Senate candidate.) Just know that she was guest-hosting Wiles's TruNews show the same day Milo said the thing about the barking dogs, because Wiles is still out with the COVID. And that day she explained WHY Wiles and the entire TruNews staff got the COVID. Was it because they were busy trying to save themselves from the global genocide of COVID vaccines, by not getting vaccinated? Occam's Razor might suggest!

But no, she's done her own research and she doesn't think it's any coincidence. It has to do with Milo and how TruNews had previously allowed him to share his story about how he allegedly now refrains from extracurricular dick activities. And that made Satan GRRRR. So Satan retaliated in a really odd way!



WITZKE: I don't think it's any coincidence that the TruNews crew all got deathly ill – got very sick – right after they brought Milo onto their show and he shared his testimony.

Did Milo have COVID? Because that would be a case where it may very well be not a coinkydink! We don't know if he had COVID, of course, but that wasn't her point.

The man with the British accent off camera said he didn't know where this was going, and the man with the British accent off camera was Milo, so ...

Witzke continued:

WITZKE: You have to remember that this is a spiritual battle as well and our enemy retaliates. This was retaliation.

It was retaliation.

WITZKE: We constantly battle demonic spirits and demonic attacks on ourselves and we as Christians must stay equipped. And also we must stay prayerful as we walk into these times.

OK. Still not seeing the ...

WITZKE: It was no coincidence that Rick and his crew are in the situation they're in because they stood for Christ and had, you know, the spine to bring Milo on and share his platform and his testimony.

Satan throatcrammed Rick Wiles and his pals with COVID because Milo was allowed to share his story about how he hasn't had a peener-related incident for however many days? Truly, Satan works in mysterious ways.

WITZKE: Milo was somebody who belonged to the darkness. He was Satan's favorite sodomite, wasn't he?

Highly doubt Milo was ever Satan's favorite sodomite. Not even in the top 100.

OPEN THREAD, WE HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY ABOUT THESE VERY NORMAL PEOPLE.

[h/t JoeMyGod]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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