Did Hillary Clinton And Ariana Grande Hug At Aretha's Event, Or Johnny Walnuts's? A Funeral News Quiz!
Dead people are stealing all of the attention that rightfully belongs to Donald Trump, and everyone is on Friday Indictment Watch, so Yr Wonkette figures this would be a good time to reflect on the lives of one indisputably great American and one Deeply Flawed But Still Important American and see if we can even tell the difference.
Oh, yeah, and Hillary and Ariana Grande were at Aretha Franklin's memorial service in Detroit, in case you had any doubts. Probably colluding on a plan to sell uranium and an incredible vocal range to Russia.
And so, my friends, my friends, with all due E-S-T-E-E-M to both the Queen of Soul and the Great Constant Disappointment, let's do a Wonkette Quiz! Hint: NONE of the answers are "Donald Trump." He's gonna be so steamed.
1) Who said which quote: John McCain or Aretha Franklin?
"For five long years..."
"FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!"
2) Which famous American demanded Angela Davis be set free in 1970?
3) Which famous American opposed a national Martin Luther King holiday and the removal of the Confederate flag from the South Carolina Statehouse grounds?
John McCain (he later apologized for both positions)
John McCain (Damned if we're putting Aretha in this question at all)
4) Which famous American told a very receptive audience, "Stand up, party, shake your hips, and have a good time"?
John McCain, at the 2008 Republican Convention
Aretha Franklin, at a concert with the Detroit Symphony Orchestra
5) Which Great American once advised someone who worked for them to take this approach when they asked what to do about their son, who was getting into trouble for acting out at school? "Tell him to confess [...] Say, 'I am a black air pirate and I have committed crimes against the peace-loving people at my school.' It always worked for me."
John McCain. Yeah, we just think that's a hell of a funny story
6) Who's zoomin' who?
[Plenty of] fish in the sea, but they ain't me
Republicans, when claiming their tax cuts helping the middle class.
7) What line best describes the Trump administration's handling of simple presidential protocol following the death of a prominent legislator?
A: "I say a little prayer for you." (Or your family, but I don't mention you at all)
B: "All I'm askin' Is for a little respect"
C: "(Chain, chain, chain) Chain of fools"
D: "You'd better think (think! think!) Think about what you're tryin' to do to me"
D: "Got me a man named Doctor Feelgood..."
8: Who wasn't invited to either famous American's funeral?
(Look, we TOLD YOU who wouldn't be the answer to any of these. We're ignoring the petulant little fuck)
9: In John Landis's epic musical farce The Blues Brothers, which famous American was utterly unperturbed by Jake and Elwood's order of "four fried chickens and dry white toast"?
Trick Question! It was the late Matt "Guitar" Murphy who knew instantly it was Jake and Elwood at the counter just by hearing their order. Aretha Franklin, as his long-suffering wife, was the one who thought the "two honkies out there dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants" had made an unusual order, the end.
Answer Key: Discuss among yourselves. We're on Breaking News Watch, but it's your OPEN THREAD.
Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Click here to give us all your money, and guess what! In return, honey, we'll give you your propers when you get home. Or sock it to us in the tip jar below.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.